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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

So scared I've hurt my baby

50 replies

whathau · 22/05/2022 11:24

I'm so scared and I don't know what to do. I found out yesterday that I'm about 12 weeks pregnant. Complete shock, unplanned but very much wanted. We were planning to TTC towards the back end of the year. I've still been bleeding every month.

BUT - Four nights ago it was my best friends birthday and we went out and I estimate that I drank a bottle /bottle and a half of Prosecco between 3pm - 10pm. I wouldn't normally drink that much which is making it worse.

My DP is telling me that I have affected the baby's intellect, that I'll have done more damage than I know and that we should abort. My head is all over the place and I can't stop crying. Has anyone else drunk that much during pregnancy and the baby was fine??? I don't know what to do.

NC for this.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

stuntbubbles · 22/05/2022 18:52

I'm assuming there must be some truth in what DP is saying otherwise he wouldn't be saying it?
Is he a medical professional? Has he ever been pregnant? Plenty of us have got leathered in the first trimester before realising; plenty of us have healthy babies.

Try not to worry about the booze. Do worry about your DP being a dick about it.

Bells3032 · 22/05/2022 18:55

Not quite 12 weeks but was downing long island ice teas at 7 weeks pregnant without knowing. I told the midwife and the doctor as i was really worried and he said unless it's regular drinking or rediculous amounts of binging it won't do the baby any harm and happens all the time.

Please relax. And get seen by your local hospital ASAP. And tell your partner to piss off

CatRatSplat · 22/05/2022 19:00

I was 30 weeks pregnant and had had a lot of drinks and some excessive drinking sessions before finding out. My DD is fine. I was told by midwives it's dependency on alcohol that is a problem so being a regular drinker even once a week can be a problem. A few one offs is fine (I obviously stopped as soon as I found out).

Talk to your midwife please to calm your fears but you really don't need the stress from your partner either, which could do more harm.

SenoraAveiro · 22/05/2022 19:01

Got pregnant on pretty much day one of my honeymoon and spent the next fortnight mostly pissed.

My friend found out she was pregnant at 19 weeks.

Your DH sounds like a prick. And the quickest Google would have told him there was no need for his bullshit.

Flavourflava · 22/05/2022 19:01

I got pregnant in November and had no idea. Got absolutely shiters a few times over Christmas. Not ideal but also not uncommon.

My toddler is bright as a button.

So, I don't think you have a baby problem. But to use a Mumsnet cliche, you do have a DP problem.

RaspberryChouxBuns · 22/05/2022 19:04

I'm sorry your DP is a complete spanner. This happens more than you know. Please don't worry, the likelihood of you having done significant lasting damage is minuscule.

Fizzyfish · 22/05/2022 19:05

Don't worry op, this is much more common than you think. Speak to your gp for reassurance, your partner sounds like a dick though

PlntLady · 22/05/2022 19:06

My friend found out about 10 weeks with her 2nd. The day before she found out we spent the night in a hot tub (big no) and easily drank a bottle and a half of processco each. Her baby is 3 now and is practically a bloody genius! Dont worry about it. I also have another friend who struggled emotionally with her pregnancy. She went out EVERY weekend and got so blind drunk each time that she would actually pass out. We were convinced her baby would have issues but she was fine.
Realistically it's very unlikely to have caused an issue as a one off. What's done is done. Be honest about it with the midwife and move on to enjoying your pregnancy. 🙂🎉

VerbenaGirl · 22/05/2022 19:09

What your DP said was not okay and you need to let him know that. Inadvertent drinking in early pregnancy happens all the time, with no bad effects - particularly a one off like this.

Scottishskifun · 22/05/2022 19:11

As a one off baby will be OK it's more constant binging and drinking. Women drank most days through pregnancy til the early 90s often being told having Guinness was good for them!

This sounds more like your DP doesn't want to be a dad and is being a prick!

CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 22/05/2022 19:15

My friend got very drunk at our graduation ball, and had no idea she was pregnant! Healthy baby, all good 🥰 I got pregnant whilst on honeymoon, obviously had no idea and drank every day! I'm sure it will be absolutely fine, the advice is overly strict because it's aimed at people who would drink all through their pregnancy.

Don't worry x

chickywoo · 22/05/2022 19:16

its Absolutely fine, loads of people do this, prior to conceiving most people are living their normal life and not making themselves miserable drinking decaf being teetotal and folic aciding for months beforehand 😉
please stop worrying, don’t give it another thought 🥰

Georgeskitchen · 22/05/2022 19:28

Same here, not a massive drinker but had a night out, drank loads , went out the next afternoon and basically topped the alcohol. Found out week after I was about 8 weeks gone. It never even occurred to me that I might have done harm. Baby was fine and is now a strapping 32 year old 😅

SummerHouse · 22/05/2022 19:29

The issue here is not a one off night of prosecco. Your partner is ignorant and thoughtless, at best. At worst he is a nasty controlling arsehole. Has he form? Sadly, abusive behaviour can be triggered or can escalate during pregnancy. I am really sorry op. Not what you want to hear.

I would consider getting yourself away from him at least in the short term so you can have the space to really think about his behaviour and how you want to proceed.

iloveautumn3 · 22/05/2022 19:33

I didn't drink for months ate well and looked after myself before pregnancy. My second born has all sorts of health problems. You never know what's going to happen.

