Intrusive OCD Paternity thoughts

[MonkeyPlush94]

I would like to say I'VE NEVER CHEATED with my partner... but lately I've been having intrusive paternity thoughts about who my baby belongs too (False memories and OCD)

I would start of by saying I'm 27 weeks pregnant due in July. Me and my partner were trying for a baby.. All was well until I hit 25 weeks and started obsessing over ''what ifs'' it came out the blue and because I'm glued on one scenario I've been obsessing over it for many many hours in a day to the point where it has made me cry and I had to ask people for reassurance...

7 days before I got my positive pregnant test results I had a night in our household drinking (my partner wasn't there) with 3 of my sisters, my sisters boyfriend, my sisters partners two friends who are both 10 years younger than me and my partners dad. I drank a fair bit that night and blacked out and went to bed and woke up the next morning like nothing happened - this night is what I'm obsessing over... for no reason because it was the only night I've had without my partner and I'm obsessing over the fact someone came into my room and slept with me/raped me and they had super sperm which made me pregnant and that my baby isn't really my partners. I have no thought to even think ANYTHING happened.... I even remember waking up the next morning with my clothes still on and a stinking hangover, I've been obsessing over this night now only recently scared with what happened. I've asked two of my sisters if anyone came into my room and raped me (ruling out my partners dad as he's a severe alcoholic and couldn't walk properly that night) but I'm so scared my sisters friend came into my room and slept with me even though they PROMISED no-one did.. apart of me is thinking (Are they lying to cover it up) and then I'm thinking no way would they do that especially when my sister swore on her sons life... I have had an obsessing with conception dates and keep saying to myself ''Well if it did happen THEN i know my baby is definitely my partners as I know when I ovulated which was a blood test and then had sex a day or two after that and my ultrasound and due date brings me back to that specific date we both had sex which was 5 nights before that night happened'' Then I also tell myself ''Well if it did happen also I won't be able to get a positive pregnancy test 6 and a half days after having sex especially since my pregnancy test lines were super strong and clear blue came up with 2-3 weeks''

Is this just my head? or did something actually happen and my sisters are covering it up? I trust my sisters and they would know if anyone even came into my room that night because they are very self aware of their surroundings (If someone isn't around for even the littlest bit they will go and search for them) I'm seeing a counsellor next Friday about it because it's driving me insane... someone PLEASE reassure me. Has this happened with anyone else? Counsellor on the phone said intrusive thoughts are normal and I've seen quite a few threads on here relating to the OCD paternity thoughts even tho their partners are the only ones they've slept with but I honestly feel INSANE

Intrusive thoughts are normal, however what you have described is not normal on any level- I'm glad you're booked in to see someone because hopefully you can get help now and it doesn't cause any issues once baby is here.

I KNOW RIGHT.. I know it isn't normal what I'm thinking and I know I'm being irrational but I cannot get it out of my head :(

I've spoke to my partner about this the other day and he was just like WTF and now he thinks I've cheated but I've reassured him I haven't it's just my anxiety in which he understands because my brain can come up with the most weirdest things. I think what's bothering me is the fact I'm scared my baby is going to turn out black for some strange reason? One of the guys there were like dark coloured and I'm worried incase he raped me or something but from what I know he is the sweetest guy ever, 10 years younger and he was obsessed with my sister at the time.. No-one in their right mind would do that to someone with a partner right? Especially a drunk one.. I would also remember if someone has came in my room because I can vaguely remember one of my sisters walking into my room to wake me up to get my partners dad home because he wouldn't budge but I didn't say anything or do anything because I was so drunk so I was like ''Piss off'' then went back to bed!

Take a deep breath. There is absolutely no reason to think anyone slept with you that night. Your sisters wouldn't cover up something like that would they ? Plus if you got a 2-3wk test 6 days later then you can be sure that wasn't it. At 6dpo an embryo is barely a blastocyst ready to implant in the womb, there is simply no way it would result in a strong positive.
Also surely you would have felt sore and/or sticky when you woke up !

At the end of the day if it really really bothers you that much you could do a paternity test but I have no doubt that it'll say your partner is the dad.

Can you maybe talk to a professional about it ? Or to a friend ? Just talking about it will help you see how absurd it is. Fears and anxiety are not logical but logic can help dissipate them.

You're right and I know I'm being irrational, it's just my dumb anxiety! I'm speaking to a professional next Friday! I also spoke to a professional on the phone on Tuesday aswell.. talking to someone definitely helps! @Marty13

@Marty13 I remember waking up with my dress, jumper and undies on tbh... I remember because I usually fall asleep naked and I didn't that night and I woke up feeling gross because of the clothes from the night before. That morning it was just one of those mornings... nothing even came to my mind then!

No one can say what happened that night fir 100% because we weren’t there. However, you say you woke up with all your clothes on and intact, to me that says nothing happened.
Those obsessions could well be a form of OCD and you definitely need therapy and maybe CBT. Hormone changes play havoc with our bodies and minds during pregnancy so you won’t be first person this has happened to im sure.
it’s so important you get this help to help you cope with the delivery and bonding with your baby when they arrive.
The very best of luck and you’re doing the right thing going to a therapist, it might help you think more clearly.

This is OCD. This is what it does. It fucks with us.

Sending positive thoughts your way. It will all be ok.

@DatingDickheads I absolutely hate OCD with a passion. I remember having it a few years ago but man it's really bad ATM!

@Designerenvy I'm so excited to speak to someone next Friday! I know the thought is stupid and realistically I should trust myself, science, my sisters and her friends.. I have NO REASON to believe ANYTHING HAPPENED. In fact my sister told me I didn't even communicate with the boys there only my sisters and my partners dad.. I even asked them if I was being ''flirty'' just incase and they both said no I was more in a pissed off quiet mood because me and one of my sisters were arguing that night!

