When did you share your pregnancy news?

[MadCatsAndKittens]

I've got a couple of friends who have recently shared their pregnancy news at about 1-2 weeks pregnant. It's exciting but it makes me feel a bit anxious for them. I know everyone's different but having been through two traumatic pregnancies and births with all sorts of problems, I was very cautious about telling people. But that aside, surely it's best to wait until an initial scan first before telling people?

Surely it’s personal choice? I’ve had 5 pregnancies, 3 end in miscarriage and I can tell you that people not knowing about the pregnancies only meant I suffered alone and in silence. When I shared my news I was able to get the love and support I needed.

I’m very open about my losses, as people should be to get rid of the stigma of pregnancy loss.

I’ve got friends who shared the news with me when they were 4 weeks pregnant and then friends who were nearer 20 weeks when they shared…each to their own I say!

You cannot know you're pregnant at 1-2 weeks so this doesn't make sense.

They’ve probably told you so early so that you’ll be part of their support system if it doesn’t work out.

We told a few close people at 4 weeks and when it turned out to be a chemical a week later I was really glad we did as they’ve been invaluable support at a shitty time.

I can’t imagine suffering alone in secret would make a loss any easier.

As late as physically possible!

It's such a huge weight to place on people if you tell them early on and expect them to "be there" for you if the bundle of cells doesn't make it.

DD was a lockdown pregnancy so we didn't tell a lot of people until she was born. We told our parents and close friends at 15 weeks when we got the results of the quad test.

With DS (currently pregnant) I am huge already at 15 weeks, so we told our parents after the NIPT test at 13 weeks as I couldn't hide it anymore.

We're not telling anyone the sex apart from our parents, as it feels like too much information. In our culture/religion we place some sway with the "evil eye" (even though we're rational atheists on paper! Some things are hard to shake off) so we don't want to jinx it.

With our parents…. The plan was originally to wait, but we couldn’t do it and decided that actually of something went wrong we’d want their support, so ended up telling them about a week after we found out (so around 5 weeks). Siblings were told a bit after that.
Everyone else was told once we had the all clear from the 12 week scan, so about 14 weeks (although I had to tell my work earlier because of sickness).

We told no-one til after the 12 week scan. But I’ve known someone announce it the day after their period was due. Each to their own.

Each to their own, very personal choice. Depends so much on past experiences, if you've had early positive scans etc.

On the theme of announcements, considering fertility privilege is really important. Listen to Best Friend Therapy with Elizabeth Day on fertility. So so important.

That's what one of my friends has just done. 2 days after her period was due, announced a positive test. Is it just nativity?

Naivety not nativity

Fertility Privilege?
is that just a way of saying “try to be considerate”

I told some close family in the early days, friends after 12 week scan and work after 20 week scan.

It's a personal choice there's no right or wrong. If it's close friends I would have no problem telling them as they could be there should a miscarriage occur.

Sometimes it's just easier. I have been TTC for years and had a miscarriage earlier in the year. I am pregnant now and have told people this time around very early on. Telling people doesn't curse your pregnancy and there should be no shame in it. Why do you think they shouldn't tell people? Is it because of making people feel awkward if something bad happens?

I'm almost 7 weeks and we've told my parents, and I've told work. I only told work due to being more and more short staffed recently and not wanting too much pressure being placed on me. I didn't really want to tell them but I felt I had to. Will tell my daughter and everyone else after the 12 week scan.

I think after experiencing a loss you realise it really doesn't matter and waiting till 12 weeks is all superstition. Me and a friend both got pregnant at same time she announced as soon as found out missed period and went on to have healthy pregnancy. I kept mine a secret until 12 weeks only to have a miscarriage and then tell everyone anyway as I needed the support. I think it's quite an old fashioned thing as if losing a baby would be shameful or a secret xxx

Me and my sister told each other before we had taken the test, last time she rang me while she was waiting for it to change.
Close family and friends we told at 12 weeks, didn't tell many people though.

Maybe it's to do with how you would personally handle a loss or something else going wrong. I don't think it's shame or a secret. For me, I couldn't handle other people's assumptions that everything would be OK. I kind of wanted to put up a defense around me in case it did all go wrong so I didn't want to get caught up in other people's excitement.
Worst second time around as I'd been through so much trauma with my first child and after that I feel the fragility of pregnancy and birth more than some other people might. I guess I need to remind myself of that.

Waited until 21 weeks this time. Turns out many already knew/had guessed by the time we told them though.

Its a personal choice though. For some, they want the support no matter what the outcome, so they tell sooner. I prefer to get the 20 week scan out of the way first:

@MadCatsAndKittens I don't think everyone does assume it will go well but they are hardly going to turn around and say congratulations, hopefully you don't miscarry. Everyone understands but people are positive to be supportive, and for people that struggle to get pregnant, being pregnant in itself it's a major milestone.

It depends on the personality of the person.

I have always wanted to wait until after the first trimester. But then if anything happened (and it did once 😔) I only want the comfort of my DH and no one else. I don't like the attention and everyone on top of me.....

With our first my father in law told everyone he possibly could without asking us, I then went on to miscarry. He wasnt so quick to tell everyone about that and I had people I knew congratulate me, with me then having to tell them I was no longer pregnant. Was awkward and upsetting. So pregnancies from then on we kept to ourselves and told only people we trusted until we were ready.

1st pregnancy we didn't tell anyone and I miscarried. That conversation was horrific with friends/close family.
2nd pregnancy we told parents only. That sadly ended in a mmc but I was thankful for the support.
3rd pregnancy we told parents and close friends. We announced to wider family after 14 weeks when all scans/bloods came back fine.

Totally a personal choice but for me the support network trumped tradition!

We told parents & siblings at 5 weeks, then my boss a few days after as I was struggling with nausea so it meant I could WFH more without worrying. Each week we’ve told someone else (but only close friends) - we are just telling those that if the worst happen, we’d appreciate their support anyway! Will tell everyone else after 12 week scan. I think it’s just personal choice really 😄

Agree. I think it's classier to wait as many months as possible.

@choppedtomatoes that's horrible that he did that, sorry you had to go through that on top of everything else