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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

How would you feel - IVF?

32 replies

KatieBeans · 07/10/2022 15:55

How would you feel if you were 10 weeks pregnant via IVF (1st time mum) after a 2 year struggle and your best friend told you she was 8 weeks pregnant with her 3rd baby?

OP posts:
BraveFaceScaredInside · 07/10/2022 16:49

I expect you are feeling a bit put out by easy it is for her? If so don't let yourself feel bad over it. Just accept it is how you feel..

Try and focus on how lovely it will be to go through pregnancy and beyond with a best friend who is so close to the stage you are at. hugs

Got2besoon · 07/10/2022 16:52

Happy to enjoy it all together and to have mat leave with them.

But I've not been in this situation so can imagine emotions are high

26twentysix · 07/10/2022 16:53

Happy to do it 'together'

26twentysix · 07/10/2022 16:54

Unless friend is the kind to constantly make it a been there done that. Oh why do you worry? Ive done this three times and I found it EASY - why are you struggling with pregnancy - kind of thing

lickenchugget · 07/10/2022 16:54

Happy to be doing it at the same time.

Strokethefurrywall · 07/10/2022 16:56

Delighted that I had a friend going through pregnancy with me.

Daisychainsx · 07/10/2022 16:57

I'd be happy for her, as I'd expect her to be for me! I'd have given anything to have gone through this pregnancy with a friend!
You're both pregnant and that's wonderful news, nobody's pregnancy trumps anyone else's in the eyes of the general population, but your own will always be the most important to you.

DragonMovie · 07/10/2022 16:59

Excited to have company on Mat leave

GodspeedJune · 07/10/2022 16:59

Are you the person who had the IVF? If so, how do you feel OP?

I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been through IVF can appreciate how pregnancy announcements can sometimes feel.

PlainJaneSuperbrainthe2nd · 07/10/2022 17:00

I like to think I'd be pleased to be going through it together but also a bit nervous as a loss might feel worse. But whatever emotions you feel are valid OP - you've had a tough journey. Give yourself space and time to feel what you're feeling. Congratulations Flowers

Daysy · 07/10/2022 17:00

I’ve been in this situation and it was great to have someone to go through it with. Although it was my second (IVF) and her first.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/10/2022 17:20

I haven’t had ivf but have had other big issues in this area. I’d be happy for her. I’ve always been happy about friends being pregnant when that’s what they’ve wanted.

How do you feel?

NoNameChangeRequired · 07/10/2022 17:21

Two weeks after our IVF BFP our SIL announced she was also ‘accidentally’ pregnant.

A friend, who had been sensitive enough to let me enjoy the amazement of being pregnant for several week before announcing hers, would make me feel excited that we were having babies growing up together.

Original poster
KatieBeans · 07/10/2022 17:27

I’m actually the friend who is pregnant (accidentally) and terrified of telling her. I don’t want her to feel like i’m taking anything away from her not letting her have her time to be the pregnant one or like another poster says if the worst happens and she lost the baby would she resent me.
I usually tell her really early but want her to at least get to her 12 week scan first. Just feels horrible keeping this from her.

OP posts:
Highfivemum · 07/10/2022 17:28

Really happy for her and also pleased I could go through it all with my friend. The fact you had IVF should not come into it. I have a disability but I don’t get upset when my friend runs the marathon.
your pregnant that’s great. She is too which is great. It doesn’t make urs any less great.
good luck

Cakecakecheese · 07/10/2022 17:32

My sister in law got pregnant naturally with her second child at the same time I got pregnant with my first conceived via IVF. She kept things very low-key to start with, I think to let us have our 'moment' as it were.

It's hard not to struggle a bit with people who conceive seemingly easily while we had to go through fertility treatment and losses but it's not their fault. My son has a cousin very close to him in age and it's lovely as we may not be able to give him a sibling.

Cakecakecheese · 07/10/2022 17:35

KatieBeans · 07/10/2022 17:27

I’m actually the friend who is pregnant (accidentally) and terrified of telling her. I don’t want her to feel like i’m taking anything away from her not letting her have her time to be the pregnant one or like another poster says if the worst happens and she lost the baby would she resent me.
I usually tell her really early but want her to at least get to her 12 week scan first. Just feels horrible keeping this from her.

@katiebeans ah cross posted. Right well with my sister in law I could tell she was pregnant and not saying anything and appreciated what she was doing. You know your friend, would she appreciate it or be hurt?

Snugglemonkey · 07/10/2022 17:45

I would feel pleased that we would be off together and have babies the same age.

How are you feeling though? People feel differently. I have had lots of ivf and understand that it can bring up a lot of feelings.

Bootsandcat · 07/10/2022 17:49

I would be happy for her but feel jealous that it’s so easy for some. It’s ok to feel like that but don’t let the green eyed monster out. Congratulations and wishing you an easy pregnancy xx

CurbsideProphet · 07/10/2022 20:44

You sound a lovely friend to be concerned about how to tell your friend. I'm pregnant through IVF (38 weeks now) and was gripped with anxiety in the early stages. Tbf the anxiety didn't improve until after 20 weeks and hasn't really gone! It can feel hard when everyone else is just getting pregnant whenever they want (I'm sorry if that sounds awful). I think it depends how often you see each other?Does she text regularly about her pregnancy / worries and confide in you? Would she be upset if you waited until after her 12 week scan? All things to consider IMHO.

Original poster
KatieBeans · 07/10/2022 22:47

@CurbsideProphet congratulations on your pregnancy ❤️
Due to various reasons/illnesses we haven’t seen each other for a few weeks so i don’t think she would have guessed but you’re right we message a lot and it does feel like I’m lying to her somehow.

Thanks all for all the feedback. I’ll just have to be open with her soon and give her the space she needs x

OP posts:
ChagSameachDoreen · 08/10/2022 06:59

I would be delighted for her. My struggles are not hers.

ReeseWitherfork · 08/10/2022 07:05

Congratulations OP! Tbh if this is the third time round for you then it’s naturally going to be a bit less exciting than a first (hope I don’t sound mean; I’m definitely not suggesting you shouldn’t be excited). So even if she hadn’t had IVF, I think you’d have naturally let her take a bigger share of the limelight or whatnot. I think it’ll be a bigger thing when the babies are here - she may stress about things as a first time mum that you are far more confident about. So probably just a case of being mindful then!

custardbear · 08/10/2022 07:15

Congratulations! It's hard as everyone reacts differently. Whether she loses it or not she'll still know at sone point but personally I'd probably wait til her /your scans are done

LividLaVidaLoca · 08/10/2022 07:20

Ah okay.

Yes, wait for her scan. After she’s had good news and feels more solid is the best time.

I’ve been there and emotions are crazy, so thanks for being a thoughtful friend.