Pregnant and Petrified / tokophobia

[Lolly127]

Hey all . 16 weeks tomorrow so getting on a bit now . When I found out I was pregnant I was in the middle of an anxiety mental health relapse, so it’s added fuel to a massive fire . 12 weeks of knowing I am pregnant have passed and I’m terrified , convinced I’m literally going to die in pregnancy , birth or from complications after . I have massive health anxiety and cardio phobia . So when I go to hospitals my heart races or any situation medical related . How is my poor body going to cope with labour ? It just won’t . No body is listening to me . Im under peri natal and they aren’t much use . Want to try me bsck on citalopram which ive still had anxiety on so seems pointless . I wish it was all a bad dream . I cry all day when I’m away from people ; can’t bare to tell anyone , I have no positive feelings towards baby and I feel trapped . At times I feel suicidal as that way I feel in control instead of waiting to die as a result of this . Im Broken

Hi @Lolly127 I won't address your other concerns or issues because I have zero experience or idea.

Tokophobia is a fear of childbirth, correct? And you're terrified of labour. Could you ask for a C-section under general anaesthetic? Then you wouldn't go into labour and wouldn't have to experience the section at all.

(although, I'm not sure how willing they would be to do it under a general, and obviously you'd still have to be in the hospital. Just an idea, maybe it wasn't well thought out but the only other options are vaginal birth or "awake" section....)

I'm not minimising your fears @Lolly127 because they're totally valid and feel completely real and terrifying- but your chances of dying in childbirth at this point in history, in this country, is vanishingly small. In the latest year statistics are available (2017) 0.3% of mothers who gave birth died in the six months after their babies were born. And most of those deaths were suicide or epilepsy, not from giving birth itself directly.

I have given birth twice and suffered catastrophic blood loss both times (6pints the first time and 7 pints the second) but I'm still here to tell the tale... even when something goes really wrong like that the doctors and midwives are on hand to solve the problems.

Talk to your mental health midwife about a planned C Section so that you can feel in control. Good luck, you will be fine.

Thank you all . I’m very complex case as I also have a fear of anaesthetic , especially general. I am lucky enough to have never been in an op theatre ans worry the blue lights and stuff will traumatise me . I had a panic attack in may and went to a&e with a pulse of 153 , so this has terrified me . As I imagine if I was in an op theatre it’s going to be so much higher . I can remember how afraid I felt at that time and vulnerable . This was obviously a misconception issue btw . I’m in a 14 year relationship and have my own home . But I’m waking each night feeling unsafe and panicking . No body knows what to do with me , I feel like sectioning myself . Although I know they won’t have me, I’ve asked before as my anxiety was so bad . Not unwell enough apparently. I guess I just need to vent . It’s always been a fear of mine hence why long term relationship and no child . I’ve not bonded atall and usually I love cute things and shopping but I can’t bare to think of it . I keep telling my family they are letting me die and I won’t see next year . Its really heavy stuff .

Sounds like you need to start taking the anti anxiety medication ASAP!

Have C-section with sedation which will about any panic. In the meantime start CBT & Sertraline.

I really feel for you OP. In my view, you need all the help you can get to stay safe and that might include medication. Citalopram isn't the only option there although you probably know the first couple of weeks on that are rough.
A lot is made of dos and don'ts in pregnancy but the truth is a lot is not evidence based. You know 100% you are at risk of a severe mental health relapse. You don't sound like you're in a position to take excellent care of yourself. If a medicine can help that, even a little, it is possibly a good trade.

I wonder if you can reframe some of the things you mention. I know it isn't nice to have a high heart rate but it isn't inherently harmful. Plenty of people get their pulse that high when they check it, go to the gym, get angry. It's such a resilient organ and I promise you can't literally harm it by being anxious. You can cause problems with long term upset etc but that is a huge unknown and not for you to worry about (easier said than done).

Anxiety is a feeling which gives you a lot of false information and it sounds a bit like the logical side of you is taking that false information as truth. I'm not saying it isn't real for you. I'm saying it might help you to remind yourself often that these feelings aren't an accurate picture of your situation. Not trying to undermine your experience just have had similar before and learnt that some tips and tricks can take the edge off and what you want is to take every small win you can.

Good luck.

