Giving birth alone

[WeyAyeMan]

Not sure what I'm looking to gain from this thread but I'm just sat here feeling emotional and alone.

My daughter is almost 15 months, she's playing near me with her toys and I'm sat like an emotional wreck. The guilt I feel is overwhelming.

Im 38 weeks 3 days now so will be giving any day now really. I don't feel excited at all. I don't want to do it. Which adds to the guilt.

I have to give birth alone.

I won't go into the reasons why on this post as it might be triggering for some, but there threads from January explaining my situation.

It's been a really rough couple of months let down by the services which were supposed to help me, I have no contact with my family and only two close friends. One is unavailable to be my birthing partner, the other will be looking after my daughter when the time comes.

I've never spent a night away from my daughter, I have so much anxiety about leaving her to go and give birth. And then there's the feelings about giving birth alone. I'm scared, guilt ridden, anxious, angry.

How do I make myself feel better about this so I can focus on labour?

I understand completely, different circumstances but I had to give birth alone during covid. We have an older child and it’s when households couldn’t mix so I had to labour alone.

The midwives where lovely and all rallied round, they really do go above and beyond. I have never left my older child either and I hate the thought. I must say once I was in labour I didn’t think too much about leaving my child as it’s all very consuming. I did get my DH to drop me off at the hospital which I’m assuming your friend can do who is watching DD?

i will also add my second birth was easier mentally and physically. Having done it once before it’s not quite as overwhelming. Make you have a playlist for music you like that you find relaxing and I practiced some hypnobirthing (mainly to learn how to relax)

I'm sorry this is the case. Have you spoken to your midwife team about it. They will be able to help/reassure, I am sure

The other option could be a home birth?

Ah yes I hypnobirthed with my daughter and had a brilliant labour. I think that's why I'm panicking because my mind is not in the same place as it was then if that makes sense. It's like I can't focus.

My midwife is aware thankfully she's been supportive throughout the whole pregnancy but she's on annual leave at the moment

So sorry for the self pitying post, I'm usually not such a person. Im the strong one who puts on a brace face, but My lovely dog died a couple of weeks ago. Todays been a bad day.

I still haven't even packed my hospital bag I just don't want to face this

Im consultant led due to blood pressure problems immediately after my daughter was born so don't think a home birth is an option unfortunately

Are there any doulas available to you via the hospital or charities, or could you pay for one just for the birth?

I’m worried my partner could be away working when I go into labour and considering hiring a doula just so I know I’ll have support. Not sure we can afford it just yet

Can one of your friends come round for a coffee and to give you a hand packing your hospital bag?

I just wanted to reach out as a friendly ear if you wanted someone neutral to offload to. You're welcome to message me if you'd like to chat.

I'm assuming by your username that you're in the North? In which case I'm a fair way from you (SW) but please do reach out if you'd like to chat.

It will be ok OP
I gave birth alone and was glad of it. 2 lovely midwives assisted. It was fine.

is it because you’ve done the first birth differently?

Thank you all for the kindness. Appreciate it.

I think my feelings are because last year bringing my daughter home well it was completely different circumstances, engaged, happily plannning for the future. And this time im alone and will be bringing up two babies alone. It just feels very sad and traumatic.

I haven't started therapy yet as they said it would be too traumatic whilst pregnant but I have a lot to work on.

It's reassuring to hear from others who have done it alone and have positive stories 😊

Yes @Laurakiaora im from north east 🙂

By choice I gave birth alone. In hospital, just me & a midwife. Overnight, 2200 to 0810.
I just wanted to “get on with it” and so I did!

Don’t be scared, upset or afraid. I’m sure the midwives will be brilliant.

This is a great time to recognise how strong you can be. You can do this & will come out of it with the most beautiful baby. Get your bag packed & look fwd to that!
Good luck. You can do this Mama.

OP I'm sorry to hear of your circumstances. I accidentally gave birth alone and do you know what? It was brilliant. All I had to do was focus on myself. It was easier in a way. As someone else said, I just felt like I could get on with it. And I totally understand that guilt about leaving your daughter but she will be ok. I promise. Sending best wishes

Bags are almost packed, just waiting for a few things charging up.

Feeling much better today, thank you for the kindness ❤️

I gave birth alone and all was fine. Good luck!

You won't be alone, you will have 2 midwives (usually) at the time of delivery and they are used to supporting people in your position. It's not that uncommon

So I did end up giving birth alone.

I had one midwife who was not the best, she was slow everything I asked her, begged for gas and air and when she finally went to give it to me, there was no mouthpiece. She went to find it and despite me pressing the buzzer while she'd gone to get it, by the time she was back in the room, my daughter was here!

@WeyAyeMan Congratulations on the birth of your new daughter, it sounds like you were a star! I hope the two of you are able to get home ASAP

Congratulations, a new chapter in your life with 2 lovely children who will love you to the moon and back.

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter! How wonderful.

when your settled if you are unhappy about the midwife contact PALS but if you can, let it go and enjoy your time!

going home will be different but not sad, you have a wonderful family and long term can work on expanding your social support network so you have lots of parent friends to help in future x

Congratulations on the birth op. Take care of yourself x

Thank you so much ❤️ x

Congratulations to you and to the new big sister!

Congratulations OP, and well done

@WeyAyeMan I have just read your whole thread from January. I am so so sorry you went/are going through that. It’s made me feel really emotional and I want to give you a hug!! Massive congratulations on the birth of your daughter. At times it will be hard with two little ones but the three of you are a team and you are so incredibly strong, they are very lucky to have you. I hope things are getting better for you xx

Thanks for the congratulations 💗 and @Curlywurly3 for the lovely message.

I'm not going to lie it's not easy, but I'm in a much better place than I was back in January. I still get emotional about it every now and again but I just remind myself I'm the lucky one when I'm sat there, emotional, sleep deprived in the middle of the night. Im the lucky one with my girls in my arms.

Tough times really prove how strong you can be, and it's all for your kids x