Visitors after baby is born

[Abbiewilliams96]

When do you have visitors after you baby was born? Im due baby no2 in 4 weeks. When my first was born we had stay in for the night so the next day my partner came into to see us. After that everyone turned up at the same time. My mother in law, father in law, sister in law, great aunty, my mother, my Nan, my aunty and uncle, my dad and a cousin, my grandad. 12 of them turned up at the same time and it caused arguments between both families, the midwife had to come over and say there’s to many of you here. The first day we were home my Nan was knocking out door early in the morning we were still asleep. I felt like we had no space at all. Just wondering when others had visitors x

You need boundaries - perhaps let 1 from each side of the family over per day, or every other day, so you'd get two lots of visitors (split them!)
Tell them to bring things for your family like food too lol 😆

We had to stay in hospital for a week after I had my DD and everyone kept coming to the hospital in groups and it was was too much.
So we told everyone once we left we were having no visitors for 7 days and they could come tot he house if they wanted but we wouldn't answer the door.
And it was the best thing we did even though some people were pissy they soon got over it and then 7 days of just us was just perfect.
Set those boundaries now for sure x

Omg, boundaries!! I came home in the evening and didn't tell anybody. The next day my parents called for twenty minutes in the afternoon (after the nurse had been here), my brother came to the window for ten minutes (Covid), my husband's parents came that evening for half an hour, that was it. My other brother came a few days later to the window for ten/twenty minutes. No other visitors - will definitely be doing the same next time!

I'd definitely get messages out to your extended family now, before baby is due, to say you'll be limiting the number of visitors per day, and if anyone wants to visit they must message you or your DP first to arrange. I'd go so far as to say you won't be answering the door unless the visit has been pre-arranged.

Those first days should be for you, your partner and your DC1 to bond with the baby, not being passed around like a parcel between relatives. Aunts/uncles/cousins can wait too, until you're ready.

They can wait for as long as you want/need them to, there are no visiting rights.

Not helpful perhaps but I always find people complaining about too many visitors a bit insensitive - consider many of us would like to have that problem. Nobody is going to visit when this baby is born - DH and I both only children, friends far away, my parents not interested / not on speaking terms with anyone in the family and in-laws passed away in a car crash years ago.

I was far too nice about it last time, I had a section and I did try to set some boundaries by saying I’d need a few days to recover myself first but we were pestered by his dad and partner so eventually had to given in on like the second day. My parents popped in for literally 20 minutes, brought stuff for me and left again. His family stayed for 3 and a half hours! They barely ever visit normally either, maybe a few visits per year max but they ended up coming back and visiting for hours again a few days later. It was as if they completely forgot I even existed or that I’d been through a huge operation. I didn’t get to hold my baby and he was repeatedly passed back and forwards vigorously rocked up and down. By the second visit I was getting so uneasy as well as obviously being shattered and just so desperately wanting to take baby back upstairs for a sleep. I really wish I’d just said something and taken him, I don’t know why I didn’t. I got myself so worked up about it all then when they eventually left I went on and on about it to my husband so he would say something before it happened again and he obviously wasn’t the one in physical pain but agreed it was too much. Next time I’m just not putting myself through it. I’m going to literally get him to say it’s one 30 minute visit a few days in and then we need time to recover. It’s not all about them and the photo for them to post on Facebook. In my child’s first year they saw him less than ten times in total, at one point 2 months had gone by without them seeing him 🤦🏼‍♀️ It’s just a novelty! So I’d look after myself and baby next time and not let myself get into that situation. Say you need the first week and you’ll be in touch when you’re ready for short visits

Your body, your baby, your house, your rules. Keep the drawbridge firmly closed until you're good and ready.

I'm not planning on having visitors for at least a fortnight, my own parents included, maybe more. Your baby does not owe these people anything and needs time to adjust to the world and settle into your family and your routine. You need time to heal, establish BF (if you want to) and bond as a family.

Your family are not entitled to overstep that for any reason. Baby is not a game of pass the parcel and family are rarely coming to visit to see you/clean your house/bring you food but rather to gawp at your new arrival.

I haven't had this conversation with our families yet (due October) but I am DREADING it. Rather selfishly I would quite happily have my mum over for hours, but anyone else I'm sort of trying to keep at a distance. Did anyone ever have any fallout from the boundaries they set? I just really don't want our baby passed around like a pass the parcel when my body is still raw.

Baby due October and I am also dreading it! Our families don't live nearby and we live in an expensive city so I am also worried about the expectation that they stay, which would not be relaxing at all since we will have to get up in the middle of the night with baby and I don't want prying eyes and being watched over.. They keep saying they will be there to help but I just don't think it will be very relaxing when we are trying to get into a routine.
I would be happy with my parents and DH parents popping in to meet the baby when we are home but not being with us for an extended time overnight.

I had visitors in hospital and from the day we got home but we were happy with that. You have to decide what you want. At least with the covid rules atm there is only 1 or 2 visitors allowed while you are in hospital. Just tell people they can't turn up they need to text and arrange a day then you can spread them out

With DD we had my mum and DH's parents come to visit at the hospital the day she was born (I think I slept the whole time as I'd been up for 3 days), we stayed in for a night then had a couple of days at home before everyone else started to visit.
Imo people should wait to be invited, I'd never dream of just turning up to see the baby even close family members.

@Babyenroute then make it clear now that there will be no overnight visitors. You have to manage their expectations early on.

