Unplanned pregnancy a year after giving birth

[Cinnamon1991]

Hi everyone...I really just needed someone to talk to, vent to even because I have gotten myself into this situation.

I am currently 5 weeks pregnant, this pregnancy was totally unplanned and has really taken me and DH aback. It is our fault...we didn't use a condom, we always do...and on this one occasion we didn't. We didn't think it would be a big deal because we had a baby girl a year ago, but it took 5 years of trying to conceive her. That is why we never in our wildest dreams thought this one off would get me pregnant, but here we are. I feel so emotionally and physically overwhelmed as my morning sickness has kicked in and I feel god awful. I also have a small child to take care of and I feel so so guilty that I cannot enjoy my time with her because I feel so sick.

I had a c section and my pregnancy with my daughter was difficult, I had awful sickness, diabetes...was induced which failed resulting in an EMCS. The thought of having to do all this again with a small child is really making me feel depressed and alone. I felt like I just got my body back and now have to go through the motions again. I have always wanted a second child, but we were planning maybe after 3 years. This is all happening too soon and I just feel like a wreck.

DH says it was meant to be and to embrace it...but it's easy for him to say, it is my body that will go through all this. I know he is trying to help and what is done is done. But I honestly still feel like crap. The thought of raising 2 babies is stressing me out, and I am not looking forward to the newborn stage which was a struggle to say the least with my daughter.

I guess what I am really asking is, has anyone had an unplanned pregnancy which gave you morning sickness, whilst having a small child to tend to...how did you manage and how are you now managing with 2 small children?

I’m so sorry you feel conflicted and unwell.

My 2nd pregnancy was planned, but also quite close to baby no. 1, who had just turned one, and honestly although it was rough being pregnant with a toddler & having TWO babies waking during the night it was brilliant getting it all out of the way in 3 years flat. They’re 11 & 13 now & play together all the time, always have, and adore each other.

Crucially they have always ENTERTAINED each other, which is the massive advantage to back to back babies. You’ll also get the “hall stuffed with prams” stage of your life over and done with.

I would absolutely choose that small gap again over a 3 year gap.

Your husband is going to have to be fully prepared to pick up a lot of baby work with baby no. 1 during this pregnancy though if you’re not feeling well.

I did!

there’s a 17month gap between my son and daughter and then when my son was 2 and my daughter was 10months, I found out I was pregnant again and I now have another daughter who’s 5months (and my son is now 3, and older daughter 2). Morning sickness for each for terrible, and I was exhausted the whole time. But second and third times the pregnancies went quickly and the births so much easier and faster!!

how do I manage now? Well the older two are in nursery full time and my baby will also go there when I go back to work full time. My husband shares the load and we work as a team.

Sorry to hear you are going through this. I conceived a year after having my DC and felt the same. It was also unplanned and a big shock. I’d just stopped breastfeeding and I felt like my body was only just recovering from that (I got really bad joint pains linked to it). I wasn’t back at work yet, we were screwed financially and in general just felt crap about it all. Also suffered back sickness and couldn’t handle it with a child who was still waking every couple of hours.

In the end we made the decision to have a termination and I’m really glad we did, it’s not right for everyone but it was 100% the best decision for both my mental and physical health and my family.

That’s absolutely not what I’m suggesting you should do, I just wanted to share my experience so that you know that it is normal to not be over the moon about a second child even if you know you want one some day and it is completely normal to think about the impact it will have on you as a person (Which men don’t understand as much).

I also know people who have gone on to have two under two and it has worked out brilliantly for them. Most people seem to say it’s easier to have a toddler and a newborn than it is to have a toddler and be pregnant, and there are definitely pros and cons to every age gap. It would no doubt be tough but then any additional child would be and the tough parts don’t last forever.

I’m not sure if that helps at all but hopefully others can come along and reassure you too.

I don’t really have any advice but I just want to offer solidarity as I have a baby who turned 7 months old today and I found out two days ago that I’m 4 weeks pregnant. Same situation with taking a little while to conceive the first so didn’t take the right precautions and it took just the one time. We’re shell shocked.

Have chatted to a couple of people and there’s a general positivity about close in age siblings getting along and getting it all done. However I have very similar feelings in just feeling like I’ve got my body back and exhaustion at the thought of pregnancy/birth/newborn phase. You’re not alone. Also I’m concerned that I go back to work on Monday and I feel like I have this huge secret to keep that’s going to hold my career back. My other concerns are around how family will respond and how this will impact the support they give us.

My feeling current outlook is that it feels like a bad situation now, but in the long run it will work out and could definitely be a positive thing. 9 months can be a long time, a lot of things can change. Hope this helps a little bit!

18 months between mine, albeit planned, and I would change a thing. I was pregnant snd/or bf for 3 years but then all over. Youngest copied her sister and was potty trained by 18 months. Great friends now, and 99% of activities suit them both.

I don't know any different so can't say if easier or harder than a bigger gap but I wouldn't change it. No morning sickness but was exhausted and basically napped on the floor while dd1 played on me!

*wouldn't!

Thank you all for your kindness and replies...you all have no idea how much better I feel reading them.

