Hen do at 32 weeks pregnant

[Cannoli]

I’m hoping to get some advice please. A good friend is getting married and has asked me to be a bridesmaid. I’m currently pregnant with my first baby after a successful round of IVF. My concern is around the hen do. I’ll be 32 weeks at the time and the plan is 2 nights away, about a 3 hours drive away staying at a house and playing games, drinking etc. I’m slightly worried, with this being my first pregnancy I’m not sure how I’ll be feeling by 32 weeks and I’m worried it will be difficult for me. I do feel obligated to go, and I’d like to go but I am worried about being tired and/or uncomfortable and unable to take part as fully when the other hens will likely be getting drunk. I have a shy personality at the best of times and I know I will struggle more when everyone has had a few! My other concerns are the sleeping arrangements. There are only double beds available so I would have to share a double with another girl. At 10 weeks I am already unable to make it through the night without getting up at least once for a wee so I worry about how this will be at 32 weeks and I’d hate to disturb someone constantly. Not to mention that I probably won’t have much space either. Cost wise it isn’t too bad but of course my husband and I do have concerns at how much we are spending on things like this when we have to buy everything we need for the baby. I am considering going for one night only but I am not sure if I will end up regretting going altogether. Of course though I do not want to hurt her feelings, I have considered asking her if we can do something local together like a nice brunch or something instead. Can anyone offer any advice on whether I should suck it up and go or politely decline, with this being my first pregnancy I’m not sure what to expect. Thank you

For me it would be the wanting to go to bed by 10pm as I would be so tired by then. Everyone else would be likely to be still partying until the early hours. So not great from both sides, you not being able to sleep, them feeling like they should be quieter. Then there is sharing a bed with someone who isnt used to a pregnant woman next to them and is likely quite drunk and might slosh you accidentally.

@Cannoli I'm also due to go on a hen do at 32 weeks! I've just told them to book accommodation without including me but I've booked onto daytime activities for the main day (bottomless brunch so nothing physical!)...I'll see how I feel nearer the time and either just get the train for the day and come back, or stay somewhere close by if I think I want to stay over.
Again, my first pregnancy and no idea how I'll feel or how massive and uncomfortable I'll be!

It sounds awful tbh. Spending 2 nights with a bunch of drunk girls who want to stay up late would be bad enough but doable... sharing a bed at 32 weeks would be my deal breaker. I'm 26 weeks and wake my husband up (accidentally) about 5 times per night when I want to turn over to the other side and need to move my pillows between my legs etc, and if I need to pee! I also wake up every morning with big milk stains around my boobs on my pyjamas, just not something I'd fancy having to deal with in a bed with a stranger/acquaintance. It's a tricky one but do what's best for you, it's a bit far away just to go along for daytime activities.

If youre not keen then I'd just say to her that you're worried about how you'll feel at 32 weeks and don't want to commit to it, so leave you out of the planning and you'll let them know about 6 weeks before if you're able to go. If that doesn't work with finances for the rest of the group just say you'll organise a lovely home-hen for her with a brunch and stuff!

34 weeks pregnant here and its a no from me! If you had asked me at 10wks pregnant i woupd have thought i would be finr, but since 28wks have been really uncomfortable at night and found it impossible to share a bed with anyonr at all never mind people I dont know well! Also struggle to socialise for more than an hour or two as my back is so sore, and Ill be honest Im so tired and grumpy and emotional- way more than I would have thought!!
Am high risk pregnancy too and have had to go into maternity couple of times with reduced movements so wouldnt want to be 3hrs away at this stage if im honest!

It wouldn’t have been an issue for me but I understand some people are not comfortable in later pregnancy. Could your partner drive you to the venue and amuse himself for a day while you join some activities?

You will be fine. I went on an abroad hen to magaluf at 32 weeks pregnant. I enjoyed sitting back watching everyone else. Up and down to toilet had calmed down by then. Even if I did, the others were in deep sleep from drink and didn't notice. Everyone was particularly kind as I was pregnant. I shared with the bride (as that is who I was most comfortable with, could you do that). It was one of the best hen dos i was ever ón and would do it over and over again, even pregnant.

I'd go. I went to a similar hen do at 11 weeks pregnant. Even down to sharing a bed.

I wasn't the only pregnant one. 1 bridesmaid spent the whole thing in bed because her morning sickness was so bad. Another hen (the one I was sharing with) had found out she was pregnant the morning of the hen do.

It was still fun and the bridesmaids had made sure us preggos were still included.

By the wedding there were even more of us sporting bumps.

That sounds totally unsuitable and unpleasant for you. Surely your friend will understand that. I think you it's absolutely understandable not to go.