Please comfort me, the stress feels overwhelming

[GirlMama21]

Back in February this year I had probably one of the worst timed MVAs, on Valentines Day, alone in hospital. The loss of that twin pregnancy was our second, after I had my first MVA in May 2021 when we experienced our first mmc.

Despite desperately wanting our rainbow baby, we gave up ttc after the MVA in February- the thought of experiencing another loss was too traumatic. Since then until now I have been very slowly and painfully recovering from my grief. You never forget what you've lost, but time is kinder to you as it passes....

On 20th July we were shocked to discover we were expecting again, completely unplanned and I only tested because I was feeling rotten- though I originally put feeling not quite right down to that heatwave. DH and I were shocked, but overjoyed and every day since then has been absolutely terrifying.

What gave us a shred of hope these last 3 weeks is that despite it being very early days, I have had quite strong symptoms- very sore/sensitive boobs, utter exhaustion, queasiness, metallic taste, killer reflux. We were barely allowing ourselves to believe that this was a good sign and maybe just maybe we might end up with a baby in our arms this time, when my symptoms have suddenly disappeared. It's been the case for 2 days now- all of them, gone, just like that 💔. This is exactly how my other two mmcs started off and I was ignored by medical professionals and told I wasn't miscarrying because I was not bleeding.

The thought of a 3rd mc in a row is sickening, would put me in that 1% of women who have experienced 3 or more in a row. I just feel sooo mentally overwhelmed and down, can someone please just share some kind words. Those of you who have experienced multiple losses in a row, how did you cope and carry on? I know it's not been confirmed I am miscarrying, but it is too early for a scan to confirm anything right now- 5+2 today- and in my heart I tremble because my body has been through this twice before...

Am I setting myself up for a bigger fall if I dare to hope things could still be ok despite the above and my history, or is it better for my MH if I accept it's probably game over again? I have booked a scan for the 14th Aug when I would be 2 days shy of 7 weeks, assuming that will be better timing to give a yes/no one way or another. How do I survive the next 10 ten days until then? Doubt I'll start bleeding before then even if I am miscarrying- I had to have MVAs with my other two because my body simply refused to start the process of removing the pregnancies 💔.

The support I got on here when I posted about the twin pregnancy touched my heart and I was so grateful ❤️. Please now help me get through this you kind souls out there, I feel I'm breaking 😪.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've no experience to share, but I'll be thinking about you over the coming weeks and will be sending all positive thoughts your way. Take care.

I'm so sorry for the pain you have been through. I've had 1 MMC 3 months ago and it was honestly one of the most difficult things I've been through. The mc has definitely taken the sparkle away from my new pregnancy (im 6 weeks). I have no advice other than try and take each day as it comes. I've found distracting myself and trying to keep busy is the only way to make those hours pass. Best of luck for the scan ❤

Very sorry for your losses OP.

I also had two miscarriages in a row, both in 2019. I felt a great sense of despair and loneliness as I didn't have any friends/family who had experienced similar.

I decided I needed a plan of action and a sense that I was doing something to address what was happening. We went to a private clinic to get the ball rolling on tests. Before we were able to complete more in depth testing how we, I was pregnant for the 3rd time and the clinic took a view of just throwing everything at it they could, so I was on a cocktail of medication including aspirin, thyroid meds, blood thinner injections, progesterone pessaries, etc. I had weekly scans at the clinic from 6 weeks and regular blood tests beforehand to check hcg levels were doubling as expected. I was a very intensive process but it made me feel very well taken care of, and I felt positive as I had the sensation we were doing something proactively to help this pregnancy work out.

My daughter was born in 2020.

I remember those difficult times during my miscarriages and I'm immensely grateful we had a successful third pregnancy, I know this doesn't happen for everyone so I know we were fortunate.

I don't know if you'd consider private tests if this were to turn out to be another miscarriage but hopefully despite a loss of symptoms there's a glimmer of hope this pregnancy could work out for you. I certainly hope so!

@FineandDandie Thank you for your kindness ❤.

@Bobduncan Thank you and I hope you have a safe and successful pregnancy . I know that feeling, of not being able to enjoy pregnancy after a loss.