@RedZin I know we get a bit laid back when it has taken us ages to conceive the first time thinking no way will it happen on a one time 'accident'

Thank you all for helping me see past my current situation. I guess what I can take away is that no bad time lasts forever and yes @astoundedgoat I would definitely want to get rid of these walkers/prams within 3 years rather then have them stretch on for 5 to 6 years. I really hope this pregnancy goes by fast as with my daughter those 9 months felt like 2 years. Everyone kept saying how time flew by...and here I was thinking how? It's never ending aches and pains and oh the acid reflux. Don't even want to begin thinking about that.

Hopefully after this one we are done and dusted. We also won't be so stupid as to take protection so lightly and I think I will get the IUD or some other form of protection inserted to rule out any more accidents. 🙄

Also you ladies taking care of kids close to one another are just super heroes. Motherhood is harder than any day job I have ever had honestly :)

Hello @Cinnamon1991, congratulations!

This has just happened to us. 4th baby is 10 1/2 months and I am 12 weeks pregnant so the gap will be 17 months. It also came as a shock largely due to my age (46) as we were thinking that I am not fertile anymore due to age so were not being particularly careful. I am really worried about how I will cope as I have big gaps with the other children (24, 17 and 13) so have never gone through having babies close together.

I had also just started recovering but still suffering from pelvic girdle pain, back pain and coccyx pain which has now got really really bad my partner is wondering whether we should continue.

I am in a way excited about the pregnancy but worried about whether my body can actually cope and also how o will manage with a new born and a just gone 1 1/2 year old. I am sure we will cope and the lovely ladies on here have provided great reassurance

@feistymumma I am so sorry you are going through so much pain. I think one thing that really holds me back from feeling 'excited' is the physical hardship my body is going through. I'm already feeling exhausted, have cramping (which I had for my previous pregnancy) starting to have reflux, cannot tolerate food which just makes me feel weaker and have constant dizziness. All while having an immense guilt of neglecting my baby girl who is used to having undivided attention and love.

I am also worried how my body will cope as I had a c section a year ago and now this pregnancy will also most likely be a c section especially if I end up diabetic like I was with my last. My c section scar still aches and I have no idea how this pregnancy will impact it. I am terrified to death of a uterine rupture and most of my worries are about how my body will cope with another pregnancy. I am trying so hard to stay positive but sometimes when your head is in the toilet bowl puking as a 1 year old cries for attention is hard to say the least.

I really do hope your pregnancy goes well, I do understand the concern with age etc. Especially when you already have 4 children. But I am sure these things have a way of falling into place. I strongly believe every child is a blessing and hopefully we can persevere through this hard time and eventually get to the other side. I mean...the sun must rise, right? Sending so much love! Let's hope both our babies are born healthy and that WE stay healthy through it 😅

You do what you need to do for you but here are my thoughts.
Similar age gap here. Don't forget your baby won't be like this when the new one arrives - mine was chatting, helping me with new baby and no jealously at all. I won't lie, it was hard at times but I was in the baby zone if you know what I mean.
DH needs to help out more physically. Any chance you could do a few hours of childcare a week for oldest just to give you a bit of rest time? Mine played together from very early and that really helps and also (it's a cliche) but you do know what you are doing the second time so things slot together quicker.
My final though is that it took you 5 years first time. What if you wait until she's 3 then it takes another 5 years? Would you be ok with that age gap? Sone people prefer it.

Just wanted to add a message of solidarity, when my DD2 is born my girls will be 13 months apart! DD1 was IVF so never dreamed of this happening.
I felt the same way in the beginning after a horrific pregnancy and PPA/PPD with my first. Won’t lie, first trimester was horrendous but now I’m in the third, it’s absolutely fine. This pregnancy has been so much easier and I’m tired but it’s not been impossible to look after DD1.

I just think about watching the girls grow up together and the anxiety goes. And the fact I get rid of both of them to school pretty much at the same time!!

@NaturalBlondeYeahRight I guess I didn't really think about it that way. If i wait 3 years and then it takes another say 5 years, that would be 8 years, making me 39 as I am gonna be 31 this July. I don't think I can do any more kids at that age. I feel that is the time to just be done with all that personally so perhaps this is a blessing in disguise.

Also the childcare thing I just won't be able to afford. Our finances really took a hit after my daughter as I quit work as soon as I found out I was pregnant (we tried for 5 years and had miscarriages so I thought let me give up work and be at rest to see if that makes any difference) I don't know if that helped in reality but hey I had my girl after 5 years of trying and pregnancy loss which only happened after quitting and being at total rest...so who knows.

I was planning to look for work and go back part time but doubt i will be now. However we are moving near my parents soon so my mum is more than happy to take her away for a few hours and let me just feel miserable in peace with all the puking and what not lol.

@MrsMo21 thank you for your message! That really helps. I think in the grand scheme of things it would be great to get all this done and over with and put a close to the 'baby' chapter.

