Back in February this year I had probably one of the worst timed MVAs, on Valentines Day, alone in hospital. The loss of that twin pregnancy was our second, after I had my first MVA in May 2021 when we experienced our first mmc.
Despite desperately wanting our rainbow baby, we gave up ttc after the MVA in February- the thought of experiencing another loss was too traumatic. Since then until now I have been very slowly and painfully recovering from my grief. You never forget what you've lost, but time is kinder to you as it passes....
On 20th July we were shocked to discover we were expecting again, completely unplanned and I only tested because I was feeling rotten- though I originally put feeling not quite right down to that heatwave. DH and I were shocked, but overjoyed and every day since then has been absolutely terrifying.
What gave us a shred of hope these last 3 weeks is that despite it being very early days, I have had quite strong symptoms- very sore/sensitive boobs, utter exhaustion, queasiness, metallic taste, killer reflux. We were barely allowing ourselves to believe that this was a good sign and maybe just maybe we might end up with a baby in our arms this time, when my symptoms have suddenly disappeared. It's been the case for 2 days now- all of them, gone, just like that 💔. This is exactly how my other two mmcs started off and I was ignored by medical professionals and told I wasn't miscarrying because I was not bleeding.
The thought of a 3rd mc in a row is sickening, would put me in that 1% of women who have experienced 3 or more in a row. I just feel sooo mentally overwhelmed and down, can someone please just share some kind words. Those of you who have experienced multiple losses in a row, how did you cope and carry on? I know it's not been confirmed I am miscarrying, but it is too early for a scan to confirm anything right now- 5+2 today- and in my heart I tremble because my body has been through this twice before...
Am I setting myself up for a bigger fall if I dare to hope things could still be ok despite the above and my history, or is it better for my MH if I accept it's probably game over again? I have booked a scan for the 14th Aug when I would be 2 days shy of 7 weeks, assuming that will be better timing to give a yes/no one way or another. How do I survive the next 10 ten days until then? Doubt I'll start bleeding before then even if I am miscarrying- I had to have MVAs with my other two because my body simply refused to start the process of removing the pregnancies 💔.
The support I got on here when I posted about the twin pregnancy touched my heart and I was so grateful ❤️. Please now help me get through this you kind souls out there, I feel I'm breaking 😪.