Visitors After Birth

[BabyCIncoming]

Evening all!

I wanted some opinions on having visitors after birth. I am a big worrier and concerned about my newborn getting sick if there are visitors after birth what with the risk of covid, cold sores, colds etc.

I obviously want people to meet my little one and don’t want to offend but want to approach it in the best way possible.

what are you plans on visitors?

x

@Journeylikenomother our situations are v similar! although I'd be FUMING at the holiday comment! They're there to HELP with the baby.
Kids and dogs would piss me off too as it's unnecessary noise.

I feel okay now about the visitors as it's close family and im planning to pan the baby off to them whenever I need a nap.

Im also quite outspoken so if I want to hold the baby all day that day and no one touch him, I'll say so. I'll be unapologetic of my hormones and feelings during the visits (although I am fair. Firm but fair ).

@laurenGame I think I need to take a leaf out of your book and be firm!

I'm really hoping weather will be good so outdoor activities and BBQs will keep the house quiet (and clean).

So interested in this thread, interesting to hear that it's a good idea to get it out of the way!!

I've said to my parents (who live about 3-4 hours away) multiple times that we don't want them to visit until we say they can and that may be a few days or even a couple of weeks after the birth. They are NOT happy AT ALL. I'm an only child and I think they see this as their only grandchild and so are excited, but equally I have to put myself and baby first.

It started when my mum announced to me over the phone that as soon as I was in labour she'd be in the car on her way... I said instantly, "No, you won't, and if you do you won't be coming in the house!". I tried to make a bit of a joke about it but she wasn't impressed. I explained as we're having a home birth I need space and privacy to protect my birth environment, so it wouldn't be ok. She clearly didn't get it but has now moved to saying they'll come as soon as baby arrives. This sounds terrible, but I don't particularly enjoy spending time with my parents, they need waiting on when they visit and they argue about EVERYTHING and insist they know best... I just don't want to deal with that when I'm learning how to take care of a baby and recover. They apparently had 12 people around the day I was born and it was fine, and my mum insists she wants to "make sure her baby is ok". I've held the line but they've not accepted it, just said why we're wrong for wanting to be alone.

My husbands parents are down the road and have been told the same message, they're an absolute dream and are fine with it, they are even happy for my parents to stay with them whenever the time comes. Friends and extended family (even some who are flying over from the US for a badly timed holiday) are also fine with not meeting the baby if the timing isn't right as they understand we will want some time to adjust... it's less so about the germs and more about risk to wellbeing more generally for us, but either way everyone has been understanding except my parents. My dad has also warned me my mum plans to come visit for 1-2 weeks and will sleep on the kitchen floor if needed... apparently there's no way I can stop her! 😰

I'm at a loss as to what else to do, other than back up our conversations in writing and say something like, "Thanks for understanding" at the end. If they do turn up, we'll have the doors locked and not answer! I just think I'll be dreading seeing them, it's like a massive black cloud hanging over everything!

Sorry for the long message and hijacking somewhat, but honestly it's so incredibly stressful... I'm 37+3 at the moment and this is definitely not helpful for encouraging oxytocin production!

@MrsTrue let her know that this situation is showing what an utter lack of respect she has for you as her only child, and if she cannot learn to respect your wishes in this important time, it will have a serious impact on her future relationship with you and her grandchild.

Absolutely write all this down and send it to her, email, message, letter whatever.

And obviously, obviously don't tell her when you go into labour.

It’ll be fine! I had my parents stay with us for a week after DD was born, it was great to have the extra help :)

Both of us have family roughly the same distance away (they live about an hour from each other and are 3-4 hours on a train from us) and we've said we'll probably need time. I'm quite a private person, and when I'm ill, tired, or overwhelmed, the last thing I'll want is an audience, even if they're helpful. In fact, I may find their help stressful. I'd rather we puzzle it out by ourselves for a bit before inviting family.

I'm also mindful of the issue of fairness - my mum is single and won't be able to afford to stay in a hotel, which means she'll be with us. I love her to bits but our relationship isn't such that she can come for a long period of time without me losing my mind, and that's in ordinary circumstances! His parents are more stable financially and probably would stay in a hotel if we asked, but it'll need to be around the same time as my mum so nobody feels super left out or less important. It basically all adds up to us waiting a bit before we can handle it.

If it were totally up to me, I'd give it a month and then we'd do a tour with baby! When we go up to them we usually see both our families at the same time, including my sis who lives in the same city as my mum, and my partner's uncle and close family friends. Maybe travelling with a newborn isn't fun, and it's highly likely I won't be up to it at all... but I can dream. 😂I much prefer the idea of being a guest in their homes at this time, rather than having them in mine!

Totally individual. We had parents come to hospital next day. Siblings/close friends visited over the next week or so. After that it was more if I was seeing people rather than a official visit. We had people anti bac their hands and don't t remember anyone kissing him so young.