41 pregnant and terrified

[Lulabella22]

I'm 41, and 5.5 weeks pregnant. We have one DD conceived via IVF in 2014. 3 years later we had a surprise natural pregnancy but this turned out to be an empty sac and I miscarried at 6 weeks. In January of this year we found out I was pregnant again but fear completely took hold, my mental health had taken a beating over covid lockdowns and I was absolutely convinced that a pregnancy would end in disaster. I decided to terminate and had a horrendous experience. Failed MVA, retained tissue, resulting in surgery under general 3 weeks later. I spent many months after full of regret. I'd let fear take hold and drive my decision. Looking back it was the right decision for me at that moment in time and after counselling Ive resolved not to beat myself up about it. Fast forward to now and we are pregnant again! Sounds like I've been foolish, I feel foolish, however almost 20 years of infertility kind of leads you to believe that's your cards. My body seems to have kicked into action in my 40s and I'm now filled with fear again.

Please can those who had pregnancy in their 40s share their experiences. I had mild pre eclampsia at 39 weeks, induction and delivery weren't great, DD spent 36 hours in special care unit. I'm fearful of pre-eclampsia again, placenta problems due to my surgery this year and as a result, haemorrhaging in birth. I'm a right old mess. My experience of termination is putting me off considering it again so I'm really torn. To add to it, I suffer with ectopic heartbeats and really uncomfortable palpitations which have picked up these last few weeks.

I'd love to hear from anyone whose had similar experiences, feelings, palpitations?

Thanks xx

I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant at 47. I’ve had an easy pregnancy apart from nausea in the first trimester. The second and third have been fine. Baby looks to be doing well. Currently kicking me in the bladder. Went for a long walk today with the dogs, energy levels are pretty good.

I’m having a C section as I don’t want to be induced as this increases the risk of an emergency section, forceps, etc something I don’t want to experience. I haven’t been under a consultant and when I met an obstetrician for the first time at 14 weeks, she said she would treat me as anyone in their 20s 🤷🏻‍♀️ midwives also don’t make a fuss of my age. They see it all the time.

Good luck.

@AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut ah congratulations! So glad to hear that you haven't been treated any differently or made to feel "old". Sounds like it's been a breeze for you which is also great to hear. Thank you for replying, and I wish you lots of luck too. Not long left for you now ☺️

Take care xx

@Lulabella22 it sounds like you might be dealing with anxiety. Are you on any medication? There are a few that are really safe during pregnancy. Also it does sound like an elective c section could be a good fit for you, there are pros and cons of course but it’s more predictable, and most people I know who’ve done it would really recommend it.

Congratulations on your little one 🤗I had my fourth child at 41, with gestational diabetes (in each pregnancy) and a planned induction (natural birth with a bit of gas and air). Everyone was very solicitous (professionals) and I was able to relax a little because I trusted my body. I tuned out all the well meaning "was it planned?" comments and just daydreamed about meeting this new little boy. Honestly? I was never stronger or more confident, I did things on my terms and my little boy is now 13, nearly 6 feet tall and brings joy to us all every single day. I wish you all the luck in the world , be kind to yourself.

Thank you @Felixfeather223 I think you are right about a c section although the thought of that terrifies me as much as a natural delivery! I am a very anxious person anyway, I'm currently on a very low dose of propanalol 3 times a day.

And thank you @GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok I definitely do need to be a lot kinder to myself ! Sounds like you were very much in control and it worked out just great 😊

I'm feeling a little calmer with each day, I'm now 6 weeks so still very early days, but thank you all for replying with such kind reassuring messages xx

I also suffer with ectopic heartbeats and when it was diagnosed years ago the consultant said lots of women report these come on or get worse during pregnancy. Mine are triggered by stress, I don’t know if yours are the same but you’re clearly going through quite a stressful time. Also, your blood increases massively which is why they’re even more uncomfortable. The consultant told me they are not dangerous or indicative of any underlying risks (just uncomfortable). I know they can be managed with medication but I think it’s beta blockers and I don’t know whether that’s advisable during pregnancy, I just sit with them until they pass.

I found mine quite bad late in first trimester but I’m now 17 weeks and it seems to have settled slightly. Wishing you all the best whatever you decide.

I had my 2nd at 40. It was absolutely completely fine and without any problems.
But I think you really need super, extra prenatal care as your past experiences are making you anxious. I think you need to ask for any extra care available (i had pnd after my first so was monitored v closely during my second pregnancy-- I was completely fine- but I was grateful for the extra appointments/ monitoring/ opportunity to talk things through).

Had one last year at 45 and expecting another one in 7 weeks at 46. You will be fine

Thank you everyone for your kind messages and advice. This week has been a bit up and down. I had a small bleed, so had a scan and sac is measuring earlier than my dates. I always have a 26-27 day cycle so I'm pretty certain on my dating. Another scan is booked for 2 weeks time. I am feeling really sickly today, dizzy spells and headaches, so only time will tell.

Thank you again for taking the time to reply. It's so lovely and reassuring to hear from others who have had similar experiences xx

Hi all, sorry for jumping on. 41 and done a test this morning. I'm terrified!

