Terrified of new born stage!!

[Pondz]

Hi everyone!

I hope this is ok to post here. Basically, me and my husband have been talking about how we are ready for a baby. We have spoken about it a lot over the years and now that we feel like it’s time I’m suddenly extremely terrified of the new born stage. So much so that it’s making me delay. We decided to start trying in April but so far have been using condoms because I can’t bring myself to do it.

It isn’t motherhood that I’m afraid of - in fact I can’t wait! It’s the baby stage. I know I want a family, i can’t imagine my life without and I have a deep longing for this. I think about it every day. I am also aware that there are lots of hurdles along the way and each new stage has its own challenges, it’s not as if after they are newborns everything is suddenly easy. I am just very worried of the shock of having a baby and our worlds being turned upside down. I’m scared of the toll it may take on my relationship and the sleepless nights and the monotonous repetitive days that I’ve heard about. Everyone says how unbearably tough it is and when I imagine the new born stage I feel like it’s a few weeks/months of misery.

The thing is, I know I have to just get through it if I want a family. So I am posting here to get some reassurance in hopes that it gives me the kick up the bum to get on with it. Please can you tell me how people get through this stage and offer some positive words? Are there any tips on how to make it more bearable? Is there anyone here who actually loved the new born stage?

I love(d) each and every stage so far, my DD is nearly 5months. Life outside of baby hasn't been easy for me, I split with DD's dad when pregnant although we are working through things so see each other regularly and he is very hands on with DD. Please don't let someone else's 'sleepless nights', 'changes with relationships' and 'baby experiences' put you off or delay starting your family.

I hate admitting it (I get the daggers from other mums ) but my DD has been a dream! She's slept through the night from approx 10 days old, naps twice a day and is a very happy content baby, very rarely cries. We got to baby groups, out for walks etc, basically I'm out with her all the time. Before she was born I was told I'd need help, and I'd really struggle and I was worried about what I'd 'heard' from other parents experiences etc but honestly I just realised that yes I was by myself and was having a baby and just had to get on with it, go with the flow so to speak.
Every baby is different and every parent has different views to parenting and different experiences. I do realise I'm very lucky with DD and I fully expect her to be a horror when older

The first 3/4 weeks of D1 I found hard but then suddenly adored it. I couldn't get enough of having my snuggly little bundle.
Even the sleepless nights get easier. Don't get me wrong, it's exhausting but we as humans adapt to situations quickly so if the sleepless nights become the norm and you don't feel as tired after a while. When they start sleeping through and then go back to sleepless nights, that's the killer 😂

Honestly, all stages have their ups and downs but the baby stage was by far my favourite so far.

I felt the same when I was pregnant, but it turns out I LOVE the newborn stage. I finally have one that is really easy, but even with my first two who threw up and shouted a lot, there is something so magical about watching a tiny person experience the world for the first time that I was endlessly fascinated by them and loved just staring at them and squeezing them.

So don't freak out, basically, is my advice - even if you aren't a fan of the newborn stage, you will love your baby and muddle through it one way or another. But you might really enjoy it, so there's no point second-guessing yourself.

Newborns are SO easy compared to when they start walking, have no sense of safety etc etc. My first wasn't the easiest newborn either with reflux and CMPA, but I still can confirm 100% I found newborns (I have two DDs) ten times easier than the early toddler stage!

The baby stage was the easiest, if most tedious, stage for me. I had my kids on a routine from the first day home (takes weeks to sink in), and other than having difficulty putting my second down initially, they slept well and I rarely had those sleepless nights some talk about. I clearly remember one night my son being poorly and crying a lot, but as that sticks out it didn't happen much at all.
Each stage brings its own challenges. Some sail through potty training some fight it or take a long time, for example.
I suggest you ask yourself how you would divide the workload between you and your partner (not just the baby but household tasks). Who you could call in for help if need be when you are at the end of your tether - a parent? Sibling? Friends? Who could you leave the baby with in an emergency (my husband was hospitalised when my baby was six weeks). Do you know of a reliable babysitter? As well as who could be a sounding board for all things baby, or when you want to talk about anything but your baby!
While it may seem overwhelming at first, your life doesn't end when a baby comes. But you do have to plan, get some childcare in place.

