Hen do at 32 weeks pregnant

[Cannoli]

I’m hoping to get some advice please. A good friend is getting married and has asked me to be a bridesmaid. I’m currently pregnant with my first baby after a successful round of IVF. My concern is around the hen do. I’ll be 32 weeks at the time and the plan is 2 nights away, about a 3 hours drive away staying at a house and playing games, drinking etc. I’m slightly worried, with this being my first pregnancy I’m not sure how I’ll be feeling by 32 weeks and I’m worried it will be difficult for me. I do feel obligated to go, and I’d like to go but I am worried about being tired and/or uncomfortable and unable to take part as fully when the other hens will likely be getting drunk. I have a shy personality at the best of times and I know I will struggle more when everyone has had a few! My other concerns are the sleeping arrangements. There are only double beds available so I would have to share a double with another girl. At 10 weeks I am already unable to make it through the night without getting up at least once for a wee so I worry about how this will be at 32 weeks and I’d hate to disturb someone constantly. Not to mention that I probably won’t have much space either. Cost wise it isn’t too bad but of course my husband and I do have concerns at how much we are spending on things like this when we have to buy everything we need for the baby. I am considering going for one night only but I am not sure if I will end up regretting going altogether. Of course though I do not want to hurt her feelings, I have considered asking her if we can do something local together like a nice brunch or something instead. Can anyone offer any advice on whether I should suck it up and go or politely decline, with this being my first pregnancy I’m not sure what to expect. Thank you

Could you go for one night only but stay in a cheap travel lodge/premier inn nearby?

Obviously an additional cost but this was my first thought of what I would do in your situation. You can still go and enjoy the company and games etc but then leave at your own time and be comfortable in a bed by yourself and not distributing anyone if you get up in the night! I'm sure the bride/everyone else would understand

You’ll be fine, you’ll still be at work, I’m sure you’ll manage a couple of nights away.

I actually work from home full time due to a high risk pregnancy but thanks

Thanks I’ll consider that option and look into it

I’d do what @Sagittarius25 suggested. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to share a bed with anyone other than my husband at 32 weeks, I had insomnia and got up a million times for a wee. I also wouldn’t have wanted to spend a weekend with a load of people getting drunk!

I’d go but maybe stay nearby and then you go leave whenever and go back to have your own bed. Or see if there is an odd number of people so you can have your own bed? Personally I’d want to take advantage of a fun weekend before baby comes!

Tricky one OP but there are times when you need to prioritise yourself rather than your friends.
Maybe you could consider withdrawing from being a bridesmaid? Tell her that you just need to prioritise yourself for this much wanted pregnancy and feel that you can't give her the 100% support you think she deserves as a BM? Reassure her about your friendship but reiterate that you don't want to let her down at the last minute because of any complications?

I’m almost 32 weeks and feel fine, if it were me I would be physically able to go on this trip but wouldn’t particularly want to! I have been a bit of a homebody these last couple of weeks and the idea of being constantly around people sounds draining.

I’d also feel like a bit of a fun sponge, id probably go for one day and one night, I’m sure your friends would understand.

I would have gone at 32w but honestly it doesn't sound like you actually want to go and if you don't you've got a perfectly reasonable excuse not to!

My friend was still running 10km at 32wks. I am 34 and def been waddling for some time! Both high risk pregnancies, both fairly fit beforehand.

It’s really hard to know. DH and I went away when I was 32wk and it was lovely to be away, exploring etc. other people just want to be at home in bed.

I think it depends a bit what type of person you are. Do you usually go for things? There is no reason at all you can't go. I went camping at 36w with my first, sleeping on an air bed and had a great time.

32 weeks is nothing, most can still socialise and be out and about right up until delivery.

You probably will however need your own bed.

I was going to say it would be ok for two but sharing a bed would change it to a no. By 32 weeks I was walking a couple of miles to and from work, getting shopping, going out for meals etc byt I was sleeping with a pillow between my legs and one next to me, I leaked milk slightly if I squashed my boobs in a certain way while lying down, farts just quietly and noxiously slipped out...