Hi @Stressybetty81 I know that feeling !! I'm 10 weeks tomorrow though and since first posting on here I have started to feel better about things. Hopefully you will too ! I had my 2nd scan at 8 weeks (following a little bleed) and saw a heartbeat, although still measuring an exact week earlier than my dates. I have my booking in appointment tomorrow, so it all gets very real from there on in ! Hoping I can talk all my concerns through with the midwife and come out feeling less anxious!

Stay in touch, I understand the fear so it'd be nice to have someone to chat with 😊

So much anxiety! It's very early days for me. I'm not even sure it's a true positive. Just see what happens over the next few days. I think having chemicals and miscarriages it doesn't allow me to be happy just yet. I'll hopefully get an early scan in a couple of weeks xx do you see a line on my test?

I've done calculations and I'm probably only 10dpo. So very very early on. Going to try amd get thru the weekend without testing every day 😅 easier said than done! Still not told my other half yet .. dont want to send him in to panic mode aswell!

That's totally understandable and I would say normal to feel how you are you given previous experiences. Take it one day at a time and as someone else said to me on here, be kind to yourself.

Yes I do see a faint line, are you testing before AF due ?

Ask your midwife about taking aspirin to prevent pre-eclampsia. This is now recommended where pre-eclampsia might be a factor and it is very effective.

I had my last baby at 40 and it worked well. In particular I really enjoyed the night feeds, whereas I felt desperate with an earlier pregnancy. Much more laid back and confident.

Hi @Honeysuckle16 I had my booking in appointment today and will be starting aspirin after 12 weeks. Did you need to take it?

I have to say the night feeds arent top of my list of things I'm looking forward to haha! Hopefully like you say this time round will be more chilled, I do feel like I've forgotten everything though it's been so long !

I think so. I had a chemical last month so not quite sure how that would have affected this months 28 day cycle. I know it can knock things off sometimes. Just going to see how it goes xx

But I definitely had negatives the week after the chemical x

Hi Lulabella22,
It is my daughter who has taken aspirin after discussing with her midwife that myself, her two sisters and other women in the family have developed preeclampsia in pregnancy, causing their babies to be delivered early.

It worked beautifully! She went slightly over term and has a beautiful, healthy girl. No anxieties, no emergency CS and no little one in neonatal.

It’s hard to believe that something so simple could prevent a serious illness but our experience and all the research backs it up.

My own experience is that being a slightly older mum at 40 was very positive. I got extra care during and after my pregnancy and enjoyed my baby. It all comes back plus all the confidence that maturity brings. Go for it!

I was just about to ask if they gave you aspirin :)

I was prescribed that bc of low Papp-a at the combined scan, this gives you preeclampsia risk which I didn’t have, growth restriction which I did and others.

first pregnancy I saw the consultant late and I started taking it at 16 weeks

2nd time around they didn’t wait to see my Papp a again but bc of what happens with the first pregnancy, they told me to take it from 12 weeks and 150mg daily with evening meal. This is double what I was taking, and I looked it up myself and it’s the right dose and to help you do indeed need to start best at 12, and no later than 16.

what I took the first time around might not have helped at all but I hope this time it does.

i had a terrible induction the first time, I haven’t decided yet what I’ll do if I need to be induced again, but I will be booking a CS in any case, and I will see how I feel closer to the time, I can cancel it anytime and it gives me freedom to decide until then

good luck this time around too, it’s good you’re under the right treatment and you’ll be monitored closely

Btw I was 38 when I gave birth the first time and I will be almost 43 now. So same “geriatric” boat :))

I think age is less of a concern that prior history, current health etc.

Most of the babies in my family, including me were born small. I was the same weight as my daughter so might have had the growth restriction/static growth too when my mum was pregnant with me and also I could have had it with my pregnancy even if I was younger. My mum was young when she had me, like 25. She probably had one scan, if that.

Sad times. Bleeding today.

@Stressybetty81 I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending you big hugs xx

I had my first child when I was 41 and my youngest when I was 43. I did have some issues but they were not due to age I was told. Both children are healthy and I'm busy and happy and don't have time for a midlife crisis which is a definite plus. I'm a pretty 'chill' mum at this age - I have confidence in my choices + research, and I care less about what other people think, if that makes sense. Good luck!

@CristinaNov182 thank you for the info on aspirin! I'm glad I'm not starting it until 12 weeks, I don't think I could stomach it right now, nausea has ramped up big time the last few days, evenings are so much worse, exhausted and constantly feeling sick 🤢

I'm too considering a CS due to my induction/delivery last time. Still lots of time to decide, the recovery time puts me off though. I had an epidural at 3.5cm due to my blood pressure rocketing so then everything slowed right down and my DD struggled to breath alone and spent 36 hours in NICU and 5 days on antibiotics 😔

Geriatric boat 😂😂

Me and my daughter were both small aswell, so I'm down for growth scans at 30, 34 and 38 weeks. The extra monitoring is really reassuring though isn't it !