Visitors After Birth

[BabyCIncoming]

Evening all!

I wanted some opinions on having visitors after birth. I am a big worrier and concerned about my newborn getting sick if there are visitors after birth what with the risk of covid, cold sores, colds etc.

I obviously want people to meet my little one and don’t want to offend but want to approach it in the best way possible.

what are you plans on visitors?

x

The day DD1 came home from hospital (less than 24hrs old) there were 8 extra people and a dog in the house to greet her. DD2 came home to just us as I had COVID & we were isolating. Both babies had colds in their first week, both were fine.

If you want to see people, see them. Get them to wash their hands before they hold the baby. Germs are a part of life and there is nothing as beautiful and special as sharing your precious new baby with the people who love you.

My baby is 5 weeks old and I was very worried about covid in particular when he came home. I had family come to visit initially but they then tested positive for covid so I didn’t have them round for a few weeks until they had a negative test - I just didn’t want to take the risk with baby being so young.

I’m sure people wouldn’t be offended if you asked them to test beforehand, washed hands before holding baby, made sure they didn’t have colds etc. as that’s the last thing you need with a newborn.

We had a stream of visitors as soon as we got home (this is pre covid but I'd do the same now). People held the baby but I do not recall anyone kissing him.
Frankly it was nice to have the company snd show him off. Babies are pretty dull. I had a section but was fine (we went out to a restaurant the next day).
But only do what you feel comfortable with - say you will let people know when it's ok to visit (I mean we invited people, they didn't just show up, even my parents)!

I think it’s fair enough to say, ‘wash you hands, and don’t kiss the baby’.

I’ve got friends who didn’t even announce the birth until a week later - not even to their family, as they wanted privacy. Perfectly acceptable and we’ve told our family to expect the same.

I had people visit in hospital within a few hours of DD being born, then next day when home had 1 group of people visit pretty much every day for a couple of weeks, i loved it.

I would wait until you've given birth anf see how you feel 😊 everyone is different, for us once we were home the thought og spending 24hours a day just the 3 of us seemed pretty boring as we never do that, a visit for an hour each day helped to break it up. We were also back out for pub lunches and dinner by the 2nd week with friends as usual

Watching with interest as I'm giving birth soon and we have both sets of Parents coming to stay.

A bit worried.

God, having them to stay would be a hard no after giving birth! 😱

I wouldn't have anyone to stay, family or not
Hotel for sure.
Like pp have said do what you want and what feels right
We are having a couple of days to ourselves and then will see how we go
Be in our bubble for at least 2-3 days i should imagine
Ask people to test and clean hands before and don't come with a cold !
But you can't wrap them in cotton wool in my opinion but you can be as safe as possible
Limit children if you can I would say but most my friends don't have little ones
There's no rules other than trust your gut and do what feels right
I'm looking forward to seeing people and showing off baby and being able to have a hot cuppa tea or coffee whilst someone holds the baby! X

Honestly let everyone come the first day if you're home and well enough. Have a slow stream for the next week then most people won't bother after that.

Get it out the way.

Thank you all for your responses. I think I’m just worrying too much especially after reading horror stories re. Cold sores and stuff.

Oh really @Regenbogen22 @strawberrysummer19 do you reckon it will still be awful if we have a big 6 bed house?
I feel panicky now as husband suggested it and I went along with it and all the flights have been booked now so no going back.
I can get tired of people but I presumed people will do their own thing too (visit botanical gardens, go for walks on their own etc.?)
Feel like asking them to change their flight to shorter stay but obv feels very rude of me :(

@laurenGame how long are they coming for? And how comfortable do you feel with them being around when you’ve just given birth? I agree with the others - I couldn’t think of anything worse than having people to stay!

@BabyCIncoming Definitely ask people to wash their hands and have a ‘no kissing the baby’ rule. I gave birth to my first during covid too and also asked people to test before coming. We were home from hospital about 3pm (baby had been born at 3am). I invited my parents and siblings and DHs parents and siblings all pop in that afternoon/evening to meet baby, then asked everyone to give us a few days just to get settled as a family. I’d definitely aim to do the same again if we have another. I was exhausted anyway so one final bit of effort, let them all have their quick cuddle, then a few days just me, DH and baby to be able to rest, get to grips with feeding etc 😊

@laurenGame at least you have room for everyone , not that people are sleeping in the living room or wherever! So that's good.

But I wouldn't assume that they will be doing their own thing most of the time, unless you have experience of them staying over. I think you need to set out some ground rules before they come - they need to entertain themselves a lot of the time, you won't just be sitting round with all of them every minute of the day, etc. Depends also on how long they're staying?

Personally no matter how big my house I would want my own space, privacy at first. Who knows how the birth goes, who knows how I will feel afterwards? Maybe I want to sit around topless all day because of feeding, maybe I'm in pain and leaking and don't want to display all that.

There is also the question of feeding 6 adults for however long they are staying!! You should sort that out now - it won't be a time for you to be "hosting" and cooking for 6 every day. Three meals a day!

No way I could/would do it.

@laurenGame sorry, wanted to add that you should always feel like you can leave with the baby and disappear to your room for however long you want. Or stay in bed all day and they should know to respect your privacy. As I said, you are the one with experience of them and you know if they will respect that.

You're the Mama, don't be afraid to speak out and stand up for what you want at any time.

@RandomName130 @Regenbogen22 I'm scared to write this but they're all staying for 2 weeks. 😬

They've all said they're not there to be entertained but to help with the baby, to clean and to cook for us. We love overseas so no family nearby so it's the only chance for them to see the baby until they're off again. Absolutely no way I'd be cooking a single meal and don't think anyone would let me.

