Please tell me i havent hurt my baby

[user1484644662]

Im 18.5 weeks pregnant and feel like such an idiot. My partner keeps going back to drugs despite trying to stop, empty promises, its heartbreaking. Yesterday i lost it. Like, full on, out of control, lost my stuff. Screaming, shouting, worse. Going on for the whole evening to the early hours. Im really not proud of myself at all but ive had enough. Today i was exhausted. The morning started bad again, but I went to work which was good as it took my mind off things. Since ive come home im just avoiding him. Im in bed resting and hes making me something healthy to eat. Yesterday i threw up everything i ate.

Im so so so worried ive messed everything up. We tried so Hard for this baby and I feel like ive taken advantage. I lost two before this and we are still struggling from the losses. I know how lucky i am to have made it this far. Can someone reassure me? Tell me what to do? Im open to all advice but please be gentle with me as im very fragile right now. Please help 😪

You haven't done your baby any harm. What will do your baby harm is staying with a druggie. Get out now and good luck for the future.

My partner keeps going back to drugs despite trying to stop, empty promises, its heartbreaking

hes making me something healthy to eat

aww that’s cute - leave the fucking ass hole for god sake

Tell you what to do?

First, stop worrying about your baby!

Second, get rid of your partner. He's a total and utter waste of space.

You won't have caused any harm. However I would suggest rethinking your current situation? Your better off on your own than tied to a drug user who cannot stop...

Have you support? Do you have family or friends who can help you ?

Yes this ^

Yes by staying with him you are harming your baby.

If you told a social worker everything do you think you would be allowed to raise your child?

You are trying to bring children into the world with THE WRONG PERSON.
If you are in such a terrible state now, what will it be like for you with a little baby?

If SS or your health visitor gets a sniff of this, you’ll be wishing you’d left him already. You seem like you really want to protect your baby but your priorities are skewed.

You’re harming your baby by staying with a drug user. Can you leave him and stay with family? Is that an option?

We tried so Hard for this baby

What has possessed you to actively try to conceive a child with a junkie?

While yesterday’s outburst most likely won’t damage your pregnancy, being raised in a volatile environment with a drug addict will 100% hard the resulting child.

Being emotional and stressed out won’t harm your baby. Stress is unavoidable, it’s a part of life. Try to relax as much as possible since it’s not healthy for you in excessive amounts, and if it’s not good for you then it’s not good for baby.

what will harm your baby though is having a drug addict for a father. your child needs a stable environment to grow up in, prioritise yourself and the baby and if he can’t change his ways or seek out help then you’ll have to leave.

Leave him. Imagine if he left a bag out accidentally or a line... and your baby got to it. It would kill your baby.

You're doing great, but he needs to go.

You need to talk to your midwife about getting support to leave your partner. Women who prioritise their relationships with useless, drug-addicted cock-lodgers over the health of their children risk having their children removed from their care - and I have seen this happen several times in my line of work even when the woman herself is not using drugs. Women who access support to leave their drug-addicted partners and make any necessary changes to their own lifestyles are much more likely to be able to keep their children.
You need to stop worrying about whether you have harmed your baby by shouting at your partner and start worrying about the harm that almost inevitably results from being raised by a drug-addicted parent.

how on earth are you trying to have a child with a DRUGGIE for heavens sake. How utterly irresponsible of you. Not even trying to make you feel shit but I’m really sick of people doing this to young children. The family next to me have three kids and the dad is a heroin addict. No patience and yelling when he is desperate for a fix, dirty unhappy wee children. It’s tragic and tbh how dare you enable this to continue. Aside from that, It. Is. not. safe.

What on earth would possess you to have a baby with a drug addict?

Ok i May need to clarify, my partner smokes weed. Hes not on heroin or cocaine. I probably should have been clearer but I wasnt really thinking straight when I made the post.

Thanks to anyone who has replied constructively. I mainly needed advice on the health of my baby, i fully intend to leave the relationship if things dont change which is partly why its all so upsetting.

@TheWayoftheLeaf

Why is OP “doing great”?

She isn’t she’s treading a very dangerous path, a path she actively tried to go down.

I hope you do.

if you don’t, don’t leave your baby with him alone for one second. Weed or otherwise.

Because a pregnant woman who is scared doesn't need to be kicked when she's down. Raise them up with the advice, don't make them sadder than they need to be.

He's a bad man but she's not smoking/drinking etc.

The baby will not be harmed, however stressful your night was. Promise.
But you are right to try to address these issues with your partner now and should be proud of yourself for doing that.

Why are your standards so low, how depressing. Why have you continued trying for a baby with him? He would have stopped by now if he was serious about it.

Some of the comments here have only made me feel much worse to be honest. Im not saying weed is okay, not at all, thats WHY we are having so many problems. The addiction didnt start affecting him so bad until after the babies were lost and this pregnancy was accidental. Theres been some really judgemental and unnecessary comments from people who havent got the slightest clue what ive been through. I was up Last night as im in anxiety for various reasons and reading through all these just made me feel so much more low. I just thought its good im not really on edge or suicidal. Stuff like this could be the final straw for someone.

Think before you speak. Ask yourself if its helpful. And if not, keep it to yourself.

Some of the comments here have only made me feel much worse to be honest. Im not saying weed is okay, not at all, thats WHY we are having so many problems. The addiction didnt start affecting him so bad until after the babies were lost and this pregnancy was accidental. Theres been some really judgemental and unnecessary comments from people who havent got the slightest clue what ive been through. I was up Last night as im in anxiety for various reasons and reading through all these just made me feel so much more low. I just thought its good im not really on edge or suicidal. Stuff like this could be the final straw for someone.

Think before you speak. Ask yourself if its helpful. And if not, keep it to yourself.

Some of the comments here have only made me feel much worse to be honest. Im not saying weed is okay, not at all, thats WHY we are having so many problems. The addiction didnt start affecting him so bad until after the babies were lost and this pregnancy was accidental. Theres been some really judgemental and unnecessary comments from people who havent got the slightest clue what ive been through. I was up Last night as im in anxiety for various reasons and reading through all these just made me feel so much more low. I just thought its good im not really on edge or suicidal. Stuff like this could be the final straw for someone.

Think before you speak. Ask yourself if its helpful. And if not, keep it to yourself.