When to tell people you're pregnant?

[bossgirl94]

I'm not currently pregnant but my DH and I have been discussing when it happens when we'd tell people.

Just hoping to get some feedback from experience. Did you tell some family sooner than everyone else or wait until much later and told everyone at the same time?

I know there's no right way hoping for people to share their experiences

I’m 6 weeks pregnant. I told a couple of my friends straight away who knew we were trying and having difficulties. It was massively helpful to have someone to talk to about it as it felt weird that it was the biggest thing going on in my life and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it.

My initial plan was to not tell my parents until after we have an early scan, however I ended up telling them about a week ago. I didn’t want the first time I told my parents that I was pregnant to be because I was telling them I was miscarrying. I’d want my mums support if we miscarried and would tell her so wanted to have that moment of ‘I’m pregnant!’ even if it does work out.

I told my Mum immediately.
Work when required.
SC and PIL a few weeks in.
Most people after 12 week scan.

I didn't tell anyone until the 12wk scan.
My hubby told his brother\niece as soon as the pee stick dried 🤣

I had an early scan at 8 weeks, so told family and close friends right after that. I wished I hadn't, because sadly at the 12 week scan the baby's heart had stopped (at 11 weeks). I don't want to suggest you go into it expecting the worst, but I wouldn't tell anyone before the 12 week scan who you wouldn't be comfortable sharing miscarriage news with (I still would have told one or two people I really trusted, but not as many). The stats suggest there is a very significantly better chance of things going well once you've got through the first 3 months. I had to grieve my miscarriage really publicly and hated it...

I told people close to me straight away. They were the people I would tell if I had problems or a miscarriage. I told everyone else after my 12 week scan

First pregnancy we told everyone at about 13-14 weeks apart from my work as I'd had some sickness.

Second pregnancy work and very local friends who I saw a lot knew about 6 weeks as I was really unwell with sickness, further away friends we told about 14 weeks and family we didn't tell until 20 weeks as we live far away and I was too sick to deal with it!

I wanted to wait till first scan to tell anyone but other half told his parents, grandparents and sister straight away. So I felt obliged to tell my parents.

my parents nicely kept it quiet until 12 week scan when I told most other people. Then I told the stragglers after my 20 week scan and gender then too as we weren’t having a surprise.

I did have to tell my manager before my 12 week scan as I needed time off for midwife and hospital appointments and we get the time off free at our work (not using our annual leave).

it’s up to you really. I think most people generally wait until after 12 week scan is it’s more official then and you’re more likely to have answers such as “when is it due” etc

It’s personal preference and circumstances, With the first 3 I told some close family and friends before 12 weeks scan but everyone else I waited till 14-16 weeks to announce, once 12 week scan and everything from the screening had come back low risk we told friends then everyone else graduallly after that.

Currently pregnant with number 4 which is a lot more high risk for me (baby is fine) and we’ve only told 2 people and only after 20 week scan, my close friend and boss. Yet to tell everyone else as don’t want to my family to worry about me for longer than they need to x

With my first I started to tell people around my 12 week scan, including family.

With my second there were a small few people aware I was on an IVF cycle and so I told them the outcome once I knew the pregnancy was viable. Everyone else, including work, waited until around 20 weeks. I loved having it to myself for longer, felt so special.

@Redsharks we’re enjoying only us knowing too 💕 went out with some not so close friends today and one’s expecting after me and they were all speaking about that to her but don’t even know I’m expecting too x

I told my sister and mum the day I found out because I would have wanted their support if anything happened. Other close family and my best friend were told after an early scan and it became common knowledge at 12 weeks.

There’s no right or wrong here so don’t feel pressured to tell everyone at a certain stage, or even at the same time. Early pregnancy is very much about what you need, and only you know whether you need privacy or for your best friend/parents/PIL to know.

Good luck!

This time round (third pregnancy) I told people in drinks and drabs once I saw them after the 20 week scan. Just enjoyed keeping it to ourselves and found the announcements a bit cringe the other 2 times. I am size 16 though so was easy to hide. Also told the kids at 20 weeks too, 20 weeks is already such a long time for them to wait and we knew it was a girl by then so done and dusted and they could get excited about it all at once. Told my parents after 12 week scan.

However friend currently pregnant told me before she told her husband 😄 just depends. Good luck!