Honestly, the first 6 weeks are tough. Especially with your first, but it's not so much the baby that's the tough bit, it's recovering from birth, being sleep deprived, feeding, getting to know your babies needs. But ... Newborns are amazing, you'll look back with rose tinted glasses and coo over everyone else's baby because when your not sore and sleep deprived babies are amazing! 2nd time around your less shocked and know a bit more about babies so it's easier. As others have said, you'll get through it, somehow?!? x

Newborns are my favourite. Even my colicky 2nd was adorable as a newborn. If they didn't grow up into toddler savages, id have loads of em 😂

Newborn is my favourite bit by far!
I have 3 DS and I loved it when they woke for a feed in the night and I'd take them downstairs, put on a box set i was watching and have a cup of coffee while they fed. I was in my own little bubble, nobody else to deal with, just my baby. Magical.

Echo what others have said!

Tips:
Get out every day, even if just for a walk, if you feel able.
Lower your housework standards to 0.
Accept any help you can get - meals, help with washing, getting the baby to sleep, anything.
Take loads of photographs - you will treasure them forever and won't believe they were once that small.
Don't get too used to a good thing - sleep with babies isn't linear, so you could have a few good weeks followed by a few hideous ones - this is normal.
Smile and nod at any well-meaning advice, and trust your instincts.
If you have a baby that is hard work, this likely isn't down to anything you are doing or not doing. Take anything anyone says about their angel children who've slept through the night from birth with a pinch of salt. They've probably turned into toddler savages.
Make sure you and your partner are a team. Discuss expectations before the baby is born so that you do not end up living in a home full of resentment because Mum is left to everything (I see this all the time on Mumsnet).
Try to enjoy it. It can be the most difficult but most magical time of your life.

I found the early stage hard, but there were positive aspects too, and it certainly wasn't so bad that it put me off having another. I'm now pregnant again and I don't feel any sense of dread, just a kind of acknowledgement that some things (sleep deprivation) will be a bit tough, but it won't be anything I can't handle, and there'll be plenty to enjoy, too. It helps a lot to have a hands on partner, of course, which thankfully I do.

In any case, the newborn stage is over very quickly in the grand scheme of things, so I think it's best to enjoyed what you can of it.

Ok I might get flamed.

However was talking to my friend with a 6 month old about this earlier & we agree. I have a nearly 4 year old DS an 8 week old DD, Neither easy to conceive & 2 active dogs too that need walking.

The toddler stage was INFINITELY worse than newborn for me as DS was a lovely calm baby & nightmare toddler. He's now a lovely nearly 4 year old but he's a firecracker from dusk til dawn 🧨

8 week old is DD also very content so we'll see how she turns out! But we have a routine. She "goes to bed" so we have our adult time to be "us" again already.

It's hard, tiring yes.
I wash my hair once a week if I'm lucky cos I prioritise having a good nap when she does at lunch & he is at preschool & my hair takes ages as it's thick & awful, that's fine by me.
DH has been in spare room since birth mon- fri so he can sleep well for work & DS goes into him at night for issues not me cos he's a daddy's boy but weekends in with me & he helps out. But DS often wakes her up "with love". Friday night we were up for 3.5 hours straight with DD, we gave up & put her in her own room in the end, then DS came in "for a snuggle" just as we were falling asleep.

But we survived. We tag teamed it today so we could nap.

Worse I find it dull & boring the newborn stage. They don't do anything. That's what a lot of people don't say. But today when my daughter was snuggled up on my chest asleep it's the best feeling in the world.

You sound ready, you wing it, you'll be great, you'll love it. Go for it! 😊

I absolutely adore the newborn stage, and would do it again and again if I could (3 is enough for me now). They are so helpless, and need their mummy and daddy so much, which is so wonderful, and are also so portable (I agree with PP who said try to get out every day). I just couldn’t get enough of newborn snuggles, and it is just the best! Me and DH and DC fight over who gets to hold our current one constantly 😂

The first 6 months is basically practice. All you have to do is feed and clean them, keep them warm. They can't even move by themselves. After that it all goes to shit 😂

You'll be fine OP

There's some really great advice on here which I really appreciate and is so helpful! I am going to make sure to come back and re read this thread whenever I start to feel worried and I'm sure it will make me feel better, as it already has done. I actually feel excited again now that my mind has been eased.
So it's really just a case of wait to see what kind of baby you have and take it as it comes, and somehow you survive! I'm happy to say I have a very good support system, lots of family close by who would be more than willing to help out, and an amazing DH.

Thanks everyone!

It's so shortlived OP. I don't remember the newborn stage tbh and I've done it twice now. However I've got another one coming in August all being well, I'll let you know how it goes 😂

I was scared too, wondering how I would cope with the lack of sleep and the effect on my marriage etc. But we personally took to it like a duck to water. As long as you and your partner are a team, you will be fine! Taking it in turn to change baby, catching up on sleep, feeding (if bottle fed), or for example as I was breastfeeding, everytime I had to wake up to feed baby, my husband woke up too and sat with me.

