Pregnant but feeling very down and hopeless

[Jane0512]

Hello,

I am very new to this and haven't posted before but was looking for some reassurance or advice through the community.

I am pregnant, 9+4, first child. The pregnancy was planned and initially we were both really excited about the prospect.

Unfortunately I have been really ill, nauseous 24/7, blurred vision, dehydrated. I have been unable to leave the house, get out of bed, work, even having a shower has felt an impossible task. This has been since 5 weeks. I am rarely sick but the nausea is constant, the GP has tried me on 3 different anti sickness medications and the most recent takes the edge off but it is impossible to lead a normal life.

I have got to the point where I feel completely hopeless, I don't want to communicate with anyone, I just lie in bed staring at the wall most days. I have to force myself to eat, drink, get out of bed. I have reached out to my GP who has arranged for a conversation with the mental health specialist at the practice.

I haven't ever felt like this before, I have suffered from anxiety but never depression. I feel unfortunately that I am suffering with that now.

It has really made me question my ability as a mum to be, I feel no connection to the pregnancy and unfortunately see it as the source of all my current issues. Before this I was very happy and had no significant problems. I don't want to appear ungrateful as I do suffer with PCOS so being able to get pregnant is of course great but the pregnancy has made me regret the decision to become a mum 😞

I wondered if anyone had experienced these types of feelings towards a planned pregnancy or experienced depression in pregnancy?

I hope I haven't offended anyone with the details of this post.

Oh gsh this sounds horrendous. You are absolutely not alone. Have a look at this thread. www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/4514492-Hyperemesis-Support

Thank you @Cakecakecheese

I totally get it. It took us ages to get pregnant and we were told we would need ivf so I expecting to have a wonderful pregnancy but its not been the case.
I had terrible nausea from 7 to 14 weeks. Then I had a bad experience in antenatal clinic then a bad experience with my screening results then gender disappointment. I have no bond with this baby whatsoever and feel like I've made a massive mistake.
However im 17 weeks tomorrow and my mood seems to be starting to lift. I had a really positive private scan today and hopefully if my nipt results are good next week then I can start feeling less anxious and detached. My midwife offered to refer me to the perinatal mental health midwife so it might be worth speaking to yours and seeing if there is something like that available. Theres always an option on antidepressants as well if there's no improvement.
I had antenatal depression in my first pregnancy which ended up turning into really bad post natal depression so my advice would be to have a low threshold for seeking support.

I went through a period of very low mood and hopelessness towards the end of the first trimester in 2 out of 3 of my planned pregnancies! It passed. Its a good idea to speak to someone but remember that pregnancy is a big deal with lots of hormones and these moments of despondency and uncertainty can be normal (but do need to be monitored). I really wanted to have another baby when we TTC our 3rd but as soon as I got pregnant, all I could see was problems! I love my kids and think I'm a good mum so it didn't predict my skills in those areas.

Oh and with those 2 babies, I felt worried that I wouldn't love them when they arrived. I needn't have worried.

I had a similar experience but didn’t try anti sickness meds until the last trimester. Sickness started week 6 for me. I had a few months in the middle of pregnancy that were sickness free but it came back at the end of the third trimester. The only way I could get on with my day was to take one anti sickness tablet at 2am. This seemed to reduce the sickness for me but not make me feel like a zombie (which the meds made me feel like if I took them as per instruction) but it just took the edge off for the day so I could work from home. It’s so surprising how it all just immediately stops as soon as you give birth.

i was pregnant in 2020 and MISERABLE
from the start i had breathing difficulties which Dr couldnt get to the bottom of, and severe nausea
the nausea seemed never ending, but im pretty sure after 25 weeks it was better? Im sure thats not what you want to hear , but it DOES end.
DC is wonderful and even though i promised myself theres no way id do it again, i look at the little face and think another one?

I could have written your post - it’s absolutely the worst part of pregnancy for most people but it does end for most people after 12-16 weeks.

no need to question your abilities as a mum. You’re feeling low and self critical but early sickness and mum prowess are unrelated.

Thank you for all the replies so far. I am currently in bed reading them through and the reassurance is really appreciated. I didn't expect such kindness ❤️

I had my first midwife appointment today, which it was very challenging to be honest during, she said she would speak to her superior about options for me but the criteria is very strict in getting extra mental health support.

I am also trying really hard to challenge my thoughts at the moment and be as logical as possible but it feels very difficult.

I am lucky to have a very supportive partner, family and this community 🥲

In case that reassures you: I didn't feel particularly 'connected' to either of my DC during pregnancy and generally disliked being pregnant. I still bonded perfectly well with both babies as soon as they were born. All the best OP!