Is postpartum really that bad?

[PigglePuggle]

I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and a friend of mine shared Giovanna Fletcher's podcast with Zoe Sugg this morning where she was talking about how difficult the postpartum period is, the friend who shared it reiterated that the first 3 weeks are hell, so it's got me thinking is it really that bad?

I'm fully aware of most of the things to come, leaking nipples, bleeding for weeks on end, extreme tiredness, pains, potentially dealing with stitches from tearing, the struggle to breastfeed, hormonal mood swings/baby blues etc. all whilst trying to care for a newborn who doesn't have an instruction manual but is it really that bad?

Am I just being incredibly naïve to think that as long as I don't put too much pressure on myself, ensure I have lots of help and rest as much as I can, it'll be okay and I won't find it to be 'hell', or is it just horrific regardless? Has anyone had a positive postpartum experience? If it really is hell is there anything I can do to prepare myself for it, mentally and physically?

I didn’t think the first few weeks were bad at all, it’s just a bit of a sleep deprived haze.
And you still have the novelty factor of gazing lovingly at the tiny little human you’ve created.

Months 4-6 were hardest for me. My baby had reflux and was very bad at sleeping. I found it hard to go out anywhere because he was always unsettled and crying. He was the same at home but at least it wasn’t disturbing anyone else.

But all babies (and all mums) are different. It’s hard work, but everyone gets through it.

The bleeding isn’t any worse than a period, just lasts longer. Stitches heal much quicker than you’d think. Breastfeeding can be challenging, but I personally was okay with it. Mood swings - for me it was just the first week I felt a bit teary at random times for no reason.

I found that as I knew what to expect it was ok. Yes it's hard but I was expecting it to be hard. I imagine if you're expecting nothing but baby snuggles while you are lounging around, freshly showered and catching up on reading then it may be quite hard.

I'd say the main thing is no-one knows what kind of birth they are going to have in spite of all the planning. From my NCT group not one person had the birth they anticipated and depending on complications, injuries or c-section your recovery might be tough physically.

I also found all the additional unexpected associated health issues draining, like hormone drop, piles, hair loss, dental issues, hip pain etc and combined with the tiredness and recovery. You've also got baby blues and sometimes depression to contend with.

The main thing is fill your freezer with meals and get a decent partner or family member lined up to do everything round the home so all you need to do is care for baby.

For me the first few weeks were ok, but I did have a supportive partner, relatively straightforward births and no problems with breastfeeding.

I found the first week with my first hard but it got easier. I think it's the sleep deprivation that really gets you so if you have family or friends that can sit with baby for an hour so you can nap, that will be a godsend

The first week was heaven, the next two were awful for me. It was the intense hormones mixed with breastfeeding just not working. I was fully prepared that I might not be able to bf after a breast reduction - or I thought I was fully prepared - but the feeling of failure and hormones hit me like a sledgehammer. It was really tough and very emotional.

You can "be prepared" for a hormonal journey but it doesn't really help you when you're right in the thick of it! But you'll ride it out if you have a tough one!

You’ll be fine. Yes you will feel weird, possibly sore and tired, and maybe overwhelmed with the feeling of suddenly being responsible for this tiny person. But you’ll heal, you’ll slowly get used to being a mum, and you will probably want to spend hours just staring at the miracle that is your baby. It will all be a bit of a blur but very very exciting.

Rest whenever you can, stay in bed all day if you want to, hold your baby as much as you want to, don’t worry about showering or brushing your teeth or leaking milk or bursting into tears occasionally, and have someone bring you food and drinks If you can.

And if you don’t want visitors then tell them to stay away until you’re ready.

Good luck!

It really depends on the baby and your birth, unfortunately no one can predict for you

I found the newborn phase really easy, she slept all the time, fed well and came with a ready made schedule. Then the 4 month sleep regression hit and that was the tough part.

However I will say I think MN is particularly negative en masse about babies. You’ll get lots of people making blanket statements like “you’ll soon realise that all babies want to just be held by mum all the time / permanently attached to breast / only way forward is to co sleep / they all just scream 24/7”

It just wasn’t true for me or pretty much anyone I knew, we all managed to shower, go for pub lunches, do some laundry etc etc

It’s not terrible exactly, but I found it easier with my second as I’d been through it before so I knew what to expect.

