(Lack of) Sex in Pregnancy

[lazyhen]

Hi all - Need some unbiased opinions.... I'm nearly 38 weeks pregnant and have hardly had sex since conceiving. Incidentally conception was easy and have had an easy pregnancy.

In the early days I was shattered all the time.... then DH had a herpes flare up (sorry tmi), which I don't have (and don't want!)... Then I got a bit big and uncomfortable... then I got really distracted by baby kicking and then it's all just fizzled away... DH has been great and hasn't pushed the issue at all but now I just feel like it's become a bit of a big 'thing' that will take ages to put right after the birth and having a newborn etc.

Feel like I should have made more of an effort early on but now the moment has passed.

So any thoughts, or anyone else know what I mean???

Morning sickness pretty much does it for me. DH has told me that as soon as I don't feel ill, I'm to jump on him. Judging from my last pregnancy, he might have to wait a while.

lol get it whilst you can... whilst pregnant with my ds i had awful morning sickness... was never sick, just felt sick constantly and didnt want to be touched and the rest of the pregnancy i felt like a heffer and was definately not interested in "that" also had quite a few complications with the birth and ended up with a 3rd degree tear, how apealing! Now im 26 weeks and all alone as my partner and me split up and im telling u its like being in hell... Ladies if you have a man ENJOY HIM!!!!

Hi Im 14 weeks pregnant and I have just totally not been in the mood or bothered. I think my partner been working hard and is just sooo tired also, so he hasn't really tried it on which Im not really bothered about. I do feel sorry for him though and think how the hell do they manage without for soooo long. I know they have their ways but not all men do that I think.Beginning of pregnancy think had it 3 times, I though by 14weeks your suppose to be energetic, not me, im buggered 7 days 24/7 hehe

monkeysmama I have been very very VERY horny throughout my pg. My partner finds it difficult to get me off him!
5 times a day I suppose is a bit much...
And to add some more TMI to this, best position so far is him on his knees, his back straight, in the missionary. No lying on bump that way. You may want to put a pillow under your bottom though.
Or we just.. lovingly 'assist' eachother.
Without the actual penetration. That way you can feel close and happy without the hassle of positions and the tears when one of you falls over. Etc. Ahem.

-coughs-

I can't think of anything I'd want to do less at the moment. We've done the deed 4 times since I found out I was pg and I am now 23 weeks.

I'll give hubby pleasure but intercourse just makes me freeze at the moment. We keep talking though and he knows it is not him it is my hormones and that I just don't want to but as I say that doesn't stop me helping him along! He needs a bit of reassurance but we're doing fine!

Thanks "The PFJ". It has genuinely amazed me that women are happy to go without sex for so long! I am knackered too - tired, feeling very big and increasingly uncomfortable but it is really important to me that we keep that side of our lives going - for the closeness and enjoyment for both of us. The baby is of course our main discussion topic (as you'd expect) and always at the forefront of our minds but I am still a young woman with a lot of other interests and likes (including sex) I'm not prepared to give up just yet to become a babymaking, feeding, changing machine (and nothing else)! I don't think that is unreasonable.

MM

Hi,
A really interesting thread showing (yet again) just how very different we all are!!!
I'm only 10 weeks pregnant but have been pretty rampant the whole time I must say ... and feel I'm really missing out if I go a day without any action ... luckily partner is more than happy to oblige!!!
monkeysmama - it does sound as though there are a few things going around in your partner's head ... when you say you've only had sex once in four months, do you mean penetrative sex or any kind of mutually satisfying sexual activity?? I do hope it's not the latter - as surely this is something you can both enjoy without worrying about making you bleed or worrying about semen inducing labour etc etc 'Closeness and enjoyment' should certainly not be lost and missed out on ... as you rightly say, that's SO important to maintain ....
XXXXXXX

Maxandminimum - your post has really cheered me up. We sleep naked every night and over the past 4 months he's enjoyed my attentions about once every 2 weeks and has tried to reciprocate a few times but it has just kind of petered out and left us both feeling a bit sad. It is now of course building up into a big thing which isn't going to help either of us.

We have been through the mill over the past few years babywise and he is convinced something is going to go wrong despite 2 weekly check ups and everything being 100% okay and being given nothing at all to worry about this time.

Hi,
I'm really pleased I have cheered you up ... I reckon that, perversely, a crucial part of this is that he's feeling sad about the situation when it doesn't all 'come together' too (pardon the terrible pun) ... I would at least perhaps try to take this as a positive ...
It's awful when, due to over-analysing/thinking/brooding/worrying about such a thing that it can become almost impossible to be spontaneous and natural feeling again!!!
By the way, in between being rampant with my partner, I am frequently 'pleasing myself' too!!! Is there any way that, if you are doing this also, this can help to show your partner that you are absolutely fine with regards to what effect this is/isn't having on your baby??!! Would this reassure him do you think? I'm sure you've probably thought of everything so I am sorry if this is all a bit obvious sounding??!!!
XXXXXXX

I hadn't thought of that and it is a very, very good idea. The most useful advice I've had. Thank you very much.

Excellent!!! I'm glad I may have been of some help. I really wish you well and hope that you manage to sort it all out soon.
I'm just finishing at work (naughtily abusing their time on here currently) and probably won't be back on here at home this evening due to two children and promising to watch a dvd with partner (I tend to need to be horizontal by 9pmish at the mo ... not to sleep but just to have feet at same height as head .... ahhhhhhh .... so dvd will have to happen pretty early!) ...
Be great to hear any update from you and will try to check in here as regularly as is possible during daytimes.
Lots of love,
XXXXXXX

Hi again, glad you feel a bit better monkeysmama. I agree with MM on a few things here. I have to admit also, since there is no one in my life I could admit this to apart from my partner, without sounding weird; that I have been so rampant that pleasing myself has had to happen rather alot throughout my pg too. I thought it sounded a bit too strange, and I really do feel down if I dont get sex once a day. I know its alot to ask my partner, but I cant help but feel that way.
Trouble is, bump is so big now, at almost 36 weeks I cant reach down there easily anymore LOL!
So er. Thats it. I feel so much better for being about to tell someone that.
Please no one point and laugh.
Thanks xxx

Wouldnt dream of it, PFJ, I would love to still be having sex but feel too "closed up" - so I do what you do as well, or get DP to if he's up for it. He doesnt pressure me but just lets me know he misses it, which is nice.

Ladies, you have made my day. Now I know I am not going crazy. Thank you!

Awwwww. I feel better now too!