When to tell people you're pregnant?

[bossgirl94]

I'm not currently pregnant but my DH and I have been discussing when it happens when we'd tell people.

Just hoping to get some feedback from experience. Did you tell some family sooner than everyone else or wait until much later and told everyone at the same time?

I know there's no right way hoping for people to share their experiences

We told people close to us and our IVF support group straight away. It was good to have the support when it unfortunately didn’t work out.

We have just told the inlaws, as l needed clexane giving whilst my fiancé was out for the evening -it’s an ivf pregnancy and l need it every night. We are planning to keep it to ourselves for as long as possible, it’s been a long road to get here: trying for over 4 years, 3 rounds of IVF etc. I will probably have to tell work after my 12 week scan due to some risks in the work l do. We might tell close friends / family after 14 weeks. Then the wider world maybe after 20 week scan or later?

We told no one before 12 weeks and I wish we had. The 3 weeks I thought I was and then was miscarrying were the loneliest of my life. And I never got the joy of announcing that pregnancy. And I told most people about the miscarriage because I was so upset and out of sorts I couldn't hide that something was wrong. I needed that support.

We were in the midst of the pandemic for the only full term pregnancy we had, so we didn’t even announce to family (my parents and ILs) until about 22wks. We continue to get endless grief from MiL about how that decision was wrong, and they should have been told sooner.

(We’ve also experienced mc at 18 and 21 weeks in the past so I don’t feel as though the 12wk scan is the safety milestone for me which it seems to be for many others). I didn’t actually get to have a 12wk scan with that pg due to the covid chaos, although I’d already had two EPU apts.

I never mentioned my pregnancies which resulted in miscarriage to anyone (obv other than DH) and I feel a real mixture of relief and sadness about that at the same time. I feel as though I should have shared it more, as I know what a tough subject it can be to talk about.

Congratulations and good luck with whatever you choose, but there’s no right or wrong answer.

I forgot to say..
Most friends didn’t find out until the baby arrived.

Parents and siblings around 9 weeks, everyone else after 12 weeks. I could have happily not told people for longer tbh but husband was mega excited to start telling close friends and family.

Both pregnancies we have told family soon after we found out, within a couple of weeks.

Some friends have guessed as I'm quite sociable and it became obvious I wasn't going out much (as exhausted) and not drinking.

The rest we waited till after 12 weeks.

First pregnancy, told my husband two days later as he was away with work, so told 2 friends first. Then the night I told my husband went to my parents and told them and my sister.

I miscarried at 6 weeks and then fell pregnant again 8 weeks later with this pregnancy (currently 37 weeks).

Told parents straight away as they had booked for me to go away with them, then everyone else about 11 weeks as I had multiple reassurance scans at work (midwife) and everything looked okay.

Tell them whenever you feel comfortable doing so.
My first pregnancy I was a bit superstitious so didn't say anything to anything to anyone until 12 week scan. Subsequent pregnancies I was more relaxed about and told close friends and family pretty much as soon as I knew, at around 6 week stage.
At work, colleagues tend to say around 16 week stage, when they start to show.

I was - perhaps naively - supremely confident that it wasn't going to go wrong, so I told people from fairly early on. Close family the day after we tested. Other friends and family we told in person if we saw them before twelve weeks, or on the phone following the twelve week scan. Turned out to be twins, so some people did effectively get told twice!

Dc1 I told family and close friends before the 12 week scan. But I think I was excited and very naive. As the pregnancy went along, I became aware of all the things that could go wrong and I then struggled with what felt like a very public pregnancy as I was highly anxious. I worked in a big school and everyone knew and asked me constant questions which made me feel uncomfortable. As it turned out, I had reason to be anxious as I had a horrible traumatic birth which resulted in a huge blood loss and transfusion.

Dc2 we only told our parents and two friends, everyone else found out when dc2 was born! Ok, that was taking it to the other extreme but after the trauma of dc1, my anxiety and knowledge of pregnancy, I wanted a quieter 9 months. It helped that I didn't have to see anyone anyway as it was during covid. We also had a lot of worries and uncertainties with ds2 - her stomach/bowel not forming properly (turned out that sonographer got it wrong), I had bleeding around 12 weeks and had to have an anti d injection due to being rhesus negative, then they suspected she had an echogenic bowel at 20 weeks which can mean all sorts of things, I had a low placenta, sickness throughout and a lot pain at the end due to her being transverse. When she was born, she got very ill with severe jaundice caused by our bloods crossing the placenta and was in special care.

So the question you have to ask yourself is, if things go wrong in whatever way do you want everyone knowing and potentially asking questions? I really didn't and that's why I chose to keep things quiet. Everyone has an individual preference and pregnancy announcements, baby showers, gender reveals can be lovely but I think sadly, you have to be prepared for things that could potentially go wrong.

I’m 15 weeks pregnant (first time). Prior to my 13 week scan I only told two people - my mum and my line manager at work.
I had bleeding and EPU scans at weeks 6 & 8 and told my mum when going through that as I really needed her support. I told my line manager at work at a similar time to explain all the appointments, plus I had to work from home more due to first trimester nausea and sickness.

We told our parents, siblings and close family and friends after the first scan results and I officially notified HR at work at 15 weeks because I needed some adjustments made. Wider family and friends as and when we speak to them but I’d like to wait until at least 20 weeks preferably before making it too public. I also have no intention of putting anything on socials until baby is here safe and sound. I do suffer from anxiety so maybe why I tend to err on the side of caution.

My best friends after the test as I had had 2 recent chemical pregnancies and wanted support in case happened again. Parents told around 8-9 weeks when a bit safer rest was after scan

We found out really early (3 weeks, 3 days) and told pretty much all of our family and friends on the same day. It was over Christmas so luckily we were able to tell most in person. I don’t believe in any of the superstition around waiting and I’m a big drinker so it would have been obvious as everyone knew we were trying :)