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Original poster

Would you go on a hen do abroad at 8 weeks pregnant?

26 replies

Nellynoo182 · 30/04/2022 08:52

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice please!

It is my friends hen do in 2 weeks time in Malta for two nights. It will be a boozy affair with about 14 ladies who are all big drinkers.

We haven’t told anyone in the group of hens that we are expecting yet & plan to wait until 12 weeks as usual so if I go I would have to use the old ‘I’m on tablets’ excuse as obviously, I won’t be able to drink. The girls would 2000% guess I was pregnant from this but they would be sensitive enough not to say anything and respect we obviously weren’t at a ~safe~ time to announce it yet and a few girls are mommas themselves.

The only problem is I am suffering with nausea and fatigue so I’m not sure how much social battery I’ve got to go on the hen do and still contribute much in terms of fun. I defo don’t want to be a Debbie Downer and I also don’t want to go and feel awful all the time, but I also don’t want to just be a hermit and not do anything while pregnant! Would you go? If you were the bride would you rather I didn’t come? Would it seem miserable of me to go and take a rest in the room and leave early on evenings as and when needed?

The bride is lovely and I am considering telling her if I do go (and telling the others on tablets) so she is aware & doesn’t think I’m being miserable but I can’t work out if I would be just killing the vibe if I was to go… and she is certainly too lovely to tell me to do anything other than what I would like to do.

Appreciate any advice or insight you can give please! Xxx

OP posts:
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girlmom21 · 30/04/2022 08:54

I wouldn't fly in the first trimester.

In fact, I wouldn't fly at all when pregnant unless it was unavoidable.

Original poster
Nellynoo182 · 30/04/2022 08:54

Sorry to clarify - I meant I would potentially tell the bride I was expecting & ask her to keep this private but tell the other hens I was on tablets & unable to drink.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nellynoo182 · 30/04/2022 08:54

Thanks for sharing this! Any explanation as to why? First time pregnancy here so everything is new. Xx

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/04/2022 08:54

I’d go. Tell the bride

Cakequeen1988 · 30/04/2022 08:58

I’d go. explaining in private to the bride, I am sure she will just be thrilled you are there for the bits you are comfortable joining and who wouldn’t want a nice sunny trip for a few days

there is literally no reason not to fly. Don’t listen to the scare mongering. There is no medical reason not to at all, enjoy your trip!

girlmom21 · 30/04/2022 08:59

My midwife told me not to fly during my first pregnancy.
There's no actual medical advice for it I don't think - and she was a bit of an arse - but it's made me paranoid!

Bilingualspingual · 30/04/2022 09:04

I know 12 weeks is standard but I was always of the opinion that if a friend was close enough to me that I would tell her any bad news (god forbid) then I’d feel comfortable telling her I was pregnant at 8 weeks, that I was feeling exhausted and sick and wouldn’t be able to drink, and see what she said. Sometimes going with the truth is easier than tying yourself up in knots.
But I do respect that you may very much not want to.

Pinkdelight3 · 30/04/2022 09:07

I wouldn't go. It sounds like the main point is getting pissed so what's the point?

SunshineAndFizz · 30/04/2022 09:07

Personally I wouldn't go. I'd tell the bride the truth and tell the others you're ill.

spotcheck · 30/04/2022 09:07

I wouldn't go if I knew I'd be tired, nauseous and watching everyone be drunk.
Also, I found loud music vibrated in a strange way in my abdomen with me when I was pregnant. It was really unpleasant

Original poster
Nellynoo182 · 30/04/2022 09:11

@Bilingualspingual Yes I totally agree with you on this one! We have told our family and I have told my two best friends who I’d want to support me through the good and the bad. The group of girls on the hen do & the bride are a different, newer friendship group and aren’t necessarily people I would tell until it was safe to but

the bride would absolutely keep it to herself if I was to tell her. Which I think I probably will if I feel well enough to go! Xxx

OP posts:
Bilingualspingual · 30/04/2022 09:14

Yes, I totally get that. I think a discreet text to the bride letting her know would be useful.
I wouldn’t go, just because if it’s a big heavy drinking holiday it would be so dull for you!

