2 year age gap, how do people do it?

[Dilemmaemmaaa]

I have a little boy who is almost 1 and I had been thinking before he was born that we’d have an age gap of 2 or 2.5 years. It’s only now that I’ve got my life and body back slightly that I’m realising how soon that involves being pregnant again (and you’re pregnant for sooo long) 🤯 I know a lot of people with a 2 year age gap or less and just can’t get my head round how you can sign yourself up for it again so soon. Will my view change on that when he’s 18 months and out of the ‘baby’ stage maybe? I so want two without a big gap but just don’t want the worry and general struggles that come with being pregnant again 🙈

Yes, Creche fees were horrendous for me too. I had after school for 1, full time Montessori / creche for the other two.

I would say now it's even harder (teens & preteens) as they all have equivalent expenses of school costs, clothes, shoes, food ... it's really hard!

Intentional 17 month gap between mine. I loved being pregnant so it didn’t bother me.
Love how my kids have similar interests and we can go watch the same film etc

Intentional 19 month gap. I have difficult pregnancies and disliked the baby stage so was determined to get it out of the way! They’re 15 months and nearly 3 now and just starting to play together and it’s lovely. But being 8 months pregnant with an 18 month old SUCKED.

@Mommabear20 13 months, omg hats off to you 😍🙌🏼

@FudgeSundae yeah I feel like being heavily pregnant sucks anyway but I can’t imagine having to run about after a toddler while trying to keep on top of everything else at that point! I think I’ve convinced myself I’d like the gap not too big but based on timings of events we have coming up, his birthday etc ideally there would be either a 2 and a quarter year difference or 2 and 3 quarters 😂 it’s a shame getting pregnant isn’t always that predictable!

@ChickpeaPie aw that’s lovely, to be fair I think it’s one of those things I dreaded but actually had a really easy time, very little pain or discomfort through the whole thing so I don’t know why I’m dreading doing it again so much. I think it’s just because I’m a worrier and was physically fine but mentally on edge the entire 9 months

20 month gap. I blame hormones.

Its really worked for us. Not everyday, but overall. They are best friends.

I found having No.2 a lot easier than No.1. More confidence, in baby mode etc. Then as they got older same stage making days out, holidays etc easier.

Next year they will be at separate schools for the first time in 6.5 years... its great for them having the space, not enjoying the logistics...

@EarringsandLipstick aww sorry to hear that 🤦🏼‍♀️ Hope you’re in a much better place now. 2 years does sound the perfect gap, we have a few big things and holidays etc coming up so I think I’d try and time it for as soon as that’s over to make it 2 years and 2 or 3 months (if I got pregnant quickly)! Would also mean I could do the potty training bit before the new baby arrived and would take away one more job for myself! I don’t know what I’d do about the buggy situation as I see lots of little kids about 2 really quite good at going a bike out a walk. I’ve wondered if he would maybe manage that if I had the pram but I have a big dog, who can be nuts at times when I have the pram and he sees a dog coming so I just envisage trying to manage all of that plus shouting at him to get in on his bike 😅 fine if there are two of us but it is usually just me! I’d maybe get a second hand double buggy or go with the baby carrier and buggy he has now. Almost feel like it’s a easier having him in the pram with the dog though as I can put the break on if need be (very quiet country roads) and deal with the dog knowing he’s safe there, would probably easier just to have the two of them strapped in 🤣

@Aroundtheworldin80moves aww that sounds perfect! I think the confidence thing would make a huge difference, I literally didn’t know how to do anything first time round and he was even more clueless than me! During the night if I was meant to be getting a sleep he’d wake me up for every tiny thing like changing a nappy because he couldn’t manage it himself 🤣 that wouldn’t be the case second time round so I feel like it would be way less of a big thing and we wouldn’t go overboard doing a whole room etc the same way we did with our little boy. The baby would be in with us then move into their room later so it wouldn’t be such a big deal! Plus the fact if it’s the same again you have all the clothes and if not, you have the basics in white anyway 😂

@surreygirl1987 yeah the money side of it isn’t great 🤦🏼‍♀️ I’ve also gone part time so by the time I was going off again I’d need to either try and go back full time to get the same maternity pay or just accept that I’m not going to get much at all 🙄 I’m hoping the child care situation won’t be too much of an issue since my parents watch him at the moment the days I work, the cost of it is frightening!

