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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

So scared I've hurt my baby

50 replies

whathau · 22/05/2022 11:24

I'm so scared and I don't know what to do. I found out yesterday that I'm about 12 weeks pregnant. Complete shock, unplanned but very much wanted. We were planning to TTC towards the back end of the year. I've still been bleeding every month.

BUT - Four nights ago it was my best friends birthday and we went out and I estimate that I drank a bottle /bottle and a half of Prosecco between 3pm - 10pm. I wouldn't normally drink that much which is making it worse.

My DP is telling me that I have affected the baby's intellect, that I'll have done more damage than I know and that we should abort. My head is all over the place and I can't stop crying. Has anyone else drunk that much during pregnancy and the baby was fine??? I don't know what to do.

NC for this.

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MissNothing1991 · 22/05/2022 11:26

As a one off I'm sure it was fine. My pregnancy was unplanned, in the first few weeks, obviously not aware I was pregnant, I went on several nights out. I'm sure I'm not alone either. It would be different if you deliberately sat drinking a bottle of prosecco several times a week, but one when unaware your pregnant should be fine

MolliciousIntent · 22/05/2022 11:27

A lot of women drink in the early stages before they know. If you've been consistently drinking heavily then yes, you could have done damage. If this is a one off then it's unlikely you've done significant harm, but there's no way to know for sure. If this is a wanted baby, I wouldn't abort.

However, your DH is being incredibly cruel, to the extent that I'm wondering if he's using this as an excuse to get you to abort.

Regenbogen22 · 22/05/2022 11:28

Your DP is horrible, first off. Last thing you need is to hear shite like that. Ignore him.

You and your baby will be fine, I'm sure. I take it you haven't been drinking like that all the time?!

It's also not your fault at all, you didn't know you were pregnant. What's important now though is that you get in immediately for 12 week screening/dating scan. Call your GP or Midwife team tomorrow morning and explain the situation with just finding out you're pregnant. There are tests that need to be done in a certain timeframe.

Andromachehadabadday · 22/05/2022 11:29

I got really quite drunk at an event on a Friday. On Tuesday I realised my period didn’t come over the weekend, I did a test and was pregnant.

da is Autistic but every doctor I spoke to assured me the drinking wouldn’t cause it.

namechange30455 · 22/05/2022 11:30

You have a DP problem. He sounds vile. Why is he trying to make you feel worse?

Whadda · 22/05/2022 11:33

Whatever about the drinking, your boyfriend is an utter dick.

Does he actually want a baby?

Original poster
whathau · 22/05/2022 11:33

Thanks for the replies Flowers
No, the last time I had a drink before that was about 4 weeks ago and it was only a couple of small glasses of Prosecco with afternoon tea. I'm really, really not a big drinker which makes it all so much worse!

I'm assuming there must be some truth in what DP is saying otherwise he wouldn't be saying it?

OP posts:
MrsR87 · 22/05/2022 11:39

Wow! You’re DP sounds like a charmer.

Please, stop worrying. I was two weeks pregnant in NYE (unknowingly) and I drank a bottle of champagne! My pregnancy is progressing well well no issues. With my first, I conceived the week before me and DH went out for Valentine’s Day (again unknowingly) for a tasting menu full of foods you’re not supposed to have when pregnant and also did the accompanying wine flight…so approx 6 small glasses of wine with an after dinner drink too! My DS is now 18 months and such a healthy and happy boy and the nursery staff say he is ahead for his age!

If you were doing this regularly, then of course it would be time to adjust your habits and have a word with yourself but it was a one off! If you’re still worried about it tell your midwife, but I don’t think they will be concerned…I mentioned both of the above incidents to mine and they didn’t even bay an eyelid and just said it’s normal x

MrsR87 · 22/05/2022 11:42

And also to echo a comment from above. As you are already 12 weeks, contact your GP or midwife asap so that you can get the ball rolling with things that need to happen (blood tests, scans) in the first trimester.

Oizys · 22/05/2022 11:42

I also didn’t know I was pregnant with ds1 until 12 weeks I went out a lot in those 12 weeks. My Ds is perfectly fine! In fact he’s very intelligent (top of his year working a year or two above his age intelligent)

your DH sounds like a complete test

Rainbowqueeen · 22/05/2022 11:42

What medical qualifications does your DP have??
He’s certainly got a degree in nasty cunt.

Many many people have done the same thing you have and baby has been fine. He sounds like he wants you to abort and is saying whatever he can to make you do that.