I spoke with my husband now as am getting worried he said they will all have rental cars so will also be doing their own thing.

@laurenGame are you being induced or having a C-section? You said they'd already booked tickets, so presumably you all know when the baby is arriving? Not that they've booked to come over on the due date, you go 2 weeks over and they miss everything! 😂

@Regenbogen22 then they'd change their flights to stay longer as they'd have to meet the baby 🙈
But I am getting induced so we know when the baby is coming

@laurenGame are they coming straight after your induction? Be aware that it can take a while, some people could be in hospital for a week with induction if it’s not progressing.

I would make sure they know and understand that you won’t be playing host, they need to be self sufficient and stay out of the way as much as possible when you need privacy and quiet time. The right type of visitors could be a godsend if they cook and clean for you and you’re comfortable lounging in your pyjamas around them. But the wrong type, those that expect to be treated as guests, can be a nightmare.

Hi OP with my first we thought we'd let everyone do what they wanted so welcomed visitors whenever they liked. I didn't realize people would not think we needed any space, time etc. It was waaaay to much for me and people's expectations on hospitality didn't seem to change despite having a baby! I'm pregnant now and plan is to not have any visitors for two weeks!! It's going to be hard and awkward but I'm not repeating last time! (I think it really affect me trying to breastfeed too.)

I had a baby 3 weeks ago and my husband is currently isolating in another room due to covid. One of our visitors passed it on last week.
only my parents and his parents visited our baby when we came home. We then waited a week for our siblings to visit. I asked everyone to have a negative lateral flow before they came over and asked if they were feeling unwell to please stay away. Everyone washed their hands and no one kissed our baby. Might seem over the top but it made me feel better, j suffer with major health anxiety. Even with every precaution possible, one of us is sick and it’s not falling on me to care for the baby, run the household and make sure dh is okay.
What I did notice is at first I really didn’t want any visitors. Having our parents over was already so tiring.
Do what feels right for you. There is no pressure or judgement. If you invite people over and then change your mind then it’s okay tk cancel. If you have people over and it feels like too much then politely ask them to leave.

Your baby, your house, your rules. If people want to come and see your baby then I'm sure they'll wash their hands and not kiss baby if you ask. My friend posted a link on Facebook to the cold sore thing and asked people not to kiss baby when she arrived. No one was offended.

Also if you don't want visitors at all then say so. It's perfectly understandable to want a bit of time to yourselves.

@laurenGame

Totally up to you really. Don't let anyone put you off or sway you but having 6 bed and lots of space I guess is helpful

For me the issue would be the feeling of having to entertain - family or not but then I guess that depends how your family are. When we stay at my mother in laws it's lovely and chilled and although she cooks for us and we get looked after we also take turns to clean up, wash up and make a cuppa when we want etc
It's home from home

How long are they staying?

Don't need to change flights but they can still book a hotel !! Just feel if that was me I wouldn't want to impose on anyone who's just had a baby

But I think it depends how close you are so only you can make that call and it depends how long
3 days at would be my maximum but as I say I wouldn't really want anyone staying
You just don't know how you are going to feel

I had baby blues and was depressed with ny first
Probably PND when I think about it but 11 yrs ago and it didn't seem widely talked about
And I was a new first time mum - it hit me hard
My immediate family visited me a day after (invited and much wanted ) and I couldn't wait for them to leave just wanted to recover and relax x

Watching this thread with much interest! I am being induced at the start of next month. In the 6 weeks after birth, we have 3 different cohorts of my husband's family flying in to meeting the baby. The first lot is his sister who I know will be so helpful and won't expect any entertaining... BUT is arriving in those first few days I get home from hospital so I've mixed feelings.

The 3rd cohort includes 2 adults, 3 kids and 2 dogs (driving over on ferry, not flying) and are "excited about coming on holidays". No mention of newborn baby 😳.

We've always been the ones to do the travel to visit family so yeah, it's great they're coming to us for a change and so important for them to meeting the baby.... But I think I will struggle not to feel the pressure of being host.

I've spent most of this last weekend making quiches and cakes and casseroles for the freezer ahead of their visits.

Anyone go through with such visitors and it's not been an f-ing nightmare? I feel I've not much say in this so just going with it!

We didn't tell anyone our due date so they didn't know when to expect baby to arrive. After a long tricky labour hubby was kicked off the ward, he took the camera with the only photos on to his parents on his way home for a nap. I hadn't even seen these photos yet and coz I was being stitched up I missed all the first weighing and dressing etc. Which is what these photos were of. We'd already told them we wouldn't want any visitors in hospital. As it turned out I really didn't want any visitors in hospital. I was tired, sore and struggling to establish breast feeding so sat around without a top on properly most of the time witha screaming baby clutched to my chest. My in laws are the kind of people who have all the best ideas, I wasn't really in the mood for that. Then hubbies phone rang. It was his parents in the hospital car park asking where was best to park and what ward were we on. He told them we weren't having visitors and hung up. I could hear their disappointment and asked him to ring then back but tell them they had to meet him at the ward entrance so he could control them coming into our bay. Five minutes later we hear their voices coming down the corridor, I'm in my trying to feed position and don't really fancy exposing myself to my father in law. Hubby goes out to meet them and try and divert them or at least explain why I might not want them in. They look in for a few minutes. But it turned out that set the precedent for the early months, where they would call in anytime they chose. Including one time when we were haiku playing in the garden and so they joined us out there. I took baby in for a bottle and nap as it was that time of day for him. They left while we were inside and then sent a rude message to hubby asking what she'd done wrong so that she didn't get to hold her grandson.