The hardest bits the first time round were getting used to sleep deprivation, painful breastfeeding (which does get totally better, just not quite as quickly as one is generally led to believe) and realising that I just wasn’t free to do what I wanted any more - particularly sleep and shower when I wanted to! - because this tiny little person wouldn’t let me. It was as much psychologically difficult as physically if you see what I mean.

I had an episiotomy (ventouse delivery) with my first and I found that more sore than the 2nd degree tear I had with my second. It wasn’t super super painful but it was uncomfortable to move around in bed when feeding DD1, and to climb out of bed past the next to me crib I felt obliged to have there. With my second I put the side up and moved the crib away from the bed a little bit, and just that one change made a massive difference to how ‘trapped’ I felt by DD2.

Also there are quite big changes in hormone levels after birth so that can make you feel a bit weird - I got unusually anxious and tearful for the first couple of weeks both times.

I’m sure you will be fine - there are lots of lovely things about having a newborn too! - but do accept any and all support you are offered, especially if it helps you get extra sleep!

I really think it all depends on your own body, everybody is different and your recovery rate will be different.

With my first baby we both almost died so I expected a crap recovery. But it took me 6mths to feel anywhere near normal. My entire maternity leave was ruined. I also had extremely heavy bleeding with huge clots and my stitches (to fix the tearing) burst plus I had recurrent internal infections. I've always slept horrendously so the extra lack of sleep didn't bother me much. I barely produced any milk so didn't have to worry about leaking etc. I'm not aware of having mood swings etc.

With my second I had a c-section but the weeks of cramping afterwards were much worse. The bleeding was heavier and a week after it stopped I started my periods again 🙄. I didn't produce much milk again so gave up breast feeding earlier. My scar didn't heal well and got infected and I felt like shit for weeks. But I felt much more tired second time around and it was very obvious to me that being an older mum (late 30s) made a difference to my body. I feel ten years older. I was much more easily upset second time around but overall it was easier as my DP managed to get an extra week leave than the first time.

It's worth noting that I had no help whatsoever either time from family. If you have help then you can get rest and delegate tasks to others if they're willing to help out.

Weeks 1-6 were hazy and lovely and sleep deprived.

Months 3-18 were extremely hard work. Various sleep regressions, more mobile and dangerous , weaning, starting back at work etc.

It really depends so much on your baby, your birth, your personality and the amount of support you get that I don't think there is a "right" answer to this.

I was in hospital for two weeks after DS1 was born following an emergency c-section, suspected sepsis with us both, pre eclampsia etc so I'm not going to lie it was pretty shit! I didn't feel properly well for probably 3 months or so.

I got through it though and went on to have DS2! Also some challenges there although a bit less intense. I would try to have an open mind, don't put too much pressure on yourself and accept that you might have a rough few weeks but you will get through it.

Mine slept a lot (in their own cot!), bottle fed well, DH was very involved and I recovered quickly from the elective sections. Dare I say, I think it’s the easiest stage I’ve come across so far (eldest is 5). I also really hated being pregnant so even if I wasn’t so lucky with sleep etc, I still would have found it a huge relief!

It's fine as long as you take it easy in my experience. Day 3 is tough as your hormones and adrenaline are all over the place, but baby tends to be fussy on day 3, and then week 3 itself is tough as usually DP goes back to work and you're out of that "baby bubble" and try to start pushing yourself to do more even though you're tired and emotional 😅

It's not always 'hell'. For me, it was fine. Breastfeeding came naturally to us. For the first week there was some stinging when she was feeding but it soon settled down. The bleeding was heavy for three days, then just like a light to medium period for another seven days.

I could do anything whenever I wanted as DH was off work for three weeks. So when I wanted to nap, shower, eat, go to to the loo etc he was with the baby. When he want back to work, I'd just put her on a blanket on the floor of the bathroom or kitchen if I needed to do anything, or in the sling once I got the hang of that.

We spent most of those weeks having a lovely time, going for a short walk, having a coffee, watching films while cuddling our lovely fresh baby. Yes I was very sleep deprived but we got the hang of a sleep strategy by 4 weeks so even that was short lived.