@LASandOtto Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience and I'm sorry you had to go through all that before happily having your daughter. I don't know if it's worth going down the testing route for us because I know for sure we will not be ttc again if this does end up being a third miscarriage. I know what you mean about glimmer, but I've gone from very strong symptoms to none and suddenly feeling full of energy again etc. If I hadn't experienced the exact same with my other two losses I think it would be easier to convince myself all can still be well, but unfortunately this is exactly how my other two mc went. Feel like it will be mentally tougher if I cling onto hope only to discover the inevitable at a scan. So awful to be waiting for a scan (yet again, been through it all before twice) for them to confirm whether you've definitely lost your little one 💔.

I say this from experience about the pain of harbouring false hope- in Feb we lost one twin very early on, but with the second twin it was back and forth with scans until they finally decided there was definitely no chance and we'd lost both. With twin two I kept on clinging on to hope and it was all the more devastating when we lost him/her 💔.

So sorry for your losses @GirlMama21

I lost 7 in total. To be honest I just had to take it second by second hour by hour. I was/am a serial tester and for me clearblue digitals were very accurate so I'd take those as a sort of "comfort" and track when I'd get 3+. If it took too long I'd know things werent right. Symptom wise I had more symptoms with my miscarried babies than I did with my healthy eventual pregnancy. I guess in my heart I always knew. I just tried to keep as busy as possible - going to bed early to make the next day come sooner x

@cantcomplainabouttheweather I don't even know what to say, I feel like crying hearing what you've been through and in awe at how strong you must be❤.

With my previous two mc I miscarried despite earlier on getting the 3+ with textbook progression on CB digitals. I actually did one today and despite being 25 dpo according to my app (although I can't be sure as I wasn't tracking, surprise pregnancy!) it still came up as 2-3 weeks. I think in previous pregnancies I got the 3+ around 21 dpo. So this seemed like the nail in the coffin, but then I read in the leaflet you need to use FMU for an accurate weeks reading and I didn't so then that unreasonable spark of hope flares up again 😳. Planning on using the second test in the pack tomorrow with FMU and if it's still a 2-3 then, alongside AWOL symptoms, then it seems stupid to not be realistic about things...

It’s up there with one of the most unfair things in the world, along with cancer in children etc. No one should have to experience any of that once, let alone multiple times 🤦🏼‍♀️ I can totally see why you decided to stop. It’s impossible to say ‘just forget about it’ but that is literally the only thing you can do to get you to that date. Plan lots of lovely things for you to do between now and then. Dinners out, shopping, a little mini spa pamper day to yourself in the bathroom, chocolate etc. The time will come around and you’ll go for that scan to get the best news ever! I wouldn’t get too bogged down with the dates on the pregnancy test as I think mine stayed on the same reading for about 9 days or something before changing to 3+. My friend is in that awful 1% and I would fully expected by now she would have given up but I’m so delighted to say I bought a ‘can’t wait to meet you’ card for her baby the other day, she’s due next week. As I carried it to the checkout I sort of had a flash back to lying in bed one night crying for her at the fact it had happened again. I was pregnant too which just made it seem so much worse at the time. I imagined what I would write in the card for this so-longed for baby and how excited I was to see him or her. By the time I got to the girl at the checkout my eyes were completely filled with tears 🙈 I think too often we just see this system of pregnancy test, scan, pregnancy announcement on Facebook, healthy baby, when in reality for lots of people that isn’t how it goes every time. It makes her baby seem so much more wanted in the most strange way. I just can’t wait for them to get to do it all and I’m so sure you will too 💫 good luck

@Goodnewsday I guess I still have some hormones in me at least because reading that account of your friend while going through this just made me bawl my eyes out. So lovely to hear about her happy ending and hope she has a safe birth ❤️.

I've just done the other CB digital with FMU and it's still 2-3 weeks at 26 dpo....symptoms are still also gone...so I know where this is heading from unfortunately being there before 💔. Although this would be my first mc without ever even reaching 3+ on the CB...

