2 year age gap, how do people do it?

[Dilemmaemmaaa]

I have a little boy who is almost 1 and I had been thinking before he was born that we’d have an age gap of 2 or 2.5 years. It’s only now that I’ve got my life and body back slightly that I’m realising how soon that involves being pregnant again (and you’re pregnant for sooo long) 🤯 I know a lot of people with a 2 year age gap or less and just can’t get my head round how you can sign yourself up for it again so soon. Will my view change on that when he’s 18 months and out of the ‘baby’ stage maybe? I so want two without a big gap but just don’t want the worry and general struggles that come with being pregnant again 🙈

My boys have a 19 month gap. What do you want to know?

I had the same thought, couldn't imagine getting pregnant again so quickly so we went for a 4 year age gap.

Remember for the next one its jist just the effects of pregnancy you have to deal with but also having another baby/toddler to look after

@Lazypuppy I know, the first few months would be hard going, especially when he wouldn’t be at nursery yet!

@Louise0701 wow that’s close! Did it feel like it went in quicker second time or were both pregnancies the same?

@Dilemmaemmaaa it was quite quick really but then all my pregnancies have gone quickly (I have 3)

I really enjoy the gap and they love playing together. It’s so nice watching them grow up and learn new things together. DD is 4 years older than DS1 and both gaps are fine. All the children are close.

FWIW, the first few months were easier than when the baby was mobile.
The first 5 months were just feeding & sleeping mainly so I had lots of time with DS1.
Once DS2 hit 5 months and started crawling I had to have eyes in the back of my head.

I had a big gap between ds1 and ds2 (6 years) and then 15 months between ds2 and dd. Honestly for me the 16 month gap was easier to handle because you are already in the trenches with the baby and toddler stages. Still using nappies and bottles etc still getting night wakes.

It was a shock to the system going back to all that after a few years off. Plus no found that with 15 month gap ds2 just adapted and didn’t know life any different where as ds1 struggled more in having to share me and my time / the restraints having a baby put on life

I had a phenomenally easy pregnancy. No problems; no nausea, no tiredness, no sickness… I’d be happy to do the pregnancy bit again! Birth, not so much.

I find the increase in kids harder than the actual age gap….we have 3 and another 1 on the way….theres a 4 year gap between child1 and 2 and a 22 month gap between 2 and 3 and there will be a 3 year gap between 3 and 4. When the age gap is close together they play well together and you can find activities to suit them easy…but they also fight and you get less time to yourself because someone always needs something….when the gap is bigger the older one isn’t as much of a handful so usually requires less of your attention but it’s harder to find activities they all like and you sometimes feel guilty the older one or the younger one is left out. I’ve found having 3 harder than 2 as u can’t spread yourself as easily….god know what it’ll be like with 4 but I’m not anticipating I won’t notice like other people have said 👀

Our 20months gap was a bit of an accident to be honest, but you manage and my pregnancy second time round was quite easy, dd1 slept through by 1 year and was still small enough to still be picked up even when I had a big bump. It feels like dd2 was always around, so avoided any jealousy, used nursery for some of the time for dd1 so I could have time with baby, and now they play together really nicely and are very close now at 4 and 6.

There's 18m between DD1 and DD2, the first year is HARD but my girls absolutely adore each other. DD1 doesn't remember a time without DD2 so there's less jealousy etc I'm pregnant with DS1 now and due 3 days before DD1 turns 4. The 2.5yr age gap between DD2 and DS1 feels huge compared, pros are she's more physically independent, but she's also a lockdown koala baby when she wants to be and is going to find sharing me with a baby hard. I can't compare it to bigger age gaps but I don't regret It for a second x

In some ways it's easier, as you are all set up for it. No expectations of being able to pop out with just a handbag!
Almost exactly 2 years between mine. The second year on maternity was much easier than working with a none sleeping toddler.
It also saved a very expensive year of nursery fees, but gave serious cash flow issues the year they went back before DS1 started school!

@Narcheska yes I think that’s definitely true, it wouldn’t be like this great big life change to them when they’re small and adapt so quickly compared with being 4 or 5! I’ve been a bit spoiled this time with how ridiculously well he sleeps, I’ve literally never been up during the night since he was tiny and he’s so easy going, there’s no way I’d get a second like that 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

@KarrotKake yes that must be true, you’re already taking a changing bag, buggy, spare outfits etc so it’s nothing extra, just double it! I really would love the almost exactly 2 year gap but it’s just the being pregnant again part that’s putting me off and I had a section so worrying about my body having recovered but I think chances are I’m fine

@Loulou1712 oh wow that’s close! My sister and I were only 18 months apart and when I think of that I think my mum must have just recovered then be going through it all again 🙈 but when they’re both toddlers, although hard work, it must be great since they have a friend to play with at all times. I feel like I’ve got it so easy just now that I don’t want to ruin it for myself but it would still be another year away so things could be different by then

I am pregnant with #4. There’s a 20 month gap between 1 & 2 and then #3 was born when #2 was 4. There will be 22 months when #4 is born.

