Pregnant at 34 - baby number 4 - big age gap. Help!

[PeonyPops]

Hi, first time I have ever posted on here.
I found out yesterday I am pregnant. Only very early. But it is a shock.
I have three kids, 13, 11 and 6. I was on the pill. All I’m guessing is a bout of sickness bug has made it not as effective.

I just am not sure how the hell to process this whole thing. I thought I was done with babies years ago.

Abortion is not an option for me, although of course I think every woman should have the right to choose.

I must only be 3/4 weeks but I am petrified.

I am now over weight, which I have never been with any of my other pregnancies. I am feeling OLD, I am just in total shock and not sure how to process the whole situation.

Anyone here having babies in their thirties? Anyone got teenagers and going back to nappies?

I would love someone to talk to. 😔

Hi 👋
I'm 37 and nearly 20wks with surprise baby 4. Our older ones are 18, 15 and 10 so big age gap. I still feel overwhelmed and unprepared at times. Pregnancy when older is definitely harder, that or I've forgotten what it was like 😂

Hey :)
How are you feeling about the age gap situation if you don’t mind me asking? How do your kids feel?
I am so worried about being older. I don’t even remember worrying at all with the others, about any bloody thing. I’m such a chill person but this has knocked out out. Only tested because my boobs are horrendous. I’m not even due on my period until Wednesday. 😩

I’m 38 and 13 weeks with my third. My girls are 10 and 12. This one was planned though. The girls are very excited. I think the new addition will be great for us. I am worried about tiredness though!

You aren’t old! In my circle you’re the age when people start having babies. The average age to have a baby overall now is 30 - 29 for a first baby and 33 for a 4th. So no need to worry about your age, you’re perfectly normal there

I'm 33.
13 Yr old son, 10 month old whoopsie 🤣
Honestly, it's been a breeze. Older dc can look after himself for the most part, is an expert at bottles, nappies & bedtimes. It's like having an extra parent!

Hi! Congratulations!
I'm about to turn 38 and I'm 21 weeks with our surprise #5! Huge, huge surprise. I was actually undergoing treatments/investigations for early menopause 😄
Our older kids will be 17, 15, 12 & 9 when this one is born.
I also had immediate symptoms, and I feel much older/sorer this time 'round.

My kids are taking it all in their stride. Sometimes excited or curious. I don't think it feels real to them yet. The older 2 especially are busy with their own lives. My 12 year old adores babies. I think they'll be great, it will just become normal to them.

If you're overweight you may need a higher dose folate. I was surprised by that this time, best to see your doctor asap. Look after yourself!

Hello,Congratulations! I'm 33 pregnant wife baby number 4 already got a 10,8,4 year old I'm 13 weeks at the moment and thought I'd be getting my last little one off to school in Sept and that was me done but no here I am. It was a bit of a oh no moment when found out but have had weeks to get my head around it and now I'm quite looking forwards to our new arrival.
Everything will adjust and workout! 😃

Wow thanks so much for the responses ladies. I just feel so weird about the whole thing. Panicky. The thought of telling my mum makes me cringe and we're really close and she would be thrilled probably.

Having a baby these days seems much easier than when I had my eldest though. Prep machines, cheap nappies - I remember buying pampers purple for her they were £11 a pop!
Doona car seats. Seems this will be a whole new experience for me.

The thought of sleepless nights makes me want to jump of a building cry. But we move 🤣🤣

My mum had me and my sibling in her thirties and she is fine but do what you are comfortable with! <3

🤣🤣🤣 34 isn't old to have a baby. In my circle we didn't start having babies until at least 30 (increasing to 34 with london based). I was pregnant with my first at 34 though granted I wasn't overweight and had a very boring healthy pregnancy and baby.

As to age gaps - there is a 9 year gap between me and my younger brother. Yes we liked different things but we are still close as adults. Good luck with whatever you decide.

32 and pregnant with number 4 aswell also not planned! Mine aren’t as old as yours though so not quite starting again but just got my youngest out of nappies and was looking forward to getting the free nursery hours and not having to pay childcare again! Mine are 9, 4 and 2.5 and a handful so I’m a little apprehensive to be adding another newborn to that! Agree that pregnancies certainly get harder the older you are but don’t worry you aren’t alone! Plenty of people have babies in their 30s and even 40s with big age gaps between kids!

You are feeling old at 34 OP? Maybe get new friends. I am 35 and everyone I know my age is having babies this year. In fact several 40-year-old friends had their first babies this year! I am 33 weeks with my second (Had my first at 31) and get lots of comments on how young I am to be pregnant. I am also definitely fitter and feel better than 4 years ago. Maybe it's because my circle is mostly academic types and so people take longer to land stable jobs but this post just sounds so odd to me?

Lol. Currently waiting to go in for induction with surprise number four tomorrow 🤞 I'll be 40 on Monday. Got a 16, 14 and 6 year old in varying degrees of excitement/disinterest.

Yes, it's harder - and my 6 year old was a tougher pregnancy too. But feeling more confident in my parenting than I ever did with my two eldest, and being more financially secure... it's all swings and roundabouts!

Congratulations!!

Hi. I never post on Mumsnet, but lurk a lot. Your post made me want to comment.