I don't know if anyone who has had a natural mc would agree, but I seem to only have silent/ mmc...so just like the previous two times, despite loss of all my symptoms I'm not in dire pain (have some on off cramping, but nothing horrific) and have no bleeding. Both previous times I had to have an MVA because my body wouldn't expel the failed pregnancies....for me it just adds an extra layer of stress and trauma. The op is horrific, you are awake when it is performed and because my mc were May 2021 and Feb this year they were post covid so I wasn't allowed anyone with me. During the one in Feb when we lost our twins I nearly passed out so they had to flip me upside down halfway through while in stirrups to bring me back round...the thought of going through all that again is just absolutely traumatic. Partners have rightly been allowed into labour again since ages, but women going through the trauma of losing their babies are still expected to deal with it alone, just don't see the logic of this. I know my local hospital still has a no partners policy for the MVA.

Feels so morbid discussing the above without official confirmation, but there's only so much false hope you can give yourself and I guess I'm at a point now where I'm trying to protect my MH as much as I can. Will be going into the scan to get confirmation of what I pretty much know. Anything to the contrary would be the most amazing surprise, but my heart is heavy because I think it knows, just like it did the last two times... I just wish the rest of it could be over, rather than this waiting and dreading knowing what's to come.

I'm a mess, random bouts of tears, wish the time would just roll forward and I can put it all behind me...

I'm so so sorry you're going through this stress and heartbreak. It's horrific! I hope and pray that this pregnancy sticks for you and I will be following for updates. I will think of you on your scan date 🤞🏼
You so deserve that happiness, and I'm sure even if not this time round, you will get that moment eventually.
I had a mmc for my first pregnancy followed by a chemical and then eventually conceived my son. In both pregnancies I had a few days here and there when symptoms could come and go, and it didn't mean anything in the end. One time negative outcome, one time positive. So I think there probably is still some home but I also sense that you feel more comfortable accepting worst case scenario mentally just now and if that helps you then maybe go with that.
Your experience of the MVA sounds awful and so sorry you had to do that alone. Like you say it's madness that they are still allowing women to experience that alone despite lifting covid restrictions lifting...
so I was wondering if maybe worst case scenario occurs this time, would you consider trying the tablet? You insert it in the hospital but then go home for it to take effect and means you could be tucked up in your bed with your partner there for emotional support, cuddles, hot water bottle etc. and he will be there for you when everything passes (for want of a better term). Something to think about maybe. Hopefully it never comes to that!
Sending so much love ❤️

*hope

I'm so sorry for you have to go through this again and again..I recently found an app that runs by a motherhood therapist and there are lots of courses and workshop and article you can just try to read/watch/listen to them and amazingly make you feel calm distress, just take a few moments to take this mind off and sit down, make yourself a cup of tea, I wish you have a lovely Friday. sending you all the good vibes xxx

apps.apple.com/ph/app/mamas-modern-village/id1614272799

I'm so sorry for your losses OP and for what you're going through. I really hope the clearblue test was just innacurate and it's not the end of this pregnancy. How many weeks are you now? What you've been through is devastating 💔

I'm in the 1% of having had 3 mc. I had them all this year - two very early at about 5 weeks and one at 6+3 right after we saw the heartbeat. I'm now pregnant again, just over 4 weeks with an unplanned pregnancy this time as we were going to wait to TTC again. Really really happy as had wanted to be pregnant again but also very nervous - I'm taking progesterone this time and also looked into how natural herbs and vitamins etc can help and I've been given an early scan so I feel more looked after and hopeful again this time despite also being scared. I also had some blood tests and they've come back normal so far. I have a DD who is 2 and she was conceived quickly, no losses before her.

I guess I just wanted to say please don't lose hope. I understand not wanting to ever try again if you do lose this pregnancy, it's heartbreaking and so so hard to come through especially after multiple losses. But they can do a LOT of tests these days and sometimes it's a very simple fix - such as needing progesterone or taking an aspirin a day. So please know that if you find the strength to try again, its very likely you will get your rainbow baby, as a lot of women go through stuff like this and still the majority do eventually have a baby. It's so hard tho and takes a lot of energy and strength.

After you have had 3 losses you are entitled to advanced tests via NHS recurrent miscarriage clinics. I recommend going to a Tommy's recurrent miscarriage clinic if you are near one, they are the best. I was seen only a month after my 3rd miscarriage and most of the results were quick too.

