Intrusive OCD Paternity thoughts

[MonkeyPlush94]

I would like to say I'VE NEVER CHEATED with my partner... but lately I've been having intrusive paternity thoughts about who my baby belongs too (False memories and OCD)

I would start of by saying I'm 27 weeks pregnant due in July. Me and my partner were trying for a baby.. All was well until I hit 25 weeks and started obsessing over ''what ifs'' it came out the blue and because I'm glued on one scenario I've been obsessing over it for many many hours in a day to the point where it has made me cry and I had to ask people for reassurance...

7 days before I got my positive pregnant test results I had a night in our household drinking (my partner wasn't there) with 3 of my sisters, my sisters boyfriend, my sisters partners two friends who are both 10 years younger than me and my partners dad. I drank a fair bit that night and blacked out and went to bed and woke up the next morning like nothing happened - this night is what I'm obsessing over... for no reason because it was the only night I've had without my partner and I'm obsessing over the fact someone came into my room and slept with me/raped me and they had super sperm which made me pregnant and that my baby isn't really my partners. I have no thought to even think ANYTHING happened.... I even remember waking up the next morning with my clothes still on and a stinking hangover, I've been obsessing over this night now only recently scared with what happened. I've asked two of my sisters if anyone came into my room and raped me (ruling out my partners dad as he's a severe alcoholic and couldn't walk properly that night) but I'm so scared my sisters friend came into my room and slept with me even though they PROMISED no-one did.. apart of me is thinking (Are they lying to cover it up) and then I'm thinking no way would they do that especially when my sister swore on her sons life... I have had an obsessing with conception dates and keep saying to myself ''Well if it did happen THEN i know my baby is definitely my partners as I know when I ovulated which was a blood test and then had sex a day or two after that and my ultrasound and due date brings me back to that specific date we both had sex which was 5 nights before that night happened'' Then I also tell myself ''Well if it did happen also I won't be able to get a positive pregnancy test 6 and a half days after having sex especially since my pregnancy test lines were super strong and clear blue came up with 2-3 weeks''

Is this just my head? or did something actually happen and my sisters are covering it up? I trust my sisters and they would know if anyone even came into my room that night because they are very self aware of their surroundings (If someone isn't around for even the littlest bit they will go and search for them) I'm seeing a counsellor next Friday about it because it's driving me insane... someone PLEASE reassure me. Has this happened with anyone else? Counsellor on the phone said intrusive thoughts are normal and I've seen quite a few threads on here relating to the OCD paternity thoughts even tho their partners are the only ones they've slept with but I honestly feel INSANE

@teaandtoastwithmarmite I’ve DM’d you (I think)

Hope you're doing ok OP. As you may already know, reassurance about this 'incident' is the last thing you need. Reassurance gives credence to the irrational thought and feeds into a perpetual cycle which keeps the obsession going.

I've suffered with this particular manifestation of OCD and have been on sertraline for years. What really helped me was seeing a therapist who really understood this type of OCD, and didn't just go in with the traditional CBT method.

A few key reminders for you: if it feels like OCD, it almost certainly IS OCD. In normal, day-to-day life, you don't spend hours wondering whether someone may have committed a heinous crime against you without your knowledge. You go about your life making countless judgements and decisions every day without being plagued by distressing thoughts. So the fact that your normal logic and 'reason' goes out the window when thinking about this situation is a big sign that it's the OCD at play, not a real, genuine concern based on evidence and reasonable assumptions.

Best of luck with your pregnancy!

@MonkeyPlush94 he wasn't happy but he was very supportive and he knew I was not well. I agree with a pp though that reassurance doesn't help. It feeds anxiety as you get that feeling of relief and you want it again and again. I think you will look back at this and think I can't believe I said what I said to my sisters. Are they being supportive?

@teaandtoastwithmarmite Yeah my sisters are being really supportive, they’ve tried to reassure me to the best of their abilities and they aren’t judgemental. They do think it’s silly tho but they understand pregnancy hormones!

That's good then

UPDATE: I'm going to see a counsellor this Friday 😀

Update... counselling is helping :D

Glad you're starting to feel a bit better, OP.

UPDATE: If anyone else is battling irrational thoughts GET HELP ASAP! I feel so much better, even tho the thought still pops up at times (especially when I'm anxious or stress) it is so much better. 😆

I still have my moments where I worry like crazy incase baby turns out black (for absolutely no reason what so ever) I just keep telling myself it's my anxiety and it's unlogical lol

Glad counseling is helping!

Just adding my thoughts on this as I'm currently pregnant (36 weeks woohoo!) and have had ocd intrusive thoughts since I was 18 (which I have been treating since then):

• pregnancy and the enormous fluctuations/changes in your hormones will absolutely make ocd worse or make some women who have never had ocd suddenly start having ocd type of intrusive thoughts. As soon as you start getting them, seek help from a trained therapist/psychiatrist in cognitive behavioral approaches to deal with ocd intrusive thoughts. It WILL help you find relief.

• you don't fight ocd's intrusive thoughts by trying to seek reassurance from others or going back to retrace your memories. Intrusive thoughts come from an irrational source, and no amount of logical thinking will make them disappear. The more you seek reassurance and the more you try to retrace your memories, the bigger the ocd monster will get. Instead, you have to be brave, welcome them, expose yourself to them, accept them as what they are: irrational thoughts being produced by ocd. Verbalize this. Accept this comes from a mental vulnerability you have called ocd. This is easier said and done but a good therapist will guide you through this process. In a couple of weeks after starting therapy, you will feel a huge improvement.

• As someone who has had ocd since I was 18 years old (i'm now 35), know something: all - and I mean ALL - intrusive thoughts I've ever had (they're always connected to fears one has) have always been false, not real, and never actually happened. There has never been one intrusive thought that ended up being real or about something that happened. Therapy helps you learn and identify this, and will make ocd very manageable and you will live a normal life. Also - medication will help a lot. I personally stopped taking medication during my pregnancy but did intense behavior therapy to manage the possibility of ocd creeping up on me during this period I'm not taking medication. But there are relatively safe options for medication during pregnancy and for serious cases of ocd or anxiety, your doctor will guide you.

• Ocd is a monster who feeds on doubt. The eternal doubt and "what if" will drive crazy because that is what ocd does. Ocd is an illness, a monster, it has nothing to do with the rational part of your brain, or how intelligent you are, and no logical thinking will solve that doubt. But doubt is also its weakness: because it is this doubt, this obsessing about whether something happened or not, that immediately tells you that you are not dealing with reality or an actual possibility of something having happened - instead you are dealing with the OCD monster playing tricks on your mind. Find relief in the existence of this doubt. Every time you have an intrusive thought that makes you doubt if something happened or whether you did something, that alone will and should tell you: it's the monster, it is not real, I have nothing to worry about.

I'm sorry I didn't see this thread sooner but I hope my experience may help any reader struggling with this. Seek help and you will get better. Soon the monster will be very much asleep.

Good luck OP!

@AnaCav Thank you so much for that message, it's all good. I'm keeping this thread up so it helps with people. As I said I still think about the thought, just not so much.. but it was terrible. Reassurance helps in the short term not in the long term that's for sure and I've seeked reassurance many times (asking my sisters all the time about what happened etc) helps for like a few days and then the thought is back lol.. x