How long should a first time Dad ideally take off work when the baby is born?

[BHCU1343]

How long should a first time Dad ideally take off work when the baby is born?

How long is a piece of string?

It depends on the family situation, finances, if there is a support system in place, the mother's health, the baby's health....

Yes, a lot of variables. My DH took two weeks paternity, two weeks holiday with my first and will do the same this time. It worked really well for us and was nice to have a month together as a new family, working stuff out. Plus he did all cooking and house stuff and drove us places (I had a section). He gets a lot of holiday though and was paid as normal for paternity.

Completely depends on the circumstances. My DH has just gone back after 5 weeks. He is now ‘PT’ for another 4 weeks due to the amount of parental leave he gets.

understandably not everyone gets that much paid leave off though so we are lucky.

From my very recent/current experience I would recommend at least the 2 week, if you can use holidays then stretch to 2-4 weeks. They are only a newborn for so long and they change everyday! Plus it’s handy to have the help when you’re recovering.

With my first, two weeks didn’t feel like enough! Zero family support though, so no mother coming to help out etc. so reliant solely on DH. I felt very lonely for a few weeks as it was too early for most groups until around six weeks or so. Then I was out all the time! With our second, three weeks felt ok. I’d had a c-section this time and needed a bit more help.

My partner has had two weeks plus a further two weeks annual leave. He’ll be going back to work next week. I’m lucky as two weeks definitely wouldn’t have been enough for me and I’m so grateful for his support. I would say as long as possible depending on your own situation - a month has been great but I would love him to be off longer.

My husband had 2 weeks at statutory paternity then 1 week annual leave, another week would've been lovely but just wasn't possible sadly.

DH is self employed so didn't take a block of time but more like took a few days off each week for the first 2 months.

This worked really well. As depending on how baby is fed. If BF there really wasn't much for him to do with baby for the first few weeks given the closeness of feeds, a hand around the house was nice as was company but I had other support too. We did enjoy extra time together and because it was not every day we seemed to value it more too. Meaning he had more days off when DC was slightly older meant they could bond well too and was less daunting for me than suddenly being alone with a baby all day.

What ever happens for you... I wish you well and enjoy every second, they really do grow up so fast

If your dh is anything like mine, he’ll request wfh and not actually help #bitter 🍋
He could have taken paternity, but chose the paid option and also went out on the piss.

My dh had 1 week paternity (statutory pay) and 1 week holiday - my mum then came up for a week with my first because I was still in a lot of pain and felt overwhelmed. I would have loved him to want to take longer off especially with my 2nd who was premature and the first week we were both in hospital but he didn’t…

Mind had to go back offshore to work for a month when my son was 2 days old. No such thing as paternity leave for him. They only get there time off and when it's up it's up.

Should of added luckily he was home for the birth as that happened in his time off but many men miss births due to being away. If they work internationally,

First baby: 6 weeks

Second baby: 2 days

🤷🏼‍♀️

Assuming he's helpful, as along as circumstances allow.

I was very lucky that my DP was able to take a couple of months away from work (self employed). I noticed how much harder my antenatal friends found those first weeks than me, as they were all home alone from 2 weeks, and it can be really hard to do even basic stuff like going to the toilet, showering or making food (let alone what you will desperately want, which is to catch up with a bit of sleep) when it's just you and the baby.

It really, really helps to have another person there IME.

(Second time around I was on my own and it was harder).

Two or three weeks, maybe a month, would have been good. Mine took 4 days, 2 of which we were in hospital

None. They just get under your feet in my experience. If they could go to work and then come back and clean it's far more useful than lots of hovering and 'advice'.

Mine took 2 weeks with our first and than a week off with the others. TBH while it was lovely having him home, I was eager for him to go back to work so that I could get into a routine.

We did shared parental, he took 6 months of My maternity, leaving me with 6 paid months. Then after 6 months I left my job, and he went back to work. We would do the same with baby 2, but I don't think I'll be working, depends if I get a part time job when she starts nursery or not, I think the plan would be to get one 26 weeks before due date, then do the same again, split the maternity 6 months off together x

Sounds like a keeper!

2 weeks otherwise doesn't get paid 🤷🏻‍♀️

And honestly what do you really need him home for especially if breastfeeding - they can't exactly help much when all a newborn really needs is their mother

My DH had two weeks, he took it as one week in a block plus one day a week for the next five weeks (Wednesdays so that I only had two days in a row without him).

Depends on circumstances - my DD was born Sunday morning and her dad was back in work Monday morning. Suited me - he would have been under my feet and I wanted peace to bond and establish feeding. Bit crap for him but he's self employed and would have lost a LOT of money so his choice.

If I'd had a C section or baby had had health issues it might have been different

My DH took 2 weeks but was WFH after that so still around. He then took his remaining 2 paid weeks paternity at the end of my leave so I could go back to work before the summer holidays and DD2 was still at home with someone she knew.

He could have taken another 2 weeks unpaid but we needed the money.

DH had 2 weeks. It was enough for me. Yes longer would have been great, but it was manageable. I was recovering well physically and his work wasn't too far away so he was home by 6. Psychologically I felt I had to do it some time and in a way it was better to just do it. He went back on a Thurs which helped, as nearly the weekend.

What I found hardest was tiredness. I think what would have helped a bit was DH having a day off in the week up to 7-8 weeks. But he only gets 20 days leave and DD1 was born in March, so we saved it for proper breaks later on.

Ideally I’d say 4-6 weeks. He developed mental health issues with our second I think due to not taking enough time to adjust and trying to be a superman and go to work full time plus overtime plus looking after our older child. I urged him to slack off a bit with his work and maybe take a couple of weeks unpaid parental leave but he wouldn’t. I think the first one wasn’t as intense but it would still have been good if he could have done half days or part time for a few weeks post paternity leave to spend more time with our baby.

I also needed a lot of help in the first 6 weeks or so, as I had some birth injuries, struggled to breastfeed, was knackered (obviously) from the pregnancy and birth and needed a few weeks to physically and mentally adjust. Luckily I had family around to help.

I know not everyone wants help or is able to access it but I fully believe that generally speaking bringing up kids is something that benefits from and is more enjoyable with collective effort from a group of adults supporting parents and children. The most difficult times as a parent were when I felt isolated or put a lot of pressure on myself to do it all on my own.

Mine was too helpful, was glad when he went back 😄

ideally, as long as both parents are happy with. Not realistic in many cases though, sadly.