Just found out mum won’t travel down to meet her grandson

[Samthenanny]

so I live in London have done for years, family is up Liverpool so not the other side of the world. Mum hasn’t been down in 5 years, it’s always me that has to travel to see them.
my sister comes down with her children, anyway i always thought my mum would make the effort to come down once her grandson is born to meet him but she’s said she doesn’t want to come alone via train will only come with sister and if that doesn’t happen she’s expecting me to go up with a newborn 🙄 apparently I can jump on the train with just a suitcase no need to drive as she has a travel cot, pram etc!
to say I’m shocked and massively pissed off is a understatement.
mom die beginning of oct and wouldn’t dream of heading up until Xmas time so they potentially wouldn’t meet him till he’s about 2.5 months old or older if he comes early.
anyone else been in this position with family expecting you to take the baby to them all to meet??
and sorry for the moan

How old is your mum? Does she have mobility or health problems?

She’s only 58 and has no health issues at all or metal health problems. She’s absolutely very capable

I'd just shrug and not go. If she wants to see her grandson she can make the effort.

I wouldn’t go either. At the end of the day she is the one missing out.

I wouldn't go either.

She can't expect you and a new baby to travel on public transport to visit her. If she desperately wants to see her new grandchild she will make the journey

London can be pretty daunting tbh

Sadly this is true. :(

58!!!

She's going to miss out on a lot with this attitude. Stay home and rest up with your baby.

Sorry just reread my message,
‘mom die beginning of oct’ should say ‘I’m due the beginning of oct’

oh I won’t be going up don’t worry, I’ll head up in my own time, I’m just very shocked as I thought she’d make the effort.

@chilledbubble totally get that but I’m not London london I’m on the Kent border, it’s one direct train to london then another direct train less than 25mins to my house

Sod that, then she'll have to wait and she'll miss out. This would be a great AIBU thread!!!! 😜

I wouldn't even go up at Christmas if she shows such little interest.

We are in the same shoes, expect it’s my partners entire family.
3.5 years in and they haven’t visited, but it hasn’t surprised us as they didn’t visit once in the 3 years we lived away before he was born.
At least your mum is honest about it.

@hotmess19 shes not told me directly, she’s told my sister.
I just don’t understand it, my DH will end up saying something I think as his mum wanted nothing more than to be grandma but sadly passed away 2 years ago.

families hey

Is it possible that your mum has anxiety issues, or does she have form for being selfish?

She's not interested in your child, return that energy. Why would you waste your kids first Xmas traveling to someone who isn't arsed?
Family is what we choose for ourselves.

She's 58, not 88!

I'm 57, don't live in the UK, and think London is a very easy city to get around in. It's not exactly outer Mongolia.

Op - I think you're right not to head up until you had already planned to. You will have enough on your plate with a newborn.

@Samthenanny in that case I’d at least be pleased she’s told someone and you heard about it. That way you’re not going to get hurt by them.
Your DH doesn’t have much to say about it tbh. In my relationship it’s the other way around and my family visited loads and we moved to be closer to them when our son was nearly 2. But as it’s my DH’s family all I can do is offer him moral support when they let him down again (or when they were mad we weren’t moving to Merseyside to be closer to them when they’d never made the effort)

Same as some of my in-laws. One of them came when baby was 5 months old only due to a family event, so not even just to meet their new grandchild 🤦

We are about 3 hours from in-laws. All are retired. They drive nice, new cars. They travel to holidays around the UK. They still couldn't be bothered to come visit their new GC when born so now we only visit if we have to (e.g. large family event) instead of visiting in almost all school holidays. Their loss 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't get het up about it now tbh

It's up to her isn't it? Just as it's up to you if you go and visit her or not. No need to be shocked and massively pissed off about it. Go if you want to. Don't if you don't. She gets the same choice.

@Samthenanny I do want to say I’m sorry you’re going through this because it’s hard.

Personally I would use her lack of interest to plan a Christmas at home with dh and dc....
Some people never admit the road does go both ways.
Once you start travelling with your dc to her she will make that The Norm. Stuff that imo op!!

This is much the situation here.

Of my H’s family only his mum and dad have ever met our toddler. He’ll be 2 soon.

Their loss frankly.

Absolutely don’t make it the norm that you always go to her. It’ll stay that way.

If she’s motivated to see her tiny, newborn grandchild, she knows where the train station is. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I also wouldn’t go at Christmas , let her stew , if she can’t be bothered why should you .

Is she menopausal? It's more widely talked about now but I was taken by surprise at how suddenly and viciously irrational anxiety struck me when I started my menopause.

And I don't think I even noticed at first what was happening - the hot flushes and mood swings got me first, then about 3 months in I realised that I'd started to avoid things that previously had been perfectly normal for me.