I am recently turned 38 (found out I'm pregnant a week before my birthday) and am 9 weeks pregnant with my second child (third pregnancy after an expected ectopic last year). My daughter is nine and will be 10 by the time baby is here.

I am EXHAUSTED. I've never been more tired in my life. I don't know how people do this when they have toddlers. My first pregnancy was pretty textbook and apart from morning sickness I really enjoyed it but it seems ten years makes a huge difference in terms of energy. I am already finding work difficult (I work in a nursery) due to the constant exhaustion and being on my feet all day.

I am worried about the increased risks this time around due to my age (plus I'm a couple sizes bigger than when I had my daughter) and am a lot more anxious, though I think a lot of that is due to my miscarriage last year.

Congratulations to you and all the other 'older' mums here. It's nice to know there are others in a similar boat :)

Hi, I’m 36 and have a 4 month old. My other children are 18, 8 and 6! So your not alone! I really thought I would be a grandmother next rather than a mother again! It will be fine. I will say that I was a lot more exhausted in the last pregnancy than the others but over all I think I was a lot more chilled by being that much older. Good luck. I’m sure everything will work out for you. X

I had my first baby at 33 and having my second at 36. I don't feel too old - though I do think part of that is because I didnt have kids before and raising kids is stressful! You'll have the benefit of having older kids around who can help you out and who understand- unlike me who has a toddler wanting my attention all the time, wanting to be picked up, not being able to nap like I could first pregnancy etc... all the stuff you'll have experienced with your older kids being closer in age. This time they'll be able to let you sleep when pregnant and needing a nap, help around the house etc so pregnancy should be easier and similarly early post birth youll have those extra hands. I think it might surprise you so try to see it as a positive xx

I wouldn't worry about increased risks or the ten year gap. Every medical professional I've spoken to when I've said about being old and risks at 36 has suggested I'm still young and that studies /ideas etc re geriatric parents being my sort of age are outdated. Having had no kids before my first at 33 and being fit and healthy (albeit overweight though BMI just under any trigger point for extra monitoring) they have had no concerns. My pregnancies have both been pretty textbook with no morning sickness or issues bar this second one I have had pelvic pain but was told thats because I've had a baby before and holding her has unaligned my hips. I have had bad acid reflux with both late in pregnancy but last baby had lots of hair so expect this again. I genuinely think its less age that makes it harder when people have kids later and more if they have already got a hectic life with kids. It must be knackering having a second or third in your 20s too and for me I felt way more equipped and ready in my 30s plus could handle the lack of sleep etc better because my career is very demanding and I often have work deadlines which require ridiculous hours to fulfil.

What I'm saying is basically dont worry. I think it is very individual and provided you're happy and healthy it will all be ok xx

Most of my work friends are like this as all went uni and developed careers first. Only school friends who didn't who aren't. None of those who started in their 30s have had issues which is why I think its less age which takes its toll having kids later and is more if you already have kids and a hectic life and are knackered plus I think subsequent pregnancies can feel harder on the body because you've done it before and your body has changed - like me having pelvic pain second time because the alignment of my spine and pelvis has the impact of carrying a baby and toddler around for years before being pregnant again.

Your not old at all. I was pregnant at 42 (not planned) and had a 13 & 10 yer old. It was easy, felt the best I ever had while being pregnant, the older ones helped and played with my youngest. They are 26, 23 and 12 now all best of friends.

Yeah - you're a baby at 34! I had my last (9th) at almost 45 with a 4 yr gap. You'll be fine 😃 Congratulations!

I'm nearly 39 pregnant with my 3rd my kids are nearly 17/and 14 when the wee ones due lol 😆

First baby at 36. Easy pregnancy.
We have two older SC too. So age gap of 12/13 years. Big age gaps are in many ways much easier!
They don't want the same toys, they play together very differently and the older ones were very sweet and gentle with our baby.
Gives older kids permission to do little kid stuff again too! With ours living with us half the time they did get to escape though 😁
Baby is now a teen and the teens are now in the mid/late 20's and have nice relationships of their own with each other.

40 and 32 weeks pregnant with my second, DD1 is 7 :) totally planned, although was adamant for 6 1/2 years that we were done with one lol

Not sure why it’s odd? I have three kids in three different schools, so I do mingle with a lot of mums/dads and would say 80% of them Omar’s my age. Maybe some older ones, but not a lot. I loved the ages I had my older ones. I really really struggled at 27 with my youngest. It was totally different and I said I wouldn’t have more after 30. I honestly thought I’d spend my 40s with grandkids not running around after my own kids still. Sorry if this sounds odd to you, my pill failed and this is a huge, unexpected surprise for me. I thought I was done with babies years ago. It’s just hard for me to get my head around. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I just want to say THANKYOU to everyone who commented. It makes me feel less alone, I’m dreading telling my friends and the kids will think I’m nuts. I’m still in shock really, I forgot about it for hours and then think shhhiiitttt and then remember. I’m so worried about sleepless night again, my kids all sleep so good 🤣 just generally being tired and no where near as fit as I was when I was in my 20s. My pill failed I guess, never missed one, so it’s just a huge unexpected shock.