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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

(Lack of) Sex in Pregnancy

43 replies

lazyhen · 13/01/2008 00:03

Hi all - Need some unbiased opinions.... I'm nearly 38 weeks pregnant and have hardly had sex since conceiving. Incidentally conception was easy and have had an easy pregnancy.

In the early days I was shattered all the time.... then DH had a herpes flare up (sorry tmi), which I don't have (and don't want!)... Then I got a bit big and uncomfortable... then I got really distracted by baby kicking and then it's all just fizzled away... DH has been great and hasn't pushed the issue at all but now I just feel like it's become a bit of a big 'thing' that will take ages to put right after the birth and having a newborn etc.

Feel like I should have made more of an effort early on but now the moment has passed.

So any thoughts, or anyone else know what I mean???

OP posts:

trish12 · 13/01/2008 00:19

hey hun it takes two to tango, ur hubby should be making the effort too, if anything him more so, coz ur hormones are all over the place!! but sounds to me like youve gotten stuck in a rut and cant break the cycle and now its getting brushed under the carpet!! i feel for you coz when they say sex is the best in pregnancy its true!! well it has been for me, think ive been too demanding tho, poor sod ! but on a serious note, you both need to take time out with each other and give each other some serious lovin, while u get chance! and remind each other why you are together in the first place. Buy yourself some sexy underwear and doll urself up, i know u mightn't feel like it now , but ive only got three weeks left myself and always make time to give my confidence a real boost,give it a whirl girl, i think its just what you need..

Original poster

lazyhen · 13/01/2008 01:54

The thought of buying sexy underwear now fills me with dread (and frankly I think I'm just a bit too frugal) I think he's got used to the fact it's not really happening and doesn't want to 'bother' me, so we're both as bad as each other, just got lazy and stuck in a rut...

Wondered if it had happened to anyone else and how/if they bounced back from it??

OP posts:

Pesha · 13/01/2008 01:58

My dp went off sex with me when pg. Has taken us time to get back into it, delayed by me having womb infection, us having other problems, lack of sleep, constant bfing and dp working nights! But I think its natural and normal and it does come back.

In fact I should probably go cos I think hes waiting for me now!

slim22 · 13/01/2008 05:14

You are right about the fact that's it's going to be a while before you're at it again ( healing + sleppless nights + getting back in shape etc...... )
You certainly won't lack excuses to postpone and it may become a "thing"

Just be candid about it and talk it through now.......AND GET GOING NOW....you still have two weeks....it's one of the best methods to bring on baby (prostaglandins in semen they say)

It's not unusual really but if you feel like it's going to build up into some sort of issue, tell him and de- dramatise.

BearMama · 14/01/2008 13:14

I agree - find out how he feels about it. If you feel loved anyway but neither of you really want it, that's okay. I am 28 wks and find it really uncomfortable but miss it anyway. DP is on meds that interfere with libido so not really a problem but still tells me he loves me.
Sorry if TMI, point is if you talk about it you might stop worrying and de-dramatise, as slim22 says.

babylove21 · 14/01/2008 14:03

Can you send some of those meds my way, for dp could really do with something to affect labido

Original poster

lazyhen · 14/01/2008 23:09

Thanks ladies - problem solved. Went to bed naked without nasty maternity pyjamas and one thing led to another....

Great stuff. Think it did need a conscious effort in a way but really glad it didn't turn into a big deal.

cheers everyone!

OP posts:

slim22 · 15/01/2008 11:24

babylove21 · 16/01/2008 10:45

wohoooo lazy hen

Original poster

lazyhen · 18/01/2008 23:41

He He - good job we 'did it' when we did as I had a baby 24 hours later. I don't think it was related to anything DH and I did but I didn't feel any movements on Tuesday so went to be monitored so they whipped her out via C-section early hours of Wed morning.

I left hospital yesterday and laughed alot at the contraceptive advice I was giving as I was leaving.

Cheers for advice ladies - Tuesday seems like a long time ago now!

FYI I had a healthy little girl 6lbs6oz and we think she's fantastic.

OP posts:

Naetha · 18/01/2008 23:51

Wow congratulations Lazyhen!