I very rarely talk about how lovely this time was, as I know that many women have a much more difficult time, and I don't want to make them feel bad. You hear lots of horror stories, but those who had a great time tend not to share it as much.

I think the first 3 weeks are relatively easy. Definitely easier than cruising, or terrible twos, or when they discover volume. Or if they have reflux, I imagine.

I think the key is to prepare your expectations. Newborns generally sleep a lot if the time, so plan for baby snuggles in bed or on the sofa or in the bath. Plan for some hot showers while the baby is in their cot. Plan for some Netflix binges. Plan lots of nice, easy to access food and drink. If you are feeling adventurous, a little walk in the sunshine at midday helps mum and baby. Don't expect too much of yourself. You'll be tired, you'll feel like a 4 hour stretch of sleep is a huge amount. But you've got a few weeks of adjusting slowly and gently to life with your new baby.

Thanks so much everyone, I'm definitely feeling more reassured now!

Taking all the advice on board to not put much pressure on myself as I think that will have a big impact. I'm more than happy to stay in bed and not dress/shower/brush my teeth if I feel I need to, thankfully baby is due mid-December so I doubt I'll want to go out much anyway when it's cold. I'm trying to stay open minded about birth, obviously I have my preferences but my actual birth plan is to just get baby out as safely as possible for me and him.

First time mum here.

Definately would not describe it as hell (personally). Yes the sleep deprivation hit me hard but daytime baby slept lots, all newborns do is sleep so lots of opportunities to nap. Plus if you have help that is a bonus!

Bleeding was fine, mine lasted a few weeks but nothing crazy. And it was uncomfortable sitting for a while because of the stitches. Try not to expect too much of a routine, I am very OCD and love a timetable, after baby was born that went out of the window! But you get used to it all.

I wish someone had prepared me mentally. It was absolute hell for me, until baby was 6/7/8 months old.

I guess I'm not a baby person but I thought I would be and my expectations were massively off. Control those and you should be ok. But as everyone else said, you don't know how you'll be after the birth. One friend was walking 30 mins totally fine within days and I couldn't walk further than the bathroom without help for 8 weeks.

It’s been lovely for me. My baby is 4 months now and everyone keeps saying well done they found 0-3 months really difficult so myself and DH just say thanks and agree with them but tbh we’ve loved every minute!

The first few weeks are hard but it’s literally weeks not months or years, just keep your perspective in proportion, people love to tell horror stories and they forget to mention the nice bits. It definitely is hard but lots of people including myself have gone on to have more children if it was truly hell on earth people would only have one child.

I had a third degree tear and we moved house in the first three weeks. To be honest it was a stressful but lovely time. Dealing with colic / reflux from three weeks onwards was probably harder for me. I am not good with a crying baby.

Yes, it can be hell. It can also be fine. There are so many variables:
Psychological trauma from birth
Physical trauma from birth
Lack of sleep
Feeding problems
Baby health problems
Psychodrama with partner or family
House stuff getting on top of you
Some external thing like a roof leak that you can't deal with

All of this stuff might be totally fine or it might be horrendous. My firstborn had feeding/weight loss problems, we were in hospital for a week and it was the most stress I've ever been through. You're responsible for this little creature but not in control of what's happening. I think if you'd measured my stress hormones in the first few weeks, they would have been through the roof. I got no sleep as was on a 3 hourly feeding routine and was still getting over CS which is major surgery.

Second time around, the baby came out, fed well, I healed up and got on with it. Had a fair amount of sleep and no stress.

The only advice I would give you is to take constipation seriously - birth messes with your guts and it can make you miserable in the first few weeks. Dried fruit and a big bottle of water the minute that baby is out.

It's fine as long as you know to rest a lot.i didn't really do much else then sit on the sofa and breastfeed. had a basket on the side with all the nappy changing necessities.
DH brought me all meals/drinks.
Do get yourself suppositories for constipation/ some over the counter painkillers for afterpains.
I found it lovely

It was gruelling at the time but I do look back on it fondly. Some days were better than others (although lockdown started when they were 4 weeks old…) but the key thing was being able to tag team with DH when one of us was too tired to continue, or if I was cluster feeding, that DH would keep me topped up with water and snacks or whatever I needed.