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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Family expecting us to go to them with newborn

45 replies

Maymaymay · 19/09/2022 19:51

Family back from abroad a few weeks after baby due date, but have chosen to stay an hour away and have no means of transport. They have asked us to visit them. If I go over baby could be less than a week old - or up to 3 weeks old. I want to see them but I know I might still be struggling to Breastfeed and potentially healing from any episiotomy or c section. Would you commit to a date or say you will have to see how you feel? Or just say you'll need to come to us ? I'm a first time mum so not sure if I'm over estimating I just think a 2 hour round trip with a week old could be a nightmare?

OP posts:

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Batbatbatty · 19/09/2022 19:54

Christ no. They need to hire a car or rearrange accomodation and they need to come to you. You'll have enough going on.

Plus tiny babies shouldn't be in car seats for that long.

TeaMoreToast · 19/09/2022 19:55

I was still trying to establish BF with my 3 week old and had to sit on cushions after an episiotomy. A 2-hour round trip would have made me cry! I'd ask them to travel to you to visit, but make it clear you will not be up to 'hosting' and a long visit may not be possible.

Bestcatmum · 19/09/2022 19:56

Learn to say no.

Hugasauras · 19/09/2022 19:56

I would just wait and see how you feel. The bonus of going to see them is that you can leave when you want! But just wait till baby is here - you might feel great and want to get out of the house or you might need to stay home. It's just impossible to tell as every birth and first weeks is so different.

Iloveacurry · 19/09/2022 19:58

Christ no. They need to travel to you. Can’t one of them hire a car? Or get a train?

JustAJokeLikeOnTopGear · 19/09/2022 20:04

Newborns mostly sleep anyway. As long as you're not on a strict deadline and can stop for a feed and nappy change if need be I can't see it being a problem.

It's more about if there's somewhere comfortable to sit and feed and relax at the other end that I'd be more bothered about.

CassandraBarrett · 19/09/2022 20:06

Nope.. they can come to you

Moon5 · 19/09/2022 20:07

Absolutely not. They need to come to you.

TwitTw00 · 19/09/2022 20:07

You just don't know how you'll feel but do you mean an hour each way? To many that wouldn't be 'travelling', it would be local. It's a bit unthinking but I'd absolutely have managed an hour, even the second time with a toddler in tow.

Goldbar · 19/09/2022 20:09

They're barmy. You could just have been discharged from hospital at that stage, depending on how things go. There's no way I'd be going to sit in someone's holiday accommodation at that point in time. Tell them either to hire a car or could your OH go and fetch them?

ChickpeaFlour · 19/09/2022 20:10

I think everyone’s different and I would have been ok with that but even then it depends how you and baby are so it’s important you feel can play by ear. Anyone sane would understand that, too. I do hope it all goes well

35965a · 19/09/2022 20:10

The right answer to them is “fuck right off and come to me”

ChickpeaFlour · 19/09/2022 20:11

It also feels a bit unfair to not make it easier for you though as you’ll have enough to focus on.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2022 20:13

You need to learn how to say no. This is an absurd idea. If they want to see the baby, they come to you. Discussion over.

bumbledeedum · 19/09/2022 20:20

Pretty difficult to say this side of having the baby. My first I probably would have been ok with this (although would have had to factor in breaks due to car seat duration) once he was born, I hadn't expected to be so happy to get out and about. My second screamed his head off the entire time he was in a car seat until he was about 6 months old so there's not a chance in hell I would have done a two hour round trip.

Personally I'd probably leave it open and explain you can't commit to dates or even going to them until you know how you're both getting on post birth. Ball is in their court to pull their finger out in working out a way to get to you.

Cakecakecheese · 19/09/2022 20:22

Nope. You'll be settling in and probably won't be in the mood. They can find a way of coming to you.

Paddingtonsmarmlade · 19/09/2022 20:23

A baby that young shouldn't be in a car seat for long periods of time as can impact on their breathing. So no, they'll have to come to you even if you're fit and well to travel.

BendingSpoons · 19/09/2022 20:26

See how you feel. We went to PILs when DD was 2 weeks. It was a bit over an hour and was fine. A week earlier probably wouldn't have been ok.

Ragwort · 19/09/2022 20:27

Just say 'no' ... why are you being so passive? When my DS was born we lived miles away from our families - I didn't even consider visiting them.

HorribleHerstory · 19/09/2022 20:29

I’ve you don’t want to do it, don’t.

but as per a pp an hour is local for us. I did it at 3 days postpartum with baby number one to introduce to family and again at six days to more family and then again to a wedding at ten days all with baby number one, it didn’t feel like travelling to me or us then, just felt like getting back to normal life.

Mummy2C · 19/09/2022 20:31

Advice for newborns is no longer than 30 minutes in a car seat.

bombombo · 19/09/2022 20:34

I definitely wouldn't have wanted to do this. At 3 weeks old DS was still breastfeeding what felt like constantly, including through the night, and I felt pretty much delirious with sleep deprivation. Plus hormones/bleeding/leaky boobs/recovering from a c section - I just wouldn't have wanted to be away from home tbh.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/09/2022 20:34

No way. A week after DD was born we were still in hospital, 3 weeks later I had an infected CS scar and couldn’t have sat in a car for an hour without being in agony.

Hopefully you’ll have a wonderful easy uneventful delivery but plan for the unknown and say no thank you, they can come to you.

Loulou1712 · 19/09/2022 20:42

My hubby went back to work 1 week after DD1 was born, and I drove twice that week to my parents house an house away. I had a difficult birth and it wasn't easy but I had help for a few hours whilst there and mum made me lunch etc so was much better than sitting home alone all day. See how you feel, you may feel OK, you may not x

Sallyh87 · 19/09/2022 20:46

I wouldn’t have been able to do this. I was exhausted, felt gross, was bleeding etc etc. Maybe you will feel different, see how you feel but don’t commit. Also, why can’t they take a train or a bus?

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