You are clearly worried and he is making it worse. Can you go and stay with friends or family for a few days and make a GP appointment so you can get sone space from his vileness and sone actual medical advice.

💐💐💐 for you.

linerforlife · 22/05/2022 11:46

OP please don't worry. I drank heavily (on holiday) in the two weeks after conception, and then for another two weeks on my return (celebrating an engagement!) and baby was absolutely fine. Midwife said it happens all the time. A one off will be fine.

TeddyTonks · 22/05/2022 11:49

Your DP is either stupid or abusive. Maybe both. Get rid of him and keep the baby. It will be fine.

Loopytiles · 22/05/2022 11:50

Your DP isn’t a health professional and his comment was ill informed and nasty.

Read up online (respectable sources) about the actual risks, and/or consult a midwife.

Fizzybubblegumbottles · 22/05/2022 11:58

Someone I know found out she was pregnant at about 33 weeks and gave birth a few weeks later. She was still going out clubbing and drinking regularly the whole time as she didn’t know and her baby is fine.

cafedesreves · 22/05/2022 12:02

Your DP is horrible. Honestly don't worry! Congratulations on your pregnancy 😊

LizTrussPhotoOp · 22/05/2022 12:08

Please do not worry! Do not listen to him.
I spent the weekend before I discovered I was pregnant celebrating my DP’s birthday. Drank a lot more than you did, ate medium rare steak and went axe throwing. DS is a very bright, sociable little boy.

Investicat · 22/05/2022 12:22

I drank before I knew I was pregnant with DC1. You didn’t drink that much comparatively speaking!

They are now 25 with straight As throughout and work as a veterinary surgeon.

I think you have a massive DP problem. He sounds like a nasty controlling arse.

katnyps · 22/05/2022 12:27

Do not think twice about it! You have a much wanted pregnancy and this happens all the time (you will have drunk far far less at those levels than a lot of mums who go on to have perfectly normal healthy babies!!). Your partner has just taken normal good advice and completely misappropriated it - you definitely don't sound like you want to abort. Assuming he also wants a child, he will soon forget about his irrational comments (I hope!) and learn to be a little kinder and less anxious himself.

Fleur405 · 22/05/2022 12:29

I also know someone who didn’t know she was pregnant until after 30 weeks. Did everything you’re not supposed to - cocktails, regular drinking, rare meat… her daughter is 6 and absolutely fine (as far as I can tell she is pretty smart - certainly seems very articulate).

get a midwife appointment ASAP to discuss with them and meantime tell your OH to stop being a dick. Yes there is a risk from drinking while pregnant but as long as you are not drinking very heavily that risk is very small. My OH’s mum was advised by her midwife to drink a half pint of Guinness every day!! Try not too worry, I’m sure your baby is absolutely fine.

Original poster
whathau · 22/05/2022 12:33

Wow, thank you so much everyone. I had no idea how common this is, although I suppose there must be a lot of people who don't find out until later on in the pregnancy.

Thank you all for the reassurance, your words have helped and I've stopped crying!

I'll go and stay with my mum tonight I think and then call my GP in the morning.

I don't know what to say or think about DP. He's never been like this before.

OP posts:
fossilsmorefossils · 22/05/2022 18:16

I don't think a one off binge will change much tbh. It's really common as you can read on here.

Your DP is another matter. You could have the healthiest pregnancy in the world and still get a child with mush for brains. Will he still be a living and supporting father and partner then? There are no guarantees.

He also should be supporting you now. Does he actually want to have a child with you? Will he cry "abort" or will he leave when there is the slightest problem?

You have much to discuss.

smith19784 · 22/05/2022 18:41

I had big nights out before I found out I was pregnant with both my girls. With my eldest, we were on holiday in Turkey so it was more like a week of drinking and shisha pipes. Both of my children are absolutely fine.
Sorry to say but your other half sounds awful. He should absolutely not be saying things like that to you.

Figgygal · 22/05/2022 18:48

Your dp is an idiot and shouldn't have spoken to you like that
Hopefully the responses have reassured you
Im another who got utterly trollied before finding out i was pg too - no harm done

mrsfoof · 22/05/2022 18:48

Lots of people drink before they know they're pregnant and have no issues. And actually, at 12 weeks much of the baby's development is complete, so it's less of an issue than in the very early stages when they're developing organs and things.
I wouldn't worry - the likelihood is that baby will be absolutely fine.