Is postpartum really that bad?

[PigglePuggle]

I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and a friend of mine shared Giovanna Fletcher's podcast with Zoe Sugg this morning where she was talking about how difficult the postpartum period is, the friend who shared it reiterated that the first 3 weeks are hell, so it's got me thinking is it really that bad?

I'm fully aware of most of the things to come, leaking nipples, bleeding for weeks on end, extreme tiredness, pains, potentially dealing with stitches from tearing, the struggle to breastfeed, hormonal mood swings/baby blues etc. all whilst trying to care for a newborn who doesn't have an instruction manual but is it really that bad?

Am I just being incredibly naïve to think that as long as I don't put too much pressure on myself, ensure I have lots of help and rest as much as I can, it'll be okay and I won't find it to be 'hell', or is it just horrific regardless? Has anyone had a positive postpartum experience? If it really is hell is there anything I can do to prepare myself for it, mentally and physically?

DH and I love routine, so we stuck to that. We made sure we got out for fresh air/coffee every day (really helped with MH), shared cooking of meals, shared all feeds and nappies. Those first 2 weeks flew by. Got a bit bored alone when his PL was up but once he got home we did the same thing again.

It's hard and you hurt all over but you're in a newborn bubble and you don't really have time to think about how shit you feel!
I don't think women really discuss how awful they feel after and nobody thinks to ask them either. It's all about the baby, so the podcast is probably just shedding light on it

I wouldn’t say it was hell but I found it frustrating. I felt stretched very thin as I wanted to be my best self to look after baby but recovering from the birth i felt very flat if that makes sense

I enjoyed it, mostly.

We went out for strolls with the pram, nested, people came round (and were lovely), went on a weekend away to a hotel when Dc1 was 2.5 weeks old! Sat on the beach, went out for dinner, Dc1 asleep in portable baby carrier.

The soreness wore off pretty quickly, we were lucky that Dc1 latched ok and my milk came in, lots of disturbed sleep but lots of relaxed daytime to have naps.

A very special time.

I found them wonderful. I wasn't in pain, my baby took to breast feeding, I was on such a high and so full of love, it was a really wonderful time.

As from this thread you can see it’s totally variable. Its very dependant on your situation, the birth and recovery, the temperament of your newborn

for me it was definitely the hardest part by far. Pregnancy and labour was a breeze in comparison. For me that was because I can’t deal with sleep deprivation well (others can) and I really really struggled with breastfeeding and this left me feeling really low as it was something I had prepared for and assumed would be okay but wasn’t and I was really obsessed with wanting to breastfeed. plus I had really unsettled babies that didn’t just sleep! They spent most of their time crying.

Everyone’s different though and for some breastfeeding comes naturally, the baby sleeps a lot and they have time to recover physically.

i would say prepare for the fact that it will be hard and then you’ll be pleasantly surprised if it’s not!

I didnt find it too bad, I had an EMCS and my DH had 4 weeks off work. But I do remember sobbing one night about how hard it was and how I would never feel okay again, then I had a good stretch or sleep and DS fell asleep on me and it was all okay again

It wasn’t all bad. I was up and about an hour or so after birth, out walking with the buggy 2 days after birth, back cycling (my hobby) as soon as I had had my 6 week doctor check. And I had an episiotomy and stitches.

(I was very fit before getting pregnant, but had dreadful sickness in pregnancy.)

Feeding was ok as I mixed fed (breast & formula) from day one so I got a break as DH did some nights. My breasts did get engorged a couple of times though which was extremely painful.

I had some emotional moments, but overall was just relieved I was no longer pregnant & feeling sick all day!

Not to minimise the physical recovery in any way - it's no picnic - but it was the mental health issues that really got me and it's pot luck whether you'll be affected or how badly. And there's no way you can tell how much the sleep deprivation will fuck with you until you've experienced it. I had postnatal anxiety and insomnia. I constantly questioned whether I was doing it "right", panic googling every twitch, all kinds of guilt for various reasons, the overwhelming responsibility of a tiny human's life. Can't say when I started enjoying being a mum but it took a while. I should mention this was March 2020 though, I'm hopeful baby #2 due November won't be born into a new pandemic 😅 (yep I'm going back for more!).
Best of luck! Xx

Hell for me, I was literally suicidal, however I haven't met anyone else who felt as bad, so I was just very unlucky with the birth, events after the birth and my mental health.

I was so anaemic I was breathless, completely puffed just climbing the stairs, couldn’t breast feed, felt a failure, was witless with boredom on maternity leave, missing my job (hospital doctor) and intelligent adult company, so chucked it and went back to work at four months!
Babies really aren’t interesting at all until they develop a personality and can interact with you on more than a vegetable level. Once they become toddlers and can talk, they are endlessly fascinating and full of fun. You just have to slog through the tedium of feeds, nappies, teething, sleep deprivation, etc to get there.

No it was fine but both times I gave birth with minimal intervention (the midwife did support their heads, pretty much it, no drugs and no stitches needed. If you have had interventions it's very different as you may in significant pain. I didn't have help for my second though my my helped a little with my first (in the evening) I breast fed mine and got help the first time from my visiting midwife.

Perhaps I just had a get on with it attitude, I was walking around asda within 24 hours for instance, went to central London on the train and tube after 2 weeks.