But honestly the newborn stage is amazing, but it goes by so quickly so treasure every moment! My 'newborn' is now 5 months old, and honestly for me I enjoyed it so much more when she got to around 12 weeks old, when she started to be more alert and interactive, babbling and starting to giggle. Being a mumma is so rewarding 💐

Honestly I struggled with the newborn stage. I actually had a very 'easy' baby but for various reasons I couldn't bond with him, and spent the whole time worrying about that and feeling like I wasn't feeling the right things. I wish I'd known then that the bonding is a long process, and not everyone feels instantly in love with their baby. So don't worry if you're not in a 'love bubble' right away, it will come! As long as they're fed and warm and changed, newborns don't need much else

I loved the newborn stage, my daughter is 1 now and the newborn stage was by far the easiest. And this is after a csection too. Yes you're up multiple times at night but they sleep so much during the day that I'd snooze on the sofa (while she was in the moses basket next to me) or lounge around watching boxsets. I always had time to shower and do my makeup, have a leisurely coffee (all things that made me feel more human). All you have to do is feed them, change them and let them sleep. Going out for a daily walk always helped with the monotony too. The days did used to stretch out for ages but I kinda liked that, but then again I am happy with my own company.

Once they're older you have to run around after them, entertain them, deal with the mess from weaning, plan their meals. You don't have time to get ready properly, ever! It's a lot more entertaining and I love seeing her develop into a proper person, but it's very demanding!

The thing is, it IS hard - but you get through it. For me, there was a world of difference between Dc1, where I was completely unprepared for the hard and DC2, where I leaned into it and as a result it was much less overwhelming. So if you’re already imagining it to be difficult you’ve kind of coached yourself into a good place where you may even find it EASIER than you imagine! Some babies are genuinely hard; some are much easier. But I think it’s largely about our expectations. With DC1, I somehow expected my life to go on as before and was somewhat traumatised by the lack of sleep and and the inability to really do anything for myself for a few months. With DC2, I actively looked forward to mammoth breastfeeding sessions catching up on box sets. I didn’t give myself a hard time about not getting anything else done. Breastfeeding was easier as baby got fed a lot, I didn’t worry about sticking to schedules, just fed and fed and fed. Wasn’t frightened about safe cosleeping, which meant I did get a solid few hours from the get go. Etc.

Dont let it put you off having children. You will come out the other side! In reality it’s just a few months at most, for most people, then baby becomes a bit easier/you become more confident, etc. You’ve got this!

Omg I’m the same 😂 I wanted a child, not a baby. I’m 10 weeks in now and it’s getting better. I take every day as it comes and remind myself that we only want one so this is the last baby stage I ever have to do 😂 seriously though, it’s not as bad once you’re over the initial shock. And when they start smiling it really is wonderful because they’re so damn cute. I was up most of last night but at 5am she smiled the biggest smile at me from her cot and I instantly didn’t care I was awake (and I’m someone who needs her sleep and ended up with PND because of breastfeeding failure and having a refluxy baby…smiles are magic)

I think going in prepared and being realistic is key. I see posts on here ALL the time from mums totally unprepared for the fact that their babies dont seem to want to be put down, or sleep long stretches or have any kind of routine. There seems to be this weird pressure to have this magical baby that sleeps through the night after two weeks!

Its very much dependant on what kind of baby you have - its all luck of the draw. My low point was having to poop while holding her because if i put her down she started screaming and it was 4am and I was just OVER it lol.

Make sure you agree up front that the care is 50/50. Partner needs to absolutely pull weight with housework, night feeds, the lot.

It also goes by in the blink of an eye. Dont rush - enjoy sitting on the sofa cuddling that baby. And take time for yourself - you are not JUST a mother.

There is a trend to plan for the post partum phase, to think about how you might approach the sleep challenges, how to ensure you manage sleep between you, to think about what external support you might find useful, who you would each reach out to be honest about your feelings. I think this can be very useful.

The newborn stage isn't that bad, it's the toddler years that are a shock to the system I think.

Newborn is heaven... toddler stage has been a massive challenge. X

I loved the newborn stage with both of my boys. Both after C-section and the last one after a complicated section but it was amazing. The newborn bubble is worth it.
I have to say, my boys were not difficult babies, particularly the younger one. He slept through from 3 months onwards.