MrsSugar · 30/04/2022 09:14

Totally depends on how you are feeling.
i felt horrendous at 8 weeks pregnant and vomited constantly and eventually had hyperemesis so I couldn’t imagine anything worse to do. However some woman feel normal/good. As for the not drinking I’d just tell the bride n u could claim to not be feeling great or on new medication etc

NerrSnerr · 30/04/2022 09:15

If it's a close enough friend that you'd pay to go abroad on a hen do then I'd go and tell her you're pregnant. It's up to you if you tell the others. Don't lie about antibiotics or similar about why you're not drinking, I'd say you're considering having a baby soon so trying to be really healthy.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 30/04/2022 09:15

I wouldn't go to a hen do abroad, pregnant or not.

IMO it's an exorbitant waste of money.

However, if your medical advisor says it's OK that's fine.

PinkSyCo · 30/04/2022 09:26

What with the nausea, fatigue and not being able to drink, I very much doubt you’d enjoy yourself, and yes this would probably impact on the enjoyment of those around you, so I would be honest with your friend and politely decline the invite.

Twizbe · 30/04/2022 09:30

I went to a hen do at about 10 weeks pregnant.

I told the bride and maid of honour before hand so they knew I wouldn't be doing some of the activities.

As it turned out there were 4 of us pregnant at that hen lol 1 didn't know yet.

It was fine. I enjoyed myself with my non alcoholic drinks and eventually told the group as there were so many of us in the same boat.

I also flew at 7-9 weeks and all was fine and dandy. Take some extra water for the plane. I was travelling alone so I wore my baby on board badge which confused one cabin crew but got me lots of extra freebies and nice treatment. Amazing service from BA on the way home when our flight was delayed.

As for the drinking. Don't make any excuses. Have tonic water which looks like a cocktail. If they hand round wine take a glass, pretend to drink and then just carry it around. After a while no one will notice you're not drinking it.

I did this at a wedding where I didn't want anyone to know I was pregnant. I drove as well which helped.

clairemaddox · 30/04/2022 09:46

No. I would find it very important to avoid stress when pregnant and this sounds too stressful. I would also find my foetus the most important thing in my life and this would take my attention away.

Moonshine160 · 30/04/2022 09:47

I personally wouldn’t. If you’re 8 weeks when you go then the nausea, tiredness etc could be considerably worse in two weeks time. For me week 8 was the time I felt the worst.

I wouldn’t want to feel rough somewhere presumably hot surrounded by drunk people. But only you know how you feel.

ILikeCrapTelly · 30/04/2022 09:57

clairemaddox · 30/04/2022 09:46

No. I would find it very important to avoid stress when pregnant and this sounds too stressful. I would also find my foetus the most important thing in my life and this would take my attention away.

🤣 I'm assuming this is tongue in cheek?

OP if you're feeling well I would say go for it, and just join in with what you feel comfortable. I'm not one of those 'everything goes to shit when you have kids' types but the truth of the matter is that life does change, so if you can enjoy a couple of days away now with some friends before baby arrives, then enjoy 🙂

SquishyGloopyBum · 30/04/2022 09:57

I think go but if you needed an excuse not to, a positive covid test would be the easiest excuse.....

TheGirlWithTheGreyBunny · 30/04/2022 11:15

I’d go and tell them All!! I tell all
my friends when im pregnant as soon as I find out. They have kids them selfs and understand it’s early I’m not telling everyone yet. If the worst was to happen tbey would all support me in the way I’d hope they would and I would them. I’d tell them your only 8 weeks. Get an early scan before you go put your mind at ease that all is well. Iv flown loads in pregnancy and never had any issues. If your sickness is as bad as mine was at 8 weeks you won’t want tO leave your room never mind the country though lol

GinnyBee · 30/04/2022 12:26

If you think they'll guess anyway then why not just tell them? It'll take the pressure off and you don't have to stress about how well your excuse goes down, or trying to pretend to be drinking (which is actually fairly easy)

Judge it by how you feel. I started feeling considerably better after 8 weeks in this pregnancy, but some people struggle well into the second trimester.

whatcangowrong · 30/04/2022 18:23

Definitely go, you can always retire early from some evenings etc. Not sure why people are saying don't fly in the first trimester - I had ivf and was pregnant with twins and went long haul on a 12 hour flight at 6.5 and then back at 8 weeks. All still fine at 28 weeks. Def tell the bride what's going on.

Loopytiles · 30/04/2022 18:28

Wouldn’t go as would find it stressful when people are drinking one or more (rude) person will probably ask directly if you’re pregnant and it’ll be awkward. Think you’re being unrealistic to think they won’t. Would either tell the truth to the bride or say had covid!

dislike ‘we’ are pregnant. Your partner isn’t pregnant.