breastfeeding- pressure from in laws! HELP

[fabulousmama]

hi guys
i’ve posted previously about me being anxious how my in laws will act and take over once i’ve given birth.

i have now given birth and have only been breastfeeding to get my supply going and also because it’s better for baby. i don’t want to introduce a bottle as of yet because i don’t want there to be nipple confusion. the nurse has advised me to not bottle feed until at least 6 weeks.

nurses have been coming out to me for regular weigh ins for baby to see if she is getting the right amount of milk as you can’t tell when your breastfeeding due to some babies just suckling for comfort but my baby has been putting weight on and the nurses are very happy with how i’m feeding and the times.

HOWEVER my baby does cry like every other newborn! this is where my FIL says just give her a bottle so i can take her in my room and feed her .. basically saying i’m not feeding her properly or my milk basically is not enough because she’s crying. he has said this a few times to which i just ignore .. my MIL has said during the nights when baby is crying that tomorrow were gonna get bottles so she can have it that way.

every other day the nurses come and say i’m doing an amazing job and then in laws say this.

it’s bad enough i’m already feeling very emotional and going through baby blues at the moment.

at times the pressure is getting to me and when she cries i just feel like giving her a bottle before my in laws say i’m not feeding her.

i just don’t understand them .. babies are meant to cry .. she’s only two weeks fgs. going through all sorts of emotions rn

Just tell them to fuck off out of your house.

Or better yet, make your husband do it. It's your home, your baby, your body, your choice. They can mind their own business or bog off.

Do you live with your ILs?

Where is your partner in all this?

Do you live with them or are you just staying for a while? I hope you are able to leave for your own place sooner rather than later.

if baby is 2 weeks old and you are feeling emotional, and as if the baby blues are ongoing, please speak to your midwife/HV, just so they can support you and be aware. Tbh, it would be understandable to feel emotional with PIl piling pressure on!

Congratulations on your new baby

They’re chatting nonsense. You’re doing an amazing thing by breastfeeding. Babies cry, it’s not going to stop just from giving them a bottle. Please keep doing your own thing and tell them to bugger off.

"I don't remember asking for your opinion"

Repeat as necessary.

i wish i could! i live with my in laws! trying to find our own place but very hard at the moment and long process

You’re doing brilliantly and they can feck off.

My mother felt somehow DEEPLY uncomfortable with my breastfeeding as a concept, god knows why, but when she said shit like this and I directly challenged her (like, ‘you must have seen the five million adverts saying breast is best, why on Earth do you want me to stop) it was all to do with how they had been really forced/coerced to bottle feed in her day and so breastfeeding had all these icky connotations for her. It was so frustrating for me!

Also I just stuck my baby on the boob every time they cried! Worked brilliantly for me!

yes i live with my in laws so i can’t escape. i’m looking for my own place with my partner. he supports me and says i’m doing an amazing job and tries to explain it to his parents but they still go on about it.

im seeing my midwife in two days and she did mention about on going support due to mental health

thank you ❤️❤️❤️

I think I would just lie there in my bed with my top off, boobs on proud show, feeding my baby. They should keep their distance then sure enough and leave you in peace.

How you feed your baby is none of their business. They can go waste their money on bottles, you don’t have to use them. Sounds like you’re doing an incredible job so far, and you PIL are completely out of touch. Ignore them.

As you say babies cry. You’re completely right - everyone knows that - if they don’t understand that then they are thick as shit and can’t be helped. As above, tell them to sling their hook - either out of your house or, if your living with them, your room .

You need to get DP to have a strong word with them about it and tell them to back off. Or even better, the midwife!!

Your baby, your body, your choice. You have been told you are doing a good job by the professionals.

Early days can be hard going without obnoxious comments from in laws. Keep doing what YOU want & what is best for your baby.