The person you are sleeping with would not have a pleasant time!

I am 37 weeks. This is my second pregnancy and this is not something I would even consider. I am not sharing a bed with dp, nevermind anyone else. I have spd, so am in pain. I sincerely hope you don't get this, but it does limit what I feel capable of. I certainly wouldn't be playing any games involving moving. I couldn't be arsed dealing with drunk people either tbh. Usually, I would enjoy a party, but seriously, I couldn't be doing with a 3 hour drive even. I had some issues during my last pregnancy and was hospitalised at 32 weeks.

Maybe you will feel completely differently and have a ball, but I would be saying no off the bat. I am doing plenty of local things, but a trip away feels like a lot of pressure.

@Cannoli

I'll be honest at 32 weeks I just wanted to be at home not hours away especially not with a load of Lauryn women and booze

I'd sit this one out

Honestly I wouldn’t for the sake of a hen do. You’ll be so tired and can’t drink and have to hang out with drunk people pretending to have ‘the best night’. And that’s the best case scenario.

I also had a high risk pregnancy, by 29 weeks I was hospitalised twice already and then was signed off for the rest of my pregnancy after ended up in an ambulance. So I would bow out now really

I wouldn't. Look after yourself. You are not obligated.

I'd go but not stay over with them. Certainly wouldn't want to share a bed at that far along.

I am 32 weeks pregnant now with second baby and I wouldn't be going. But I am suffering quite a bit. I definitely wouldn't be sharing a bed with someone else.
If you're high risk and uncomfortable then I'd say ask to do something local. Or go for one night and book yourself a cheap hotel room somewhere else.

Personally, I wouldn’t go.

I would ask the bride if we could go on a spa day together or for afternoon tea or something like that instead.

I’d let her know that celebrating her life event is important to me so I’d like to do something special with her but that I wouldn’t manage the trip away and wouldn’t want to spoil everyone else's fun!

I feel, put like that and if she’s a nice person, she would completely understand and be happy with your suggestion!
Ultimately, she gets another occasion that’s all about celebrating her upcoming wedding and will still have a nice time away getting drunk.

I'd go but with own bed

It's hard to know. Everyone is different. I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant with an IVF baby and I would go for 1 night if I had my own bed and could go to bed early.

But others might not be able to so it's hard to judge.

It kind of sounds as though you don't want to go, so if you'd feel better not going and doing something else with her instead I'm sure that's fine too. Maybe see if they can accommodate you having your own room and make your decision based on that?

My digestive system wasn’t in a great place at 32 weeks, excessive wind would not have made me a great bed mate. Also surrounded by pillows.

What stage will you be at the wedding?

I'm 33 weeks and am happy to socialise for a couple of hours but then I'm tired/cranky and uncomfortable and want to be back in my own space.

Another vote for suggesting a separate meal or get together.

Everyone is different so it's really impossible to say how you'll feel then. I'm 37 wks but I've been pretty bad with pelvic girdle pain since around 26 weeks and can't walk longer than 15 mins. Long car journeys flare it up. But then again you might not have that issue and be feeling great. How close will the wedding day be to your due date? If it were me and I was worried about how close these things were falling I'd just have an honest convo with the bride and say you really want to be involved but you're really worried about not feeling good/ going into early labour and having to let her down as you get closer to key dates. You could say as long as she's happy with that and understands then you're happy to be a bridesmaid but if that will cause problems then you're happy not to be an official bridesmaid but still do all the background stuff like helping her make decorations/favours/ collecting things and the planning behind the hen because you want her to have a lovely time. I did a 3 night stay away for a family party at 32 weeks but honestly I was nervous going and it was an hours drive away. I brought my huge preggo pillow and Swiss ball with me but I was pretty uncomfortable the entire weekend and couldn't take part in most of the activities everyone else was doing so me and dh had to go off and do our own thing and then meet them all in the evenings. It all worked OK but because I had him there it meant I could do that, I wouldn't have fancied it on my own. Could your partner bring you down for the day or one night and you both stay nearby so you can join in for the day and then go home?