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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Not sure who baby's father is

35 replies

confused512 · 10/11/2022 11:55

Before anyone judges - I am going to be a single mum and have not cheated on a partner resulting in this situation.

It's embarrassing but I'm starting to doubt who my baby's father is, keen on other's opinions.

The facts:

  • My EDD is the 5th of December 22 calculated by dating scan at 9 weeks
  • This scan put my LMP as 27/28th February 22 (I was on the pill so had to go by dating scan)
  • This scan indicates ovulation date as March 13-15th 22

When I had sex:

  • Protected condom sex with partner A on March 6th
  • Unprotected sex with partner B with him finishing inside both times on March 12th and 13th
  • Protected condom sex with Partner A on March 19th

From the start I believed that partner B is the father as the times fall exactly within the ovulation window and the sex was twice and unprotected with him finishing inside. Condoms were used correctly with partner A and there was no slippage or breaks that I noticed either time. I'm hoping that it is partner B, and it seems the most likely option but just keen to put it out there and see what other's think as I'm nearly 37 weeks pregnant and having nightmares every night second guessing myself.

I've looked into conception facts and can add:

  • Dating scans at 9 weeks are estimated to have accuracy within +/- 3 days and this scan matched when I thought I bled last
  • Sperm can live in the vagina for 5 days so even if I ovulated March 14-17th it could still be partner B
  • The egg is only viable to be fertilised 12-24 hours after release so if I ovulated anywhere between March 11th- March 17th it's more likely to be partner B

Agh, I don't know how I've ended up in this situation I go ages without sleeping with anyone and the one time my pill failed and I got pregnant it could be 2 different men! Anyway, I know nobody can say for sure but I guess I'm just looking for some opinions/reassurance on what others think as I don't want to come clean and discuss this with anyone else in my real life yet.....

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 10/11/2022 11:58

Very very unlikely to be A, as you used protection.

Im assuming you're getting a paternity test asap when baby arrives?

vodkaredbullgirl · 10/11/2022 11:59

Partner A wore condom
Partner B didn't

There for it has to be partner B

LBFseBrom · 10/11/2022 12:01

Partner B.

InTheNightWeWillWish · 10/11/2022 12:01

I had my baby last year but my dates were similar to you. I had a EDD of 2nd Dec. I had longer cycles than 28 days but I only had sex on the 6th Mar and ovulation was predicted to be the 11th Mar.

So from the dates, it is possible that it could be Guy A. It is more likely that is Guy B due to the dates and the fact that with Guy A you were using the pill and condoms and not using condoms with Guy B, it would be highly unlikely that two forms of contraception failed but not impossible. However, the only way to know is a DNA test when baby is here.

Margo34 · 10/11/2022 12:01

Partner B.

DNA test/paternity test will answer your question, all we can do is guess.

Emmamoo89 · 10/11/2022 12:02

Partner B

Newwardrobe · 10/11/2022 12:03

Surely it's B

MrsTimRiggins · 10/11/2022 12:03

Logic would point towards B, given that was unprotected sex but honestly a dna is the only way to know for sure. Sorry you’re feeling so stressed.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/11/2022 12:03

It seems highly unlikely its NOT B.

Does he knows you have other sexual partners? I think the best call is honesty and offering him a DNA test ocne babu is here and safe

quietnightmare · 10/11/2022 12:06

B

Does neither of the men know about the baby possibly being either of theirs?

Ekátn · 10/11/2022 12:11

B I would guess. But you never know. Odd things happen.

i assume both men know there’s a small possibility it could be As. So you would need a dna test to know definitely

CandyLeBonBon · 10/11/2022 12:11

Why would you think it was anyone other than B if you're sure about contraception etc? It can't be anything else. Would you prefer it to be A?

Original poster
confused512 · 10/11/2022 12:23

B knows I'm pregnant and that the baby was likely his but he decided he wants nothing to do with it and pressured me to have an abortion when I was 11 weeks along. Partner A I'm no longer in contact with. I won't need a paternity test as the guys are different races, I'm more stressed about how I will explain this to my family if the baby comes out a different race to what I had expected - explaining that I slept with multiple people is not something I'm keen on.