Congratulations on your new baby & hang in there 💐

another thing i wana add is if my baby cries during the night my MIL runs across the landing knocking on our door asking to come in. i obviously say she’s fine i’m just changing her nappy or gonna feed her so i don’t open the lock so she goes back. every single time she hears a cry she comes running every night. FIL also makes her get up to see what’s going on .. thank god we have a lock ..

one night she didn’t cry and i got a call from MIL at 3 in morning so i panicked because why would she call me at that time unless it’s an emergency and so i picked up while i was feeding my baby. she asked if everything’s okay as she hasn’t heard any cries!!! there’s no winning!

Is it a long process moving out because you're saving to buy a house or some other reason?

I wouldn't tolerate this and it'll only get worse, I'd get out in any way I can- rent a flat, do anything.

@fabulousmama Your situation sounds really hard (I'd hate to live with anyone other than my immediate family unit!). You're doing a fantastic job breastfeeding. Maybe say to midwife you're finding in laws are pressuring and see if the midwife is willing to have a chat with them?

I would find that unbearable. You need to establish some boundaries or your mental health really will suffer. Can you tell the midwife/HV about the pressure you are getting and ask for them to reassure your in laws?

This sounds like a nightmare OP. Just tell them you’re following updated advice, you won’t be introducing a bottle any time soon and Midwife is happy with progress. Say it a few times then if they continue tell them they know your views and it’s not up for discussion. Get other half saying exactly the same. Every. Single. Time. They will get the picture eventually.

I'm so sorry you are going though this. My mil was a interfering old boot too. When I had my first 20 years ago I used to nod and smile then walk walk away. You will get through this. Take your MW advice and get support for your blues.
Your mil and fil are just jealous uou are baby's mum not them.
We are here for you.

You are doing the best for your baby and your in laws are idiots.
Do not think for a moment that you don't have enough milk. Remember breast milk is supply and demand. The more your baby feeds the more milk you will make. Baby is putting on weight and that's all you need to know.
It's not helpful for your mental health to have this stress. It is definitely not helpful that you are stuck in their house.
I had a similar situation. I just learned to shut my ears to the negative comments and pretended they weren't there. It's not easy but try to ignore them and blank them. Talk to your baby not them. "Isn't granny silly you don't want plastic bottles do you" " Grandad thinks you are a baby cow what a funny grandad" The more you don't rise to their crap the less power you give them.

Get a lock for your bedroom door and use it and tell them to fuck off. The last thing a new mother and newborn need is people stressing you out.

”I am taking advice from the HV. I will not be introducing a bottle until AT LEAST six weeks and maybe not even then if baby and I are happy. So please do not mention this again” And when they do start up again : “we’ve had that conversation so no need to revisit it”.

No mother needs to alter her feeding choices based on the views and pressure from others.

Your DH needs to tell his parents very firmly and directly, but politely, that the way they can help best is by letting you and he find your way with the baby and only offer help or an opinion when asked.

Then just keep saying ‘thanks Dad but let us find our own way’ every single time.

If moving out is not an immediate option you just need to be very blunt with them.

Tell them that you know all the current advice on looking after a baby, the midwife is in touch regularly and is more than happy with how things are going.
If they still don’t take the hint, be honest and tell them their advice is incorrect and antiquated and unfortunately of no use to you. So they can keep it to themselves .

Tell them to stop knocking on your door in the middle of the night. It is intrusive and inappropriate - unless they need help with something. If you need their help you will call for them.

If they can’t modify their bonkers behaviour I think you and your DH really need to discuss moving out. I personally would have no patience for this.

He might just be saying he would like the opportunity to fed her rather than putting you down unless he has specifically said your not doing it right

no as mentioned in the post- he has said that i’m not feeding her enough and my milk is not enough for her that’s why she keeps crying. he wants a bottle so he can take her and feed her himself so she ‘doesn’t cry’ basically saying i’m making her cry because whatever i’m doing is not enough.

Can you go and live with someone else? Your family maybe till you and your partner find somewhere.
I'd threaten to move out to your family if they don't back off.