ATadConfused · 22/05/2022 19:34

I'm glad you're feeling a little reassured!

it's so very very common not to find out you're pregnant early on, despite many testing while the sheets are still warm!! Most women drink at sometime before finding out. A one off & bladdered every weekend are two different things, and even do it's highly unlikely to cause an issue unless there's an element of alcohol dependency.

That aside, you really really need to think very carefully about your 'D'P. He wants you to have a termination. Either he's looking for any excuse as he doesn't want a baby (at least not right now) or he's incredibly cruel or incredibly stupid. If he was genuinely worried about this, cared about YOU & wanted the baby, he'd had done some research & even if he had found some worrying information discussed it gently with you, not said what he did, the way he did. I know it's hard to hear, but he's not one of the good ones.

I'm assuming there must be some truth in what DP is saying otherwise he wouldn't be saying it?

I'm sure you'd have said if he was a Dr??

Think about why a bloke, who isn't a specialist in this field would say this. Then think about why the hell you're with someone so unkind, stupid & nasty.

Also think about what he wants you to do & why. I feel he wants a termination anyway, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt for 5 minutes. He wants you to terminate a foetus that he (supposedly) thinks might be 'less intelligent'. How do you think he's going to be as a long term partner & Dad if your child does have any (unrelated to this) issues?? Or if you do??? He doesn't exactly sound like he will be there for you, does he?!?!

Go to your Mums tonight, but don't be surprised if she sides with him. Unfortunately a lot of our nearest & dearest just want us to be in relationships whether they are good for us or not.

think carefully!

congratulations on your baby!! 🌸😍

Oldfilmsareshit · 22/05/2022 19:42

I drank two bottles of wine and a cocktail night before I found out I was pregnant. He’s now top of the class despite being the youngest

kiwiandcherries · 22/05/2022 19:46

I didn't know I was pregnant for a long time and had a few nights of drinking at events, not usually a big drinker either. All was fine and I was reassured by midwives that you have to consistently drink quite a lot of alcohol to really worry about causing harm to the baby.

Narikk333 · 22/05/2022 19:47

You’ll be fine OP - I did the same before I knew I was pregnant with DD2 and everything was absolutely fine. As long as it’s a one off, I sorely doubt there’ll be any damage. Please don’t beat yourself up over this!!

HardRockOwl · 22/05/2022 19:49

Your partner is the one who appears to be suffering with an intellect problem. Is he normally so thick?

You'll be fine and baby will be fine. Whether your relationship with this idiot will be fine is another matter

Katela18 · 22/05/2022 19:50

Is your DP an obstetrician? If not - ignore him he is talking out of his arse and I'd be questioning why he's behaving that way rather than supporting you at this time.

When I was 18, one of my friends went through her whole pregnancy without knowing until baby was actually born (she was hospitalised thinking she had appendicitis). We went out regularly and although we weren't huge drinkers she'd definitely drank a fair amount over the space of her pregnancy. She now has a lovely 10 year old with no issues. Obviously this is an extreme and rare example and you should definitely get in touch with your health care provider, be honest with them and share your worries as they are best placed to advise. But my point is please don't be thinking you have caused serious damage to your baby as its probably way more common than you think.

dancinginthesunliteee · 22/05/2022 19:57

Op with my first I was on holiday and came home then found out about 6 weeks later I was nearly 12 weeks also
I don't actually remember the last night of my holiday with DH!!!! He was perfectly fine

With my second - was DS christening. I was on champagne all night then a week later I found out I was having DD

Wouldn't mind I never ever drink!!!! - those 2 times I actually drank I was Pregnant so Sod's law for me !!! But all was prefect and healthy! Little shits now though haha

Ignore your partner he's horrible for saying that to you!!!

bluespottyladybird · 22/05/2022 20:01

I found out at 9 weeks pregnant in the January, I'd had my works Christmas night out in the December only a couple of weeks before and got the drunkest I've ever been. I felt absolutely terrible and was so worried but I needn't have been, DD was perfectly healthy and thriving and is now one of the cleverest two year olds I've ever came across.
Your DP was likely scared but that doesn't give him a right to make comments like that.

DogsAndGin · 23/05/2022 16:30

OP did you know, even the babies of alcoholic women, have a very, very low chance of being born with any affects from the alcohol?

5% of the babies born to an alcoholic mother (who drinks heavily, daily, throughout entire pregnancy) end up with Foetal Alcohol Syndrome. 5%!

You are not an alcoholic, and have had a tiny amount of alcohol, in comparison. Enjoy your pregnancy, and tell your OH to put a sock in it!

tobi21 · 23/05/2022 19:48

I actually didn't find out I was pregnant until 30 weeks!! I'm mid 20s and drank fairly regularly. After finding out I obviously didn't drink again, + after torturing myself the remaining 10 weeks, convinced my baby would have things severely wrong, I had a healthy beautiful baby boy who is now nearly 10 months and thriving.

Don't feel guilty, you didn't know! The fact you have emotion about it shows you will be a brilliant mum There is an extremely low chance it will have affected baby, and your DPs reaction is horrid.

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