Can you ever really prepare for labour?

[Blue1876]

I'm approaching my due date with my first baby and feeling extremely anxious about labour (and also about caring for a tiny vulnerable newborn, too). I've done NCT classes (though some were moved online due to covid) and also an online hypnobirthing course. Neither of these I found hugely helpful but probably better than nothing? Bags are packed and we're slowly getting the house sorted - though the most important things are done, clothes washed and ready, cot built, freezer full etc. Haven't made a birth plan as such because I want to be very flexible, but I do at least have an idea of the options.

I still feel so, so unprepared, not at all ready, and dreading going into labour early for this reason. Is there anything else I should be doing? Anything that can help me get my head around all this or make labour easier?? I feel like I've already forgotten everything I've learned or read over the past few months, like I'm about to sit an exam that I haven't studied for!

Anyone have any advice?

As long as you’ve read up on interventions and pain relief you’ll be fine. You’re not going it alone you’ve got a birthing partner and midwife who are there wanting the best for you and baby.

You sound like you’re far more prepared than I was. Less than 37 weeks my waters went, had no hospital bag packed, only big baby clothes as she was estimated to be 10/11 lbs. (She was 8lb 4 when born at 37 weeks!) In fact we’d started putting the cot up the day my waters went

If you can, make sure you have a good support network around you that will be there if you need it.

Expect the unexpected and go with it, there’s no other advice I can offer!

I couldn’t have possibly prepared myself for my daughter’s birth. No one I know has experienced anything like it. There is absolutely no point in stressing out about it now as it will happen how it happens, when it happens and you will be guided by your midwives and (if necessary) drs.

You shouldn’t be pressuring yourself about doing anything now, you have done it all. Sounds so good about the freezer, I kept meaning to