With my baby I only had my parents and my dh parents for the first week. The following weekend I introduced her to my brothers and my sil. After then it was still a few more weeks before I introduced her to family and friends. Take it at your own pace. Please don’t feel rushed into anything. Enjoy your baby bubble and adjusting to your family of 4. If anyone says anything then just say you will contact them when you’re ready. We had a friend who turned up uninvited and knocked on the door. My dh went out and said we were resting and he would phone him at another point.

Hell no to that kind of nonsense. My friends and family have said they can't wait to meet him but will wait for us to say we're ready. I get the excitement but bloody hell have some consideration.

With my first I felt totally overwhelmed by the amount of visitors but as a new mum I didn’t realise what it was going to be like, I remember wanting them all to leave so I could breastfeed her in peace. I was in hospital for a week and it felt like everyone was coming to the hospital to meet her, not just family either just like random friends too and I had a catheter in and looked absolutely terrible as the birth was so long and traumatic. I even remember coming out of theatre after my emergency section and my mil was waiting at the door with a balloon to see her it was all completely too much. Then they all came round again when I got home and it just felt like a conveyor belt of visitors and like we had a revolving door over weeks.

With my second I decided I only wanted family at the hospital but they all rushed at the same time the first night to see us which annoyed me as I was still recovering and we hadn’t had time to enjoy him ourselves yet. Then over the next week we had visitors daily which seemed to go on for weeks.

With my 3rd I learnt better from the previous 2 and decided I only wanted my kids and my sister to visit in the hospital and everyone else was to wait till we got home and when it suited us. I felt much more relaxed this time.

Im due my 4th and final baby in December and I don’t want any visitors in hospital this time except the kids. I want a couple of days at home just us to enjoy the new baby too then I will allow closest family to visit after that and they can all bring food/ shopping or take out the kids for a bit whilst they’re here 🤣

Setting boundaries is the way forward, it’s a special time you should enjoy and be relaxed and constant visitors isn’t helpful. I’ve also found people are desperate to meet a new baby but the novelty soon wears off, we struggle to get anyone to help us with childcare when we’re working/ kids are off school/nursery and we never have any time to ourselves so I just think why should I put myself out for them to come round when it suits them.

My first pregnancy I'd separated from child's father, domestic abuse situation. Stupidly had him present for birth that was due to be induction but turned to emergency csection. His parents (well mother) wanted to be waiting at the hospital to see child immediately after birth, about the only time ex actually agreed with me not to allow this though more likely out of hatred for her than anything. We stayed Fri to Sun, his parents came Sunday and commented how rough I looked, cheers. I'd had virtually no sleep as baby struggling with feeding and didn't like being put down.

Colleagues also requesting to visit at hospital and when I said no got peed off. I didn't want a rush of visitors because I was drained in every way you can be. Plus dealing with the ending of the relationship, coming to terms with how my ex treated me and dealing with that, plus a newborn. I ended up with depression but in a far better place now.

Boundaries are needed, for your sanity. People need to respect them. It's nothing to do with being mean, sometimes you just need your own bubble for a bit.

I’m booked in for a section next week. We’ve just today invited DH’s family for a bbq on bank holiday weekend and they won’t be visiting before. When DTs were born I was a pushover and spent many exhausted visits passing babies around/ making other people tea.

Thank you all so much for replying, we actually visited my in laws today and got on to the topic of visiting when baby is here. My mother in law has actually said that they won’t be coming to the hospital after last time when so many turned up and will visit us at home when we’re ready. She said “it’s a special time for the four you”. That was lovely her to think of us and having our time.
I do need to set boundaries with my family, I think most of family will understand. But my mum and nan I think will be the ones with the problem as I know they will want to be there as soon as he’s born. When I had my first son my Nan and mother came to the hospital while I was in labour. They never give us any privacy or family time. My mum comes to my house every day of the week now at 3:30 and expects me to be in and if I’m not she calls me to see where I am and gets funny if she doesn’t get so see my son 5 days of the week. My Nan is the same. She comes up on a Sunday too. The only time we get to have our little family time is on a Saturday for the one day we don’t see her. So I definitely know she’s going to be annoyed when I tell her that we want a day or two with our new baby.

There’s no right or wrong. Just what you feel comfortable with. If people are making you feel anxious or comfortable then ask them not to come until later, and in small groups. I loved having people there, but appreciate it’s not the same for everyone. My parents live a long way away and I wanted them to be able to come as I knew my mum felt upset about not being able to be there at the time. But, it’s not for everyone, so just work out what you’re comfortable with and text them. Good luck with your new baby!

My DH was the only visitor allowed when I was in hospital due to covid restrictions. When we got home, for that first week it was just my parents, my MIL, my sisters and my SIL who visited, all of whom were offering practical help with housework, cooking, helping with the baby etc
Other family members and friends waited until after DD was a couple of weeks old and none of them stayed too long.

I had a baby in lockdown and it was honestly heaven. The thought of having visitors in those first few days sounds unbearable. If I ever have another, I’ll be holding off as long as possible.

Your mother in law sounds great. That must be a rare sentence on Mumsnet 😂 Do you have any relatives, a sibling perhaps, who can have a word with your mum and nan? But otherwise you will need to put your foot down, if it upsets them it's kind of tough as it's you and your baby's wellbeing you need to put first.

Jesus, too much

My daughter upon birth of my first grandchild said at the very earliest after being discharged from hospital. She was in for days but that as here request. I meet my grandchild when she told me could.

You just need to be firm, they may not like it but it's your house, your child, your rules. If they don't like it then don't come