In all honesty, the smaller age gap was hard work, but sooooo much easier now. They have always done everything together, all activities etc, tv programs, toys.

I find the gap between the older 2 and #3 harder work as #3 is so far behind them.

As much as I’m dreading having a small gap again, I know it will be lovely for #3 to have a little friend!

@Jaaxe haha wow that’s a lot 😅 it is nice just now when he has quite a long nap some afternoons and I’m actually able to get stuff done. My mum is really enthusiastic about helping out but doesn’t really take him for very long at a time for me to be able to get anything done. I’ve started a little business from home while being off but keep getting behind with it because I just can’t get a run at anything and my partner works 6 days and til after he’s in bed some nights. I’d definitely need more help for a second 🙈

I knew once dd1 was out of nappies I wouldn't want to go backwards. If I had my time again I'd aim for 21 months. DD1 still napped so I could put them both in the double pushchair and walk in peace. DD1 was also a fairly crap sleeper so we didn't get used to unbroken sleep again.

They're 9 and 7 now and play together, like the same things etc. I do think it's easier in the long run to keep age gaps small.

@Luckystar1 aww that’s nice, that’s definitely a perk when you can take them to do things together. If pregnancy number 2 went okay I think I’d ideally like 3 but would probably have these two then wait a while for the third as I just don’t want the whole baby thing to be ‘over’ 🙈 I’ve heard people saying they want to get it all out the road as soon as possible but I actually love it so much, I think because he’s an easy baby too. No chance I’d get another the same!

I think in many ways it's easier, 18 months between my older two, then a 3 year gap with my third.

Bad bits, I had awful morning sickness so was dealing with an 11 month old whilst constantly feeling sick, but actually this was easier than dealing with a 3 and 4 year old when I had morning sickness with DC3! I also lived in a flat when DC1 and DC2 were born, so had to get a double buggy, an only just walking toddler and baby, up three flights of stairs every time I went in or out.

Good things, you're already used to the sleep deprivation, already going to playgroups etc, already taking a career break. They play together, they're at the same stage so far as entertaining them goes, so planning trips out, what to watch on TV, which toys to buy, far easier than say trying to find something to please both a 3 year old and a 10 year old. This still helps now they're teenagers, cinema trips, holiday plans, all much easier.

It’s brutal, wouldn’t choose to do it again. Although like all things, there are pros and cons.

now I’ve done it I couldn’t imagine starting with a new born when my oldest was say 8/10 etc.

Perhaps the best compromise is about 3-4 years between them - close enough to be good friends and share bigger toys and activities but enough gap to have a break from baby years in between and not doing two lots of nappies / naps etc.

@trilbydoll yeah the nappy thing isn’t actually that bad when you’re in the middle of it but I bet when it’s over and you’re looking back it seems worse so definitely not something you’d want to start all over again 🙈 that sounds like a nice gap! You purely think of the first few years but there’s actually so many years after that that should be way more important to weigh up!

I have 13 months between my 2 and there'll be 15 months between my current youngest and our little surprise!
It's not easy, especially when heavily pregnant, but I honestly wouldn't have done it differently. We've never gotten out of the baby stage, so we've never had the upheaval of going back to it. And they'll all be in school sooner than if we'd had a bigger gap and with them being close in age means that planning any family holidays or days out will be easier with the worry of entertaining an older child as well as managing a much younger child.

My sons are 21 months apart. Very tough with 2 under 2, but now that my you fest is turning 2, things are so much easier. I wanted a close age gap on purpose so they would be more likely to be buddies, and also so I could get all the pregnancy stuff out the way quickly and get my career back on track!

Oh - but financially it is one hell of a hit. At one point we were paying more than £3k a month for full-time nursery for two 🙈 I earn a fairly decent salary but for a while, taking into account my commute, I was literally paying to go to work...

I have 2 years between each of my 3. I was certain I didn't want a larger gap, and was fortunate it worked out. (I was set on a 4th with the same gap but my marriage ended)

For me, it felt like a natural continuation. I started trying to get pregnant soon after stopping b/fing & got pregnant easily, within 2 months each time.

I toilet trained the older DC at 2, just as the new baby came; so I only dealt with one set of nappies at a time. Again, I was lucky - they took to it easily & there was no great stress. I know other children are older - which is also fine.

I never had a double buggy. This was fine for DC1 who was a great walker and used the buggy board; less so for DC2 who was much smaller & got more tired. I had a lot of using a buggy for him while newborn baby was in a sling. Pretty exhausting.

The age gap was always fine; the increase in numbers of children, especially to 3, was really hard, especially with a feckless abusive H who left shortly after.

My younger two (boys) are v close, and do everything together eg the same sports, play together & so on. I think with approx a 2 year age gap you get this, less so when they are older. (But again, it's entirely luck they may also have different personalities).

Even tho things were v hard when they were little, I loved being with 3 small people, it was a happy time in spite of all the other shit I had in my life.