PANIC HAS SET IN - HELP

[BearMama]

I am 28 wks and beginning to panic at how I am going to cope. When I agreed to get pg DP was working and well. Now he is a depressive unable to work. I am disabled and cant work. How the hell are we going to afford the lightweight pram (for buses), the nappies, the cot, the clothes? OMG sorry for freaking out, it just hit me.

do you qualify for the surestart grant? Have you joined freecycle - some good stuff there. Also - cot doesn't have to cost the earth - we have an Ikea one which is very good - I think their basic one is about £30 with another £20 or so for mattress. You will cope. All the best to you and your dp

Hi Bearmama, I'm afraid I don't have any practical advice (I'm sure someone will be along soon who does) but didn't want your post to go unanswered. I guess the only thing I can say is that I believe we're never handed more than we can cope with... your only choice right now is to believe you'll work it out. Sorry that feels so inadequate as a response, I really hope you're OK x

Bearmama, you will cope I'm sure. TBH charity shops have amazing stuff in them now, people really don't keep things as much as they do and you can find excellent prams, clothes etc. Another tip is if you have a more affluent area around you go to the charity shops there too! We are moving house next week and I am about to take quite a bit of toys and a bulky highchair to the charity shop as, although we are expecting another, we have a different highchair now, etc. Also, have you discovered the wonders of ebay?? I have bought quite a few maternity clothes there and looking for a pram at the moment. They also have STACKS of baby clothes you can get for an absolute bargain. If you can pick it up as well you can sometimes get things really cheap. The only thing to be wary of is don't buy a secondhand car seat and replace any mattresses of cots, etc. Perhaps you could ask any family and friends to get you mothercare vouchers as a present and you can then get the essentials with that? Good luck.

Hi - I dont qualify for surestart as I am on Incapacity Benefit and I am on Freecycle - have got a high chair so far but there is so much competition! Have been on the lookout for a travel system for ages but they are all heavy/bulky on Freecycle. I've always tried be organised and plan ahead but now the due date is getting nearer and nearer. Thanks for the answers - its not as if I regret getting pg - in fact I am really looking forward to it. I just dont have "safety net" of parents or friends with loads of stuff to give. Dont mean to sound bitter at all, just would rather be enjoying pg than worrying about money.

I thought you could get the surestart grant if you were on a low income or on benefits. Good luck with the baby, when are you due? Babies can be as cheap or expensive as you make them.

bearmama, alot of travel systems are heavy ime.

info on surestart grant here but i am sure you have read it all.

You can pick things up relatively cheaply brnad new - ie a cot from Ikea is £30 ish. You don't need a pushchair, you can use a carrier but it depends what your disability is and how well you can get around with/without a pushchair.

Am due late March - it just doesnt seem that far away. I dont know...have been told about Child Tax Credit and Child Benefit but cant apply for that until after birth - seems ludicrous given the need to buy nappies, equipment, etc.
Feel like such a wimp for moaning like this

BearMama, where do you live? Someone here might be near you and have stuff to lend/give to you.

We don't have much either, but I found ebay brilliant for all sorts of things, that and charity shops are fab! Car boots are really good for bargins too (although I am gutted as all the ones in our area are closed for the winter as they have them in fields, damn!) I can honestly say I haven't bought anything new and we haven't been given anything either. Try and get a bit each week if you can to spread the cost, that's what we did. And babies don't really need all that stuff, write down a list of things that you think are essential, and see how you can get those things cheaper - that may help you feel a little less overwhelmed by it all, good luck and I am sure you will all be fine!xx

Isn't there something called the Discretionary Social Fund ? They can provide something called a Crisis Loan which is interest free which will help meet immediate needs in a crisis. The amount you get would depend on circumstances . Go online at www.dwp.gov.uk and click on form GL18 Help from the Social Fund.

I only know this from looking at the back of the NHS Pregnancy Book as Ive been chasing up Maternity Allowance.

Hope this helps.

there are nct nearly new sales as well.

MoosMa - I am in Edinburgh. Not been lucky in charity shops so far re prams/cots tho have bought a few baby clothes.
Scaryhairycat - I have been doing exactly that - writing things down which does help, its just doing the math which is freaking me out.
Would rather not go down the Crisis Fund route as they take too much off benefits every fortnight.
I wouldnt have a problem with borrowing stuff - just dont know anyone. Unfortunately I do need a pram/buggy as have arthritis so cant rely on a carrier.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

Hey,
I'm in Edinburgh too.
In the Barnardo's on Gorgie Road they had 3 prams with travel systems, I was shocked when I went passed as I thought how cheap they were, but that was last month. There is also a great car boot sale at the Corn Exchange, I think it's on Sunday mornings, you can pick up bags of baby clothes for next to nothing. There's a Nearly New sale coming up soon too at the Polworth Church, sorry I can't remember the date but you can look online.
There's a Surestart Office on Gorgie Road too, they are really helpful and you can just walk in off the street. Also in Gorgie (just along from Barnardo's) there's a toy library, it's open on a Wednesday from 10.30 to 2.30, they even have playmats for tiny babies.
I've just given everything to a friend of mine who is due in a couple of months otherwise I couldv'e given you a bundle.
Oh and Edinburgh Council will give you £30 if you use real nappies.
I'll have a think and see if there's anything to add to this list.

