Anxiety in pregnancy after loss

[Presently83]

Hi all,

I'm 5+3 today, finally getting my BFP 6 months after a hideous MC at 11wks on holiday in October where I had to spend four days in a Spanish hospital alone.

I'm very cautiously optimistic because I'm still fairly traumatised by the whole thing, and I'm finding myself extremely anxious this time around. Today my boobs feel like they've stopped hurting completely and I'm panicking. I know symptoms can come and go but it was really reassuring that they hurt and how I have nothing to convince me I'm still pregnant.

I'm having HCG tests - one today another on Monday so I guess will know more (for now at least) later this afternoon / Monday but just wondering if anyone has any advice about dealing with the horrible anxiety of pregnancy after loss. I'm a nervous wreck!

I'm 25 weeks and honestly my anxiety only reduced after my 20 week scan. It's so hard but you have to try to stay as busy and distracted as possible. I do hope your tests show that everything is ok.

@Cakecakecheese it's just so hard, isn't it? Did you have an issue with symptoms coming and going early on? I still feel very tired but not really nauseous so I can't tell if that's stopped.

My third pregnancy was tarnished after going through two losses.
Tbh I didn't feel settled until about 25 weeks.
My MW was amazing and I rang her a lot, she got me in to check over etc a lot more than she should.

My symptoms were on and off until 7 weeks then they disappeared.

I also want to add, tell them about your anxiety at book in app. It'll be put on your notes, and it came in so handy for me during labour

Just to echo others really and say I know exactly how you feel - pregancy after loss is really hard and so sending lots of hugs your way. I agree with others tell your midwife how you feel as in my experience they are really good and will
go over and above to put your mind at rest with extra checks etc. it’s good you are getting HCG checks and maybe you could consider an early scan? - but do try and wait until at least 7 weeks

@Presently83 so sorry to hear all you went through that's so traumatic.

I have got my bfp today, first cycle trying again after mmc at 11 weeks earlier this year.

I have a 5 year old and that pregnancy went so smoothly. I'm so anxious already and I'm obviously over the moon but I don't feel happy or excited I'm just braving myself.

With my mmc I had downloaded every app going and signed up at loads of baby places. Having to then unsubscribe was awful and even though unsubscribing I still get the odd 'you're this far along' email.
I was on a due group on here too which I'm avoiding this time.

I'm not forward thinking at all (trying not to anyway) but I'm due mid January, when are you due?

@HolyMoly22 please can I ask- how did being anxious on your notes help your labour? I'm asking as I spoke to my Drs today who noted down I'm feeling anxious.

To my knowledge at the time they were just helping me get him out (episiotomy and forceps)

Found out later on his cord was wrapped round his neck, heart rate declining and not coming back up.
The room was like a blood bath they got him out so quick! But being my first I had just thought all of this was normal.

I asked my MW after how they were so calm and she said it's in your notes you have anxiety so we didn't want to panic you at the very last stage and get him out as quickly and safely as possible.

I'm so pleased I had no clue why they acted so quick tbh I would have been screaming.

I've since NC, I change every so often haha

@HSKAT sounds scary.
Thank you for sharing.

@Presently83

So sorry to hear about your anxiety. There is a post on here called navigating pregnancy after loss 2 - come and join us. Everyone is in the same boat and extremely supportive xx

Thanks all,

HCG results yesterday came back fine for now. Another one on Monday. So I'm just hoping everything continues doubling as it should.

Yeah I'll be getting some early scans for sure, even though last time I had one at 7wks and there was a heartbeat and it didn't seem to matter.

I'm 5+4 so due very beginning of Jan 🤞 but just too nervous to join any MN groups for birth or pregnancy yet for fear of having to leave them. Having to unsubscribe from apps last time was brutal as you say!

Trying to do all the right things without getting too emotionally attached too soon, but I do feel a MC this time around might not be quite so hard (who knows) because this time I'm prepared for it to happen and know what it entails. The shock last time was the worst bit as I was so convinced everything was fine.

I keep thinking 'I'll relax at the 12wk scan' but god knows if I actually will.

This is so, so hard x

I just wanted to add to this thread - I'm 5 weeks today. Trying for DC#1. Previously I've had one chemical pregnancy and two MMCs. Both MMCs the scan showed that the baby stopped developing at around 6 weeks.

This time I am on progesterone and high strength Folic acid and a gluten free diet, as of all the tests they did, gluten was the only inflammatory marker they found.

So I know that logically I have a better chance this time, but I am so anxious. I have experienced fatigue and sore breasts, and occasional nausea last week but overall I don't feel much different than usual.

I feel like I'm not being fair to this baby because I'm trying to be hopeful and excited, but I'm just so worried and scared. The thought of having another scan brings me out in goosebumps.

All this is really just to say that I understand your distress @Presently83 and I will be keeping all things crossed for us both to have healthy, happy pregnancies.

Thank you for sharing your story. It made me feel a bit less alone. Xxxx

@Hana89 I'm so sorry for all your losses and sending so much love and crossing my fingers for both of us this time around. Where did you get tested for gluten issues in pregnancy?

My HCG levels on Friday didn't quite double in 72 hours, which the doctor didn't seem overly concerned about but I obviously am. Had more taken this morning, 72 hours later, so crossing everything that it's still going up but I just have a bad feeling about things.

The doctor has me on baby aspirin and now clexane just in case, and wants to do immunology testing, but seems to think my progesterone levels are fine for now. I'll get the HCG results from today this afternoon so will see what they say. If all looks ok I'll begin scans weekly, from later this week.