Post-partum for me was tough but not hell.
The worst was the healing from tearing.
There is a lot good about it too.
Cuddling with baby
Breastfeeding I enjoyed once they got the latch right
Not having any worries about work- just existing day to day
My DH waited on me hand and foot and did fair share with baby (or with later babies he had the older DC and I had new baby)

We did the babymoon though which I think helped. Babymoon is where you ban all visitors for the first month and the mum does zero errands outside the home. So it’s a full month just your bit of the family and all you do is rest, be with baby, get a new family dynamic going, maybe go for a few walks or sit in the garden. So peaceful and relaxing.

I find the concept of banning visitors so odd, a whole month is such a long time for the baby not to meet grandparents!

Please don't worry. My DC1 was easy to look after and I had no postpartum issues. It all depends on how your delivery goes, how quickly your baby takes to feeding, How much support you have and to some extent your expectations. I think you just have to slot in with your baby until you start to feel confident.

Personally I was fine, and have remained so. The main issue we had was my son couldn’t get the hang of latching to feed for a few days but once we got over that, we had no issues at all, other than low level ones like leaky boobs and that. Nothing traumatic, no crippling tiredness, no emotional rollercoaster, the bleeding was manageable and ended quite quickly, I had great support from my husband for the first few months, I had a c-section but that was fine and I was comfortable and capable afterwards.
Im certainly not saying it’s never hard but it wasn’t and isn’t a traumatic experience for me. I’ve been lucky, I appreciate that.

Everybody is different, you may be ok! Stay postive but realistic, have low expectations and ask for help. I had an awful time after my first, I wasn't expecting it at all but you sound pretty realistic. My second time around wasn't half as bad overall, but still tough physically with an infection and heavy bleeding/clots. It's a worrying time especially being sleep deprived. I'm not looking foward to it again this time around, I think I would rather give birth than go through post partum stages but you may be totally different xx

No one knows what will happen. Both of mine I've ended up readmitted to hospital within the first 3 weeks. And the emotions are intense. Honestly there's no time in your life quite like it. Weirdly even though it was the most traumatic time in my life (with my second) I almost look back at it fondly. It's such a strange and complex time. Best thing you can do is make sure your support system is strong and be ready for anything.

Everyone is different. Some of it is chance and luck, some of it is predictable. I knew I’d have hated a baby moon and the concept still makes my skin crawl. I was doing long walks as soon as possible, loved taking DS to the pub with DP and surprised myself with how many visitors we had. Physical recovery from my C section was v easy. Maybe that’s luck, but doctors did say I was a good candidate for surgery, so maybe it was predictable.

By far the harder thing for me is getting to grips with a tiny human who wants to eat all the time, sleep rarely and be held in a very particular way.

I think keep fit and active now to prepare yourself, aim for active recovery afterwards and have no expectations but know that some bits will be very hard and some bits will be easier and more joyful than you hoped.

I've had 3 kids, all different kinds of births. All 3 of my kids slept very well as small babies so I didn't have the sleep deprivation until later but I felt a bit beaten up after all of them, particularly my second and third.
I've had:
-episiotomy pain
-c section pain
-severe anaemia after haemorrhage (caused lots of headaches)
-cramping as uterus contractes back
-painful trapped wind after c section
-agonising nipple pain where they cracked/bled
-psychological trauma after one of the births
-never-ending bleeding and needing help to go to the toilet and to shower for the first week

For my second and third baby, I took pain killers around the clock for a week or two (maybe 3).

Postpartum feels like it goes on and on, and yet it goes by so quickly. In some countries,there is a cultural expectation that women stay at home for 40 days while other women in their family/community care for them. I can see the value in that for sure, but certainly know that Western culture is often about 'bouncing back' and doing the big shop at Tesco on your way back from the hospital after giving birth. Needs must and all that, but if you can, take it as easy as possible. Listen to your body.

Oh yeah, reading the posts since mine has made me remember a bit better.

Your hormones are fluctuating wildly, one minute completely blissful the next crying in the supermarket. But that didn't make it awful for me. Like pmt, you have to just try and be aware and accept your feelings and go east on yourself.

Also, I've been triggered to remember what a friend told me about smiling. Babies take everything from you and give nothing back at all for the first few weeks. Nothing. They just sleep/cry/poo and they appear to not care about you. It's not hell, but it's sort of thankless. And then, like magic at about 4-6 weeks, you look into their crib and they smile at you. Game over.

It’s different for everyone and dependent on your situation. I gave birth in 2020 and I live abroad so no family could travel to us and no friends could visit. DH only got 2 days paternity and couldn’t take any additional time off due to workload so I was totally alone as soon as I got home from the hospital. Combined with a complicated birth and sleep deprivation, I didn’t enjoy it at all and swore I would never have another.

Expecting no2 now and hoping for a less covidy time. I am someone who is terrible on lack of sleep so I know I will struggle with that. However I know this time that it doesn’t last forever and it gets much easier and more rewarding. With my first it felt never ending.

It goes quick! I actually tried to make it last until my 6wks post partum check up.

I found the first few weeks the easiest by quite a long way. I was tired but I didn’t have any birth injuries at all, all of my terrible SPD went away, she used to sleep a lot so we went on lots of days out. I spent lots of time sat on the sofa feeding watching box sets. Then after a few weeks she got dreadful reflux and stopped sleeping. She still doesn’t sleep great particularly well at 2. It’s just luck of the draw.

I found breastfeeding hard and very, very painful. But once we got that sorted, I just found it incredibly boring.