I had DS then 2.5 years later I had twins. I was really hard work having 3 under 3 and all in nappies at the same time (tried to potty train DS before DTs came but he wasn't ready). I feel like the younger years were a complete slog but they are all at secondary school now and are really close. And I have friends I made through DS starting school who still have to do school runs years after me because they had a bigger age gap

I know a woman with three kids, nine/ten months between each of them. 😱

She blames the hormones as to why she felt a desire to dive straight back on the horse immediately after birth. I cannot even imagine it. I also cannot believe she was immediately super fertile. 😰

They’re in school now. The first two are in the same year. Which takes some explaining.

20 month gap here but I never felt like I could grumble as there is only 11 months between my siblings, so my mother must have had an awful time! It's hard having them close but worth it when they are great company for each other. Holidays are easy as they want to do the same things. TV/films and board games are easier too. I found I could justify buying slightly nicer clothes as they were passed on straight away. They quickly became the same size so they pool money to buy clothes they want now and share. There's a lot of ups but I agree if you had a hard pregnancy it may be better to wait a little and let your body recover. My GP, midwife and consultant weren't happy with me getting pregnant again 10 months after but it wasn't planned. Maybe speak to your GP? Good luck whatever your decision.

sits quietly with an 11 month age gap 😳

Ugh no idea why that turned bold

I think on reflection having a double buggy is a good idea! (I used to get some very fixed ideas in me head, not quite sure why!)

Best of luck!

We were so in baby mode anyway that the bang on two year gap made complete sense, plus I wanted pregnancy to be a thing of the past for me ASAP. The buggy logistics are a pain in the arse though, but you just take it all in your stride and get through it.

I have a 2.5 year age gap and it works generally well. If anything, now they are older primary age I would prefer if the gap was a bit less (due to where their birthdays fall, they are actually three school years apart). They are close enough in age to play but not so close that it was awful when they were born. If you need childcare,the eldest is usually entitled to some funding by the time the youngest needs it.

By two and a half my eldest could amuse herself for a bit and I made sure to toilet train her before the baby was born so I didn't have two in nappies. She was a good age to be interested in the baby but not jealous. It's also a good age gap as they get older for organising holidays, days out etc as they aren't too far apart as to have very different interests.

The only thing I didn't like was that DD decided to drop her nap when I was about 7 months pregnant and really needed a break during the day 😭.

I hear ya! Watching this thread with interest!

I have a 15 month old - definitely want another but I’m just feeling like I’ve got my life back a bit, husband and I have and 4 nights away at a festival just last week (first time we got away by ourselves and felt ready to leave her) I’m starting to get back into the swing of things at work. Im getting out and about with friends again etc

we also have a few trips coming up end of the year and early next year (big one rearranged after it got cancelled in April 2020)

i really am not sure I can handle being pregnant again right now 🙈 it’s a lot and I didn’t enjoy being pregnant last time - but at least I could sleep whenever I wanted and relax - it will be so much harder with a toddler!

Took four years to get pregnant first time so decided to try as soon we could second time & it happened straight away. So it's 19 months between them. DD slept through from few weeks old so I think that helped.

OP don’t forget that a close age gap isn’t advised when you’ve had a c section due due the risk of the scar opening up in the next pregnancy

@ChickpeaPie yeah I’m really conscious of that but I think 18 months between pregnancies is okay from what I’ve seen? I have friends who have a 15 month gap between births and one who was only 13 months, both sections 😳 I was a nervous wreck just with one so not sure I could have managed that

We had a 3 1/2 year age gap because ds1 was a horrendous sleeper and I just couldn't face the prospect any sooner! If I'd had ds2 first I probably would have had a smaller gap as he was a much more placid baby.
My sister had 3 within 4 years and she says it's all a bit of a blur really but she was in the thick of it (nappies, sleepless nights etc) all in one go and then it was done!

we have a 23 month gap (we were aiming for 2.5 years ish and it happened on the first go). It’s fine. Lovely, in fact. It’s pretty hard work at the beginning, and I wish I had known that my older child is autistic because I would probably have approached his preschool years differently in general, but they are 6&8 now, share the same interests. I can hear them cackling away in the other room right now. They are playing Lego Star Wars on the switch, and have spent some of the day making stop animation films.