Hope the birth wasn't too traumatic, and you're enjoying lots of hugs with your LO

LeonieD · 19/01/2008 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BearMama · 19/01/2008 10:18

Congrats Lazyhen! Glad you got there in the end!
btw Babylove DP is on prozac

monkeysmama · 22/02/2008 13:23

I am really pleased to hear how happy Lazyhen sounds.

I am 28 weeks pregnant and we've only had sex once in four months. It is a massive issue for me - it's always been a really important (and fun) part of our relationship and I feel like a baby making machine and at times a bit lonely.

There are a number of issues - without going into detail we lost a daughter during pregnancy a few years ago (nothing sex related), he has read that semen can trigger labour and have a friend who started bleeding after sex during pregnancy and was rushed into hospital (she was fine as is baby) but all this has convinced my partner it's a bad idea.

We have discussed it a whole heap of times - both in bed and out of bed and have tried a few times to see if we can get over the fact he feels like there are 3 of us in bed.

I've done the underwear thing, the talking thing, just about everything I can think of but the mental block is there now (for my partner)

I am trying to be supportive and to work our way through this but he doesn't seem to think it is really a problem (everything is baby focussed - as long as (s)he is okay everything's okay) but it is a real issue for me. As I mentioned (now I am rambling!) I feel that a fundamentally important part of my relationship with the man I love has gone just when I need it (sex and that kind of intimacy) most.

Any advice would be very gratefully received.

lollipopmother · 22/02/2008 13:27

Urgh I never like sex that much anyway. I can remember having sex every single day without fail when I was in Uni. Now I really can't be arsed, although it's nice when we're doing it. Sex just isn't a big thing in our relationship.

turtle23 · 22/02/2008 14:18

Sex? What's that? My DH can't seem to get over (literally!) my bump, feels like we're doing it in front of the baby. We've done it occasionally, but between his hangups and my fatigue I can't see a way around it before the baby comes...

monkeysmama · 22/02/2008 14:36

Now I am getting depressed! Am I the only pregnant woman who still wants to make love with her partner?

systemsaddict · 22/02/2008 14:45

The most sensible and reassuring thing I ever read about this was something which said some people have loads of sex in pregnancy, others none at all. The hormones make some people feel really up for it, and turn others off. Then some dps have hangups about baby or are worried about causing damage. In the broad scheme of things it's for a really short space of time - whichever point you are at on the spectrum is still completely normal and OK!

hannahjb · 22/02/2008 14:45

hi monkeysmama - no, you are not the only one, I absolutely love sex and would quite happily have it every day if I could (with husband of course!!!) even when pregnant, I sometimes feel that I am the odd one out with all my friends who really do see it as a chore and something to avoid at all costs until they really have to 'get it over with' as they say! My husband sometimes gets fed up with me nagging him for a bit of hanky panky!! If you are getting too big and awkward for the whole hog, there are lots of other ways to keep things going so to speak

RGPargy · 22/02/2008 14:49

I really cant be arsed with sex atm, as i'm knackered after looking after DD (11 weeks), but DP will virtually explode if he goes without for more than a week so one has to deal with their "wifely duties" lol.

scorpio1 · 22/02/2008 14:51

I'm 33 weeks and adore sex, thankfully DH has no baby issues to overcome. He lieks my new boobs I am finding it increasingly important for that feeling of togetherness rather than anything else.

monkeysmama · 22/02/2008 15:02

Thank you ladies. Starting to feel a bit more normal!

The "problem" is my partner - he just can't get over the idea of hurting me. Even when we hug he gets worried he's squashing baby!

hannahjb · 22/02/2008 15:03

monkeysmama - TMI but do it from behind then theres no squashing!!!!! good luck and have a great weekend!!!

gillaz · 22/02/2008 15:05

Mmmmm - first trimester libido the same as usual. Second trimester I became positively rampant and now at 31 weeks can't be bothered at all. Keeps husband guessing I suppose. Everyone has a different pregnancy so don't worry about it.

monkeysmama · 22/02/2008 15:19

We've agreed to take some time and see what happens or otherwise so fingers crossed.

Thanks again

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