I had a c-section for the same reason and had just about written my will before it, I was so sure I wouldn’t live to tell the tale. It was absolutely amazing in the end up and I completely surprised myself with how fine I was. The only nippy bit of the whole thing was the cannula in my hand. I would 100% do the same again if I decided to have another, which just sounds insane to me as I never thought I would have been able to have one! Get some medication, if that’s not working try another one. Get a plan in place for what you’d feel most comfortable with and be in control of the situation. Meeting your baby will be the best day of your life

The last few comments have shown real empathy and I truly appreciate it . I just can’t enjoy this pregnancy, won’t make plans for the future , resent my partner . It’s been tough and I just feel so so scared of hospital . For me it doesn’t feel a safe place . I just hate the thought of it all ; I panic at the bloody dentist and get a racy heart

Hi lolly127 I’m not sure if you are still active on this thread but wanted to see how you are doing now, I really sympathise with what you wrote as I’m going through similar. I hope you are well

Hi Abbe ,
yes still active here : ) currently in bed with my 6 months old daughter . Pregnancy was a tough journey and the birth wasn’t what I wanted . Emergency c section , but it was the best experience of my life . I wish I could go back and do it again and enjoy it more . I wish I enjoyed my pregnancy , birth was bad for me but so amazing at the same time .

@Lolly127 aw glad to hear you’re doing well now 😊 That’s a shame about the birth being an emergency but who really cares once you’re out the other side of it and you’re both okay! My second c-section is tomorrow 😬 trying to force myself to ‘enjoy’ it this time instead of just being petrified

Hi @Lolly127 This is so amazing to hear! Not the part of the pregnancy and birth being tough but to hear you made it through and you are doing well now! And your baby! It gives me hope so thank you for replying! I had a bit of a melt down at my first scan yesterday and started crying about how scared I was and the midwife just looked at me so bewildered!

I was like this every appointment , I would shake with nerves . I was under the perinatal team and they turned out to be wonderful ! I actually went to visit the hospital to deliver some flowers and they cried . Happy tears as they were so glad I hadn’t suffered any trauma as I was quite unwell during pregnancy . I had a physically very health y pregnancy , yet mentally I was convinced I wasn’t in good health . I even looked up to the room we stayed in post section and I was envious of whoever may have been in there , enjoying the most amazing first few hours / days with their new bubba . You can do this . You’ve hit a milestone already . If I can help you with anything , please reach out xx

Best of luck with your c section . Remember the absolute high you get after it . I just can’t forget that and it’s pure magic . You’ve got this

Thank you.. this is very true ☺️ the waiting about nervously is by far the worst bit

Hi @Lolly127 can I ask which hospital you were at? The one I am with is pretty terrible and won’t even refer me to the perinatal mental health team

Hey honey, I was at Bolton where are you ? On what basis have they said they won’t refer you ? That’s terrible !

Hi @Lolly127 im at north Middlesex. They said they are dealing with women with schizophrenia and suicidal so can’t see me.

@Abee89 insane! Its not your problem who they’re dealing with 🤷🏼‍♀️ They should be seeing you too! I would just keep at them, even if it means phoning between midwife appointments to highlight how anxious this is making you. I ended up phoning the midwife almost in tears when I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. They did eventually take me seriously! Hopefully you get somewhere with it, do not take no for an answer!

Hi @Goodnewsday its crazy because when I very first referred myself to them my first question was do you have a perinatal mental health team to support with this, they assured me they did and would get me counselling asap. That was 13 ago. I’ve begged every week since. Even ended up crying hysterically at my 12 week scan, still nothing. I only received my first call from my midwife yesterday, who I’ve never heard from before to tell me she’s going on annual leave for 2 weeks. She had not looked at any of my notes or requests I ended up breaking down on the phone and her response was to tell me to call bpas. I’ve contacted another hospital now

Hey! I know this thread is a little bit older. But I could have written this myself!

just wondered how you got on? I have just found out I’m pregnant and I am in exactly the same state as you. I hope you’re doing okay!

@chloe933 congratulations! You will be fine, please try not to spoil the experience for yourself (like I did)! I have gone on to have a second (both csections) so if I can manage it twice anyone can 😂

Thank you! I am such an anxious mess!! I don't know how my body will even cope with pregnancy. The thought of having to go to the drs and the hospital and have different tests etc fills me with anxiety. My HR last time I went to A&E was 148 and I was just sitting on the bed, albeit in full blown panic. But still. I'm just so scared 😩

@chloe933 oh you poor thing! You will honestly be fine. There are quite a few blood tests but most of the tests In pregnancy are just the same things again and again so maybe you will start to find it easier when you’re just having the same appointments again and again. Maybe see if the midwife can put you in touch with some mental health support? Just take it one day/one week at a time and you will get there. I was terrified of everything, even just the being pregnant part (never mind getting the baby out) but I found being pregnant a lot easier than I imagined! The only ‘bad’ bit was the being sick part at the start then it did get easier