I've never been one to sleep around, this was literally the rarest occurrence in my 28 years alive and I just happened to get pregnant. I don't even know how I would explain this to my mum and sister and they'll be in the delivery room lol 🙃

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 10/11/2022 12:39

It's most likely partner B. Who have you told your family the father is? Which partner is the different race?

EdgarFrog · 10/11/2022 12:44

Sounds like B but can you look into getting a DNA test pre birth? Or is that just in films you can do that?!

I'm sure even if the baby does arrive and it's obvious that they are A's your family will be smitten and get over it. Good luck!

CandyLeBonBon · 10/11/2022 12:48

So you're due in a month and your concerned that you'll be judged by your family for having a mixed race child, is that right?

mileaminute · 10/11/2022 12:53

CandyLeBonBon · 10/11/2022 12:48

So you're due in a month and your concerned that you'll be judged by your family for having a mixed race child, is that right?

I didn't read it like that AT ALL. She's concerned that if the child is not the race that her family are expecting then it's obvious she's been having sex with multiple people and it's someone else's baby rather than the expected partner B.
Not that her family are a bunch of raving mad racists.

lovenaps · 10/11/2022 12:53

@CandyLeBonBon I don't think the OP is concerned about mixed race child, she is concerned that the child will be of a different race to what she thought and what the family knows, meaning she would have to explain the whole story to her family.
OP, it sounds like the guy B. I am so sorry you are in this situation, I hope you will be very happy with your baby 🌷x

Original poster
confused512 · 10/11/2022 12:56

No, no no! I'm not concerned about having a mixed race child.

I'm concerned because partner B is Caucasian and partner A is Asian - I've told everyone close to me it's partner B's because I assumed it was.. I'm only starting to doubt things now.

I'm stressed about having to come clean that there was more than one guy I slept with.... if the baby ends up being asian it'll be pretty damn obvious to all that I slept with more than one person and I'll have to answer questions right after giving birth which is not ideal

OP posts:
EVHead · 10/11/2022 13:00

You’re 28. You can have as many partners as you like. No one should be judging you. Refuse to engage if they’re grilling you on how many men you’ve slept with.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/11/2022 13:01

It might not be obvious anyway op.

Could you talk to your sister? Say look there was a guy just before Steve and I've got it into my head it might be his instead.

You did nothing wrong with sleeping with them both.

lovenaps · 10/11/2022 13:01

@confused512 asian as in Middle East? Reason I am asking is because some features take time to show and it does not happen straight after birth. I remember reading a book written by a midwife where she told a story where one woman was raped and wasn't sure if the baby was her husband's or the rapist's, when the baby was born, they couldn't quite tell the race and thought the baby was caucasian but the midwife said middle eastern features take time to show (it was in 'One Born Every Minute' book I think.

notmyrealmoniker · 10/11/2022 13:04

Try to make peace with it. It the child comes out and is mixed race, than just explain then, but why worry about something not likely to happen. You're only torturing yourself about something you have no control over. End of the day it's a baby and it will be loved.

Original poster
confused512 · 10/11/2022 13:06

lovenaps · 10/11/2022 13:01

@confused512 asian as in Middle East? Reason I am asking is because some features take time to show and it does not happen straight after birth. I remember reading a book written by a midwife where she told a story where one woman was raped and wasn't sure if the baby was her husband's or the rapist's, when the baby was born, they couldn't quite tell the race and thought the baby was caucasian but the midwife said middle eastern features take time to show (it was in 'One Born Every Minute' book I think.

Partner A is Filipino, partner B is English, I'm half Italian half Irish so I think it would be quite obvious in this case

OP posts:
Ekátn · 10/11/2022 13:07

I am half south Asians. It was really obvious I was not white when I was born. The photos of my older brother, however, do not look like a mixed race baby. He was very pale and has blue eyes like my mum.

Even now as adults people assume I am Hispanic or Greek, rather than south Asian. People often think dbro is Italian.

Looks on a newborn might not tell you anything. Can you get either of them to do a dna test to exclude them?