Pregnant and Petrified / tokophobia

[Lolly127]

Hey all . 16 weeks tomorrow so getting on a bit now . When I found out I was pregnant I was in the middle of an anxiety mental health relapse, so it’s added fuel to a massive fire . 12 weeks of knowing I am pregnant have passed and I’m terrified , convinced I’m literally going to die in pregnancy , birth or from complications after . I have massive health anxiety and cardio phobia . So when I go to hospitals my heart races or any situation medical related . How is my poor body going to cope with labour ? It just won’t . No body is listening to me . Im under peri natal and they aren’t much use . Want to try me bsck on citalopram which ive still had anxiety on so seems pointless . I wish it was all a bad dream . I cry all day when I’m away from people ; can’t bare to tell anyone , I have no positive feelings towards baby and I feel trapped . At times I feel suicidal as that way I feel in control instead of waiting to die as a result of this . Im Broken

Hey Chloe ,
I was a mess all pregancy . Did have some good days but I was filled with dread ! I did get some support but really I had no choice but to give birth of course . When the time did come around I did panic , I was only in early labour . But then I found once I got into established labour I was in too much pain to panic . I ended up in a section as I wasn’t dilating enough . It was a wonderful experience and I’ve been more terrified when in states of panic with my HR than I was on that operating table . I had an epidural before the c section was decided and I think I was so tired I just wanted it done . If the pain is what you fear then have the drugs, I tried to be a martyr but it was painful but not scary . If I could go straight to the birth again I would , the 9 months of worry was by far greater than the actual event xx

Thank you so much, I'm glad your experience was positive!!

I'm not so much scared of the pain of labour, more the strain of it on my body, I already truly believe my body will not be able to cope with labour and I will die... I constantly picture myself in hospital with a sky high heart rate and everyone is panicking preparing some kind of crash team to try and save me.
It sounds so ridiculous when I write it down but it's so real to me, especially since that trip to A&E and my HR being 148 and them being concerned. Although I am so convinced something is wrong with my heart or lungs or both, or my body in general really! But I'm too petrified to even want to get any type of tests because I'm sure they'll find something completely catastrophic. It's soooo hellish. I really want this baby and I am tentatively excited and I hope it will end up helping me in the long run, but the entire thought of being pregnant and all the things that could still go wrong post partum/during labour terrifies me! Xx

Hope it gets better for you x

I’m 36 weeks and so scared, my whole pregnancy I’ve had to pretend it’s not happening, I’ve been anxious and depressed I’m not even excited to meet the baby and so scared I’m going to freak out in labour and loose my marbles 😢