I'm 8+2 no one knows and I want to hold out for as long as possible- I've had 2 early scans due to spotting and a bleed and everything seems to be fine but I couldn't bare to have to share the news that we lost the baby- I'll be holding out for as long as possible. It's also nice that me and OH have this to ourselves for a while. We went through IVF and no one knows x

First pregnancy we told our families quite early on as we got BFP a few weeks before Christmas and I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide not drinking or eating soft cheese over the Christmas holidays! I also told a couple of close work friends early as I was feeling sick in the office.

This time, we’re planning on waiting until after 12 weeks to tell everyone. It’s much easier to keep it secret now I WFH and am so busy with my little boy. I see my mum every week so I suspect she will guess before 12 weeks, so I’m waiting to see if she can NOT say anything before then… 😂

OP, I only told people I was very very close to before 12-14 weeks.

This was after having watched as my beautiful DSis and hubby announced their first pregnancy very early, super proud and excited, and then lost that baby at 10 weeks and had to deal with very publicly un-announcing. Made it all so much harder for them both. (Her ILs were especially crass and thoughtless/made it all about "their lost grandchild", so they were the last to know about her next successful pregnancies!)

It's surprisingly common to miscarry before 3 months which is why people advise to keep it relatively quiet before then.

Best of luck <3

I've done it a bit differently with all three, first time we'd been trying for a while and I was quite open about that, and people either guessed or we told them early on around 6 weeks. Second time we waited until 9 ish weeks to tell parents/siblings and 12 weeks to tell everyone else. This time we told parents at 4/5 weeks (knew I'd need the help with the older children!) and then everyone else around 13 weeks. Was stressful trying to keep it hidden to be honest, it was a lot easier first time round when everyone knew from the start. I don't think there is a right time, just think about who you'd want to tell if you miscarried. Two family members have lost their babies after the 20 week scan so for me the 12 week scan doesn't really signify all will be fine, and I'd rather have the support than grieve in secret if the worst happened.

We told our parents (all together) at 11 weeks. Siblings at 13 weeks. Other friends and family at increments after that. I also told my boss at 11 weeks but my other colleagues don’t know yet (summer holidays-will tell them next week at 17 weeks).

I told a friend at 8 weeks, parents/family/everyone else at 13 weeks. Work at 20 weeks. I didn't start showing until very late and it was winter, so my colleagues were shocked.

Announced pregnancy at 14 weeks but we said pregnant not twins as we lost one .

Mum and best friend immediately.
PILs and extended family about 8 weeks
Friends after 12 weeks
Work - 15 weeks with DD1, 9 week with DD2 due to a family bereavement and some complicated leave and travel

A member of my team told me at about 5 weeks. I was a bit concerned to hear so early and as it turned out she lost the baby soon after. But I was able to provide more support than I might have done otherwise.

I told a few close friends and my immediate family at varying points before the 12 week scan. I also told my line manager and HR when I got to about 6 weeks (I had to arrange time off for my booking in appointment so I just told them what type of appointment it was) as I’d had a lot of time off with covid related issues and wanted them to know any absence was pregnancy related. Told other family members/work colleagues at about 15 weeks but I didn’t put anything on social media until I went on maternity leave.

My parents when I was 6 weeks because we were out for a meal, I wasn’t drinking and couldn’t be bothered trying to lie. His parents we told at 8 weeks after an early scan to check there was a heartbeat. Everyone else we told at 12 weeks but I said I was originally planning not to tell everyone until much later.

In hindsight I wish I hadn’t told his mum, she has ruined so many surprises since then that it’s made me realise she 100% must not have been able to keep that to herself so she will have told people. You kind of want someone to moan to and you want sympathy from someone so it would be hard telling no one but I think that’s what I’ll do next time. I would absolutely love to get to 16 weeks, find out the gender then surprise my family 😂 I definitely could have got away with it looks wise last time as I was 23 weeks and it wasn’t even that noticeable still!

Thanks everyone it's really helpful to see your reasonings and what you did.

I've just got a BFP but am only 10DPO so I won't decide who to tell until after my missed AF next Friday - if we get that far.

I had an early scan at the EPU due to bleeding, once we saw all was ok at 8 weeks I told close friends and family, told work too as needed time off for scans.
didn’t really tell anyone else, they would have just seen the big bump or the baby when she arrived 😂

First pregnancy: after the first scan so about 11 weeks.