It would also be great to watch both my daughter's grow and bond together (don't ask me how I know it is a girl but I have this gut instinct that it is) 😂😂

Currently 33 weeks pregnant, my 1st will be 20 months when baby arrives! My first was an emergency c-section at 37 weeks due to unknown restricted growth, they tried to induce me but his heart rate dropped with every contraction. They have kept a closer eye on me this time and im consultant led, growth scans every 4 weeks from 28 weeks and been on asprin since 12 weeks, baby is showing to be a big baby this time round! Ive been given the choice of what i want to do vbac or planned c-section, im still undecided and they said ive still got plenty of time to decide and i can decide closer to the time as they wount book the c-section untill 10 days beforehand anyway. Ive been told ive got a 70% chance of a sucessfull vbac and 1 in 300 chances of my previous c-section scar tearing open in labour.

My little one has been so good at keeping himself entertained whilst i have my head down the toilet, even brought in a wet wipe one time and went to wipe the toilet (i ovs stopped him from getting close to the sick and actually wiping the toilet😂) he had ovs seen me wiping down the toilet so many times after beeing sick😂

I fell pregnant with 2nd baby when my 1st was 11 months old. We had planned for a 2nd but it came as a complete shock as 1st baby was IVF and 2nd time I fell pregnant after 1 try!
1st year was really hard for us as baby no 2 has some serious health problems and had major surgery at 5 months old. But having said that, I wouldn't change a thing!

Now that she's turned 1, it's actually loads easier than just having one toddler as they play together and keep each other entertained. It's also so amazing watching their relationship develop and seeing their love for each other grow.

I'm also glad to get the sleepless nights/bottles/weaning etc all done and dusted within a couple of years and get back to work. As scary as it seems right now, it will work out 😊

I'm sorry you feel this way. Could you get some support from a pregnancy choices charity? It will all be OK. I'm actually TTC number two and my baby is 11 months. This is because it took me years to conceive my baby as well and I'm old! What I'm saying is you'll work through this and maybe it's happening for a reason.

Unplanned 13 month gap and horrible morning sickness and a toddler who did not sleep not great but we got through it we then had a couple more with a planned short gap Good luck

DC2 was an “oops” baby, born 20 months after DC1. (I fell pregnant with him in the week after my doctor told me I was unlikely to conceive again…)

The pregnancy was rough, and DH definitely needed to step up a lot so that I could get more sleep in the mornings and naps throughout the day. There were days with 2 under 2 that I truly thought our life was over.

BUT: DCs are 4.5 and 3 now (with a 1-year-old DB!), and they are truly BEST FRIENDS. They are so, incredibly sweet together. They share friends, sleep in bunk beds and tell each other stories as they fall asleep, have had all the same teachers at nursery and like pretending to be them together… they’re extremely close, and it brings me tremendous joy. In hindsight, I’m very glad we had them as closely together as we did.

It took a year to conceive DC1, so it was a bit of a surprise when I got pregnant with DC2 when DC1 was 7 months and I was still breastfeeding. It only took one try too, well it was more of a 'lets not bother with contraception because it took ages last time and if it happens we don't mind' sort of one try

I was in shock for a while, but excited when I got used to the idea. Morning all day sickness wasn't fun though. I just had to nap when the toddler did. Anyway, there's a 16 month gap between them and it was actually easier than we expected. As I always say, it can't have been too bad because planned DC3 arrived a couple of years later

Honestly you’ll look back and be so glad they were close together. Hindsight is wonderful but try to hang in there. It will be ok

Whh can't you take medication for morning sickness?

Yes this happened to us too! I’d just gone back to work part time and dd1 was settling into nursery when we found out. I don’t think I was the best employee that year!
For us though it all worked out, yes there were some tough times and it was hard carving time to keep both happy, but we were fortunate our eldest was a good sleeper by 19months and dd2 was a relatively ‘easy’ baby. We had some help from family nearby and kept dd1s nursery sessions. A few years on and they are best friends, do everything together, and will both be at school this coming year - they can’t wait to be going together! So for us the small gap was great.

Yes I did my baby was 3 months old when I got pregnant my sickness was terrible I was so tired I was single (they were children to the same man but we were not together) so it was so difficult but never did I question keeping the baby. In the olden days when there was no contraception and people had 10 kids they coped. It’s what our bodies are designed to do is get pregnant and have babies. You will get through this and it won’t Last forever. If the sickness is awful you can get meds from doctor.The hardest part was the early pregnancy that awful first stage. Once the sickness was gone I felt much better. I was tired at the end but I was home the day after he was born and life carried on as normal. They grew up together brother and sister.

@PinkBump2022 I'm so sorry you had to go through it all alone. It is exhausting even with a supportive partner let alone going the whole journey on your own. You are right about that first trimester being the worst...can't wait to enter the second because that was honestly the best as I got so uncomfortable at the last.

@Someonekillputin yes last time I was given cyclizine but to be honest it didn't really help much. I was still nauseous all the time, puking 6 to 7 times every day. Anyone know of any anti sickness meds that helped them? Maybe then I could specifically request it.

Also I am just alarmed and humbled at how many women have gone through this situation, even some who are older women in their 40s and single women, your struggle really is something to be celebrated. All of our struggles of unexpected pregnancy should be as it takes a lot of patience and endurance to make it to the other side, especially when you have other younger kids depending on you when you don't feel good at all. Sending you all love ❤