You can reapply for surestart maternity grant,you should be able to get it if neither of you are working at the moment,
your midwife will be able to point you in direction of added help,
you could put add in your local paper needed .......... for free or cheap
look into strollers that lie flat i have\silver cross pop and this lies flat hth

my mil gets really nice things from the Bethany shop in Edinburgh sometimes - cannot remember the name of the area where she usually drops in - will ask dh later

Thanks everyone for your suggestions and comments - will check it out when have the energy and look online for Polwarth Church.

Bearmama, to look online for the nearly new sale in that church go to www.nct.org.uk, type in your postcode for your regional branch. That will give you the info. They are really worth going to, but go early in the day of you can.

The thing to remember is that there is so much that you DON'T need. You really can get away with the baics.

There are lots of lightweight strollers that are suitable from birth. We got a M&P pulse/beat for DS which cost us about £80 and it's served us for all occasions for the last 2 and half years and we will be using it again for the one that's on the way. YOu don't need an expensive cosytoes for it either just some cheap fleece blankets will be fine on a cold day.

Bearmama - babies need love, milk and warmth - I'm sure you can offer all of those things. Babies don't know a top of the range cot to sleeping in a drawer - so long as they are warm and safe. You will cope. But I would strongly advise you to join and go to a local mum and baby group - even before the baby comes to make some friends - you'll find people are amazingly generous and will look out for you and give you what they no longer need.

Things will get better in time.

Is your partner getting treatment for his depression?

I think the bethany shop I'm thinking of is on Morningside Rd - might explain the nice stuff therein!!

Hi - whenever I start feeling overwhelmed I always try and imagine what Mums did during the war with loads of mouths to feed on rations without thier husbands around. I know this doesn't help practically but might calm your anxieties as people did manage in the most adverse circumstances.

I saw a programme about how women had to 'make do and mend' and a chap was showing people how to make a cot out of a coal sack - Now that's recycling!

At least you're aware of it and not burying your head in the sand.

Good luck & remember how much we're bullied into buying things that we don't need because of clever marketing!

i found this thread useful, to make up a list of things that were necessary and things that would be luxuries (so to speak).
hope it helps...
"have you bought anything that was a waste of money" thread

i got loads of basics shopping around supermarkets, i.e. packs of clothes, own brand toiletries

nappies on offer (3 for 2 in boots and then points to buy other bits with) use points systems (join pampers, bounty, boots, tesco preg/mother clubs you get sent money offer vouchers, some crap, some useful) and shop around for everything. NOT store cards, just loyalty.

ikea have some reasonable stuff such as baby bath, bibs, fleece blankets, flannels, high chair and very reasoanble cots.

also i bought some packs clothes at boots when they were buy one get one half price (bought various sizes) and they were doing a triple pionts weekend- so got loads of points to buy other stuff.

make a list of essentials and keep checking it when you are shopping around, that way hopefully you won't miss out on any bargains that would be useful to you. and won't get tempted by things you don't need.

also Primark for clothes in a size or two up for maternity wear - i just got basics to last for now and until i can get back into my regular clothes. have been able to get by with some of DH slightly older basic clothes like Tshirts/fleece. with a coat on who's going to know if your wearing the odd bit of mens wear??

I found it hard to ask, but got friends and mum to ask people they know who had babies last year about stuff they may want to sell or give away. As long as they are tactful, like saying we'd rather get it from someone we know, or you know how babies grow so quickly is seems so wasteful to keep buying new, the shops make so much money out of new parents.. etc. this worked for me, got virtually new crib, newborn nappy packs that never got used, a few clothes, second hand high chair.

oh and when shopping on ebay spell brand names slightly wrong when searching, as some people make those little mistakes when listing, and sometimes you can pick up a bargain that way, as other watchers don't see it. (does that make sense?)

Anyway hope some of this helps.

oh and don't panic! just be practical and organised and shop around everywhere for new and used.

goodluck

Wow this is great - really helpful. I am pretty much set for maternity wear as that was one of the first things I stocked up on.
The £80 stroller is a revelation. I didnt want to go for a "trendy" buggy anyway - just a lightweight one.
DH IS getting treatment for his depression thankfully but I dont unload too much to him at the mo so thanks for letting me sound off here!
I have heard about the NCT sales so thanks for the website info.
"Love, warmth and milk" - yes I'm confident I can provide that.
I suppose I just wanted to hear from Mamas who had been there - now I dont feel so alone or quite so desperate.

Glad you're feeling a bit better. I'm not sure how I managed to be so sensible about buying an £80 stroller for my PFB and I was about to indulge myself with No2 and buy a silver cross jobby but this thread has reminded me that we don't have the cash to spare and we really don't need it.

Remember to ebay your maternity clothes when you've finished with them and use the cash to put towards things you'll need for baby in the future. Same with baby clothes and toys as your little one outgrows them.

Thanks - I bought Formes double layer maternity tops ages ago on ebay for about £10 each - seems a lot but good resale value and they are worth it as they last all thru pg.