Sending you a lot of love. I know how it feels. In terms of getting through the next few days - try to distract yourself, eat nice food if you can, do things you enjoy, be gentle on yourself. Take time off work if able. You will get through and it will get easier xxx

Sending a huge hug your way. I’m sorry you have had such a horrid time. I’m no expert at all but I was wondering if you told your GP how you are feeling if they could book you in for an early scan. Could you book an early private scan? Or even tell a little fib and say that you had a small bleed? Shocking to lie I know but with both my pregnancies as soon as I said I was bleeding (which I was) they booked me in for a scan straight away. I really hope things work out for you, you sound lovely

I am so sorry and want to send you a big hug. Can appreciate how you are feeling. I lost two in a row and then with my next - anything would set me off and start thinking the worst.

I had a meltdown at 8/9 weeks which is when I lost my others. Couldn't stop crying, my sickness was getting better - assumed it was all over again. But it wasn't - went for early scan - all fine.

I have to say - I don't think I really connects with my last baby early in pregnancy as I just didn't believe it would work. We didn't tell some family till nearly 30 weeks!

I am hopeful for you.

Do you have a midwife yet, even though it's early it might still help to talk to someone?

Please let us know how things go xx

@ginaDM Thank you for your kind and thoughtful post ❤️. I have a bleeding disorder, though thankfully a milder one, which means I tend to bleed more than an average person so because of this I was advised against medical management at home- I was told I would have to complete medical management in hospital under supervision so the MVA seemed the lesser of two evils. To be honest I have found the post op recovery to be ok both times, just the actual op itself which is horrific and obviously that's magnified by having to go through it awake and alone. Your post has made me realise I'm actually not sure what I'd choose this time round if it comes to it, trying not to think that far ahead for now tbh 🙁.

@jacqueNR Thank you so much for this, I will definitely check it out xx

@Skylark1990 Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience and I really hope you have a healthy and happy pregnancy this time ❤️🌈. So much useful information in your post, thank you, I will come back to this if the worst does happen x.

Early reassurance scans can be carried out from 6 weeks, given your history and how worried you are I would bring it forward if possible to try and give yourself some positivity and avoid over a week of torturing yourself

@Chasingclouds100 I have managed to speak to my GP who in turn spoke to my local EPU. Given my history the EPU have agreed to scan me next Thursday. I'm 5+3 today so can understand why they want to wait a week- hopefully a clearer outcome either way at that stage- but it doesn't make the wait any easie, it's torture. I've rearranged the private scan as it would've been a few days after the EPU one now, but I don't know if I'll even need it by then tbh, I wonder whether they refund you if you mc before the scan 🥺. Thank you for your kind words and I will definitely update xx.

@lifehappens12 I am so sorry for your losses ❤️, but so happy for your rainbow baby at the end of it all! I know that feeling- there hasn't really been a single moment since I found out about this pregnancy that I haven't felt worry and fear instead of pure joy. I've been given a booking in appointment for next month, but I don't know if I'll need it by then. I wish it was a case of losing one or two symptoms, but for pretty much the 4th day now I've lost all of them suddenly and at once. There are threads on here about ladies posting about loss of symptoms and then going on to have a good outcome, but my previous losses make it harder for me to dare hope I'll be one of those lucky ones 😔.

I would do this.

Yeah it isn't good to lie but it wouldn't hurt anybody, and if the scan is all positive it just gives you some reassurance.

@iilikerustyspooons My GP has managed to get me a scan at the EPU, but they've said next Thursday no earlier. At least that's a few days earlier than the private one which I'd booked, buy have now pushed further along.

I'd be 6+3 next Thursday when EPU are willing to see me. As much as I want an answer now, with the twins we were sent back and forth for scan after scan until they were sure both had gone so if waiting a bit longer means a clearer answer and not coming back again I guess it's more sensible. The waiting easier said than done though 😕.

Sorry would be 6+2 when EPU see me, am 5+3 today. At that point if there's no embryo and/or HB then combined with loss of symptoms and my history I guess it would be quite definitive 💔 if it went that way.

@GirlMama21 awww so sorry to read today’s update, really hope you’re wrong and things take a turn for the better before next week 🤞🏼 My friend also had to go through that awful op, it sounds absolutely horrific. She asked to be given something to sedate her the final time she had to get it. It’s just an added layer of unfairness 😞 keeping everything crossed for you