I hate how anxious I'm feeling and how I didn't feel half this anxious the first time I was pregnant before it ended in tears.

Not too much to add but wanted to share something I had gone through. Lost two babies about 8/9 week mark.

With my last pregnancy as I got closer to 8 weeks my anxiety was through the roof. My midwife called to book my booking appointment and I said no as I just couldn't face doing another booking appointment and losing a baby straight after. So we delayed my booking in appointment till week 10.

So at week 8 my sickness got better and I assumed the worst. Booked a scan and I was further along so closer to 10 weeks so good news.

I have to admit to being a bag of nerves until getting past 20 weeks.

When my son did arrive following an emergency cs - we cried with utter relief.

So for now - keep busy and it's very normal to be nervous

@Presently83 Thank you and I am so sorry for your loss too.💜

I am sure your HCG will be okay - they do say that the rise is not always smooth but can do sudden jumps i.e. sometimes it doubles, sometimes it barely increases, and sometime it does a massive jump! It is great that your progesterone levels are spot on and that is something to feel good about for sure. I don't know much about clexane but I'll look it up now so that I can understand. Aspirin I know can do wonders ☺️ I am sending so many positive vibrations to you! 🍀💖

With the gluten thing, I had a series of tests at the Manchester Recurrent Miscarriage clinic looking for antibodies that might be causing issues for the embryos, blood clotting problems, inflammatory issues, and of all the 7 vials of blood, two vials of urine, and internal swabs they took (it was not the most fun day! Haha!) the only slight marker was for celiac disease (gluten intolerance) and even that was only borderline. I was so grateful for the care that they took, and thankful that there is nothing serious, but it does leave you wondering what on earth the problem is! I cut out gluten just in case because I read about that potentially helping other ladies who had recurrent loss with no clear cause, it is worth a try!

I was thinking about my first pregnancy the other day too - how I was just over the moon it had finally happened after a year of trying and I had no worries about it at all.
Although we can't ever have that innocent optimism back, I think women who have suffered loss do have something equally special in that when things go well (and I believe they will go well) we have perhaps a deeper understanding of how profoundly lucky we are. Xx

@welshladywhois40 I'm sorry for your losses but the story of your son does give me hope and I really appreciate you sharing your story.

Thanks @Hana89 - I think you're right about babies after loss being more special, I just want to get there!

I'm doom-spiralling today waiting for the call with the results and convinced my boobs have stopped hurting which is making me really emotional. I have no patience at the best of times but this is impossibly hard.

Clexane is basically an aspirin-like blood thinning injectable, which can't do any harm if you don't need it so it's precautionary, but can help with sticky blood which can cause miscarriage too.

It's the due date for my MMC pregnancy this weekend so I'm dreading getting bad news just in time for that horrible milestone. I have a big work weekend too so really don't want to be a sobbing mess.

@welshladywhois40 I'm so sorry for your losses but thrilled things worked out for you in the end 🌈 thanks for your encouraging words.

@Presently83 The doom spiral is such a b! Have you got a busy day today? If not maybe you could try getting out of the house/office for a bit and see if a change of scenery can lift your mood. I've just popped into town myself for the same reason and it is helping a bit, being around other people with their own cares and worries. It makes mine feel more to scale. I had a call with one of the nurses at the Recurrent Miscarriage clinic this morning and she was very nice, but talking about the prospect of a scan and then the next steps depending on what that reveals... 🤢 Luckily they seem very used to dealing with particularly anxious moments and navigating them.

I'm so sorry you've got that difficult date coming up at such a vulnerable time. I'll be thinking of you this weekend and keeping little bean in my thoughts too 🌈🤞

Not good news. HCG has barely gone up in 3 days. 1809 to 2330. So they're going to do a scan to make sure it's not ectopic and then just wait and see I guess. I'm devastated.

@Presently83 Oh my dear - I am so sorry you are going through this. Thank you for taking the time to let us know. Do you have to wait long for the scan? I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best xx

@Hana89 Had the scan this morning. They don't think it's ectopic, found the gestational sac in the uterus but too small for 6wks. She said I could have my dates wrong but that combined with slow-rising HCG levels is not good. She said 10% of pregnancies with slow-rising HCG are ok, but it's rare.

Sigh. Not the best news for a bad weekend!

@Presently83 It is good news that it is not an ectopic pregnancy, for your health as much as anything, and in these difficult times we can forget about ourselves while we are so worried about other things. I am so sorry it wasn't better news overall for you, but I do hope that you are in that lucky 10%.
Is there any chance you can get out of your work commitments this weekend and take some time for yourself? Whatever happens, me and the rest of the MumsNet community is here for you. Take good care of yourself this weekend xx

@Hana89 thank you - its rubbish but I'll be ok. And hopefully the next time will end more positively and properly after the full nine months! (And that next time will happen soon!)

I can't get out of this weekend (it's my business and it's a massive project) but I think it will be good for me to stay busy and not just lie around moping (which I am DEFINITELY doing today).

Thanks for your support and sending love and luck to you xx

@Presently83 I'm so so sorry to hear this.

What's the next step, do you have the pain of waiting for another scan.

Massive hugs.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
I had a MMC at 15 weeks.
Next pregnancy had slow growing HCG, and ended in miscarriage.
Next pregnancy, I gave birth to healthy twins.
So hang in there! I wish you all the best.

Thank you for this story of hope @Apollonia1! Did you have any fertility treatment for the twins or were they natural?

I'm panicking waiting for the miscarriage to happen, i have no idea when that will be and I just want it over with now. And I'm wondering if we should just jump straight to ivf to have slightly more control (ish) over this process.

I'm so tired of it all 😢