I remember this happening to one of my best friends during her pregnancy and I remember telling her not to be stupid. But she DID sleep with someone but it was the cycle before she slept with her baby dad and she was convinced sperm lived inside her for a while and he was the father... all throughout her pregnancy... there was many many times I've had to sit down with her and reassure her the last guy wasn't the dad as it was impossible.. She didn't reach help and when she had her baby girl (SPITTING IMAGE OF HER BABY DAD) she asked me to stalk the other guys Facebook to see the image between him and her baby (Both looked nothing alike) She still wasn't convinced.. her baby is over a year old and still to this day she still has the thoughts but she told me it wasn't as bad during her pregnancy.. she said it destroyed her.

Intrusive thoughts are horrendous but that's all they are - thoughts. Not facts.

Hopefully you can put your mind at ease when you speak to a professional on Friday.

@MonkeyPlush94 my teenage daughter has OCD and it’s awful and can be very debilitating. She knows her obsessive thoughts aren’t real but can’t help believing and acting on them.
The therapist has told us, everyone has intrusive thoughts but in OCD the reaction and anxiety it causes is extreme. Most people brush the thoughts aside and move on but with OCD the thoughts get stuck.
Best of luck Friday, it’s definitely a step in the right direction.

@Designerenvy Idk why they're so bad atm, is it my pregnancy hormones interfering? I know for a fact if I thought about this when I wasn't pregnant I probably would of laughed at the thought of even thinking that... It's horrible..

@MonkeyPlush94 I’d imagine the pregnancy hormone changes aren’t helping. Make sure you speak to your doctor and midwife also about this, they may have supports they can offer too.

Sorry you’re going through this. I also suffer from OCD, although by and large it has become more manageable as I’ve gotten older. However, since becoming pregnant I am having a lot of intrusive thoughts about things being wrong with the baby (which feel so very real) and have also been having ticks - so I do think pregnancy must set us off.
I do think getting blackout drunk is always a cause for anxiety anyway - it’s basically why I don’t really drink anymore (obviously not at all while pregnant!), as it would mess with my head for a long time afterwards, as I imagined what happened or what I did.
It’s great that you’re going to talk to someone - in the meantime, try to challenge all those negative feelings with the fact there is absolutely no evidence that anything untoward happened. Do it often enough and hopefully it will start to change how you feel.
Hope you start to feel better.

How horrible for you monkey. I'm sure nothing happened that night but intrusive thoughts with OCD are such poison.

I have OCD diagnosed and struggling so much with horrible thoughts this pregnancy. Mainly the terrible fear that my baby has died inside me and I don't know. It's horribly scary. If you want to chat on WhatsApp I can pm my number although I'm not due til twenty first August.

Hi OP, I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say that you're not alone in this. I wasn't pregnant, but I used to have this weird OCD years ago when drinking where I would freak out (for no reason) and convince myself that I WAS pregnant because someone had slept with me/raped me when I was wasted. It was awful, and I lost a friend over it by sort of accusing him of having slept with me while I was asleep. I also used to sometimes panic that I would get pregnant by immaculate conception and nobody would believe me and they'd think I had slept with someone. All I can say is, it will go away. In your case, I bet it goes away when the baby is here as you'll have so much else to focus on. Hang in there.

@MonkeyPlush94 did you see the therapist today? If so, I hope it went well

@Designerenvy therapist is next Friday :)

@LaSoupe it’s CRAZY how OCD effects your mind and how irrational your thoughts are!

@theotherfossilsister I don’t have WhatsApp and I’m located in Australia! But that would be lovely!

I'm trying to pm you but the new website format won't allow me to.xx

OP this happened to me. I was on a night out a week before I discovered I was pregnant and was really drunk and had the same thoughts. Exactly like yours. I tried counselling and therapy but nothing could stop the thoughts. I really feel for you as I've had this

This is OCD and you can't help it. Your brain is playing tricks on you. If you've suffered before with it, it will be happening again due to pregnancy the anguish of it has triggered an episode. It sounds like Pure O, a type of OCD. There's a great book called Brain Lock you should look into. Don't blame yourself, see it as an illness if it helps you. And do your research on it. Knowledge is power. Take care x

@teaandtoastwithmarmite ffs omg same feeling! I feel like we need to talk to each other! What happened that night??? what was your thoughts about?

@coulddowithsomeadvice287 Thank you x

@theotherfossilsister I don’t even know how to instant message on this site :/ haha

Turns out I'd tried to kiss my boss so he decided he'd call me a taxi to stop me further embarrassing myself. I felt really awful and told then DP now DH. But I told myself I must have done more. We had been trying for a baby for so long I just told myself something must not be right as I didn't feel I deserved it etc. When I look back I can't believe I said those things. And I never actually thought them really it was more a case of what if this and what if that. Never logic.

@MonkeyPlush94 feel free to dm me if you like as I also posted on here at the time. Felt like I was going insane at a time when I should've been enjoying the moment. I think I was just so desperate for a baby the anxiety just took over.

@teaandtoastwithmarmite Omg I would be so embarrassed tbh sometime I would do but I try to kiss everyone when I’m drunk (in friendly way) haven’t done it in a while but I’ve done it before (not a pash!!!!) I can’t seem to message you? I’ve tried but it isn’t letting me. I would be so freaking paranoid if I was you so I totally get it. If that happened to me I would of thought the boss stuck his dick in me or something lol that would be my anxiety rushing through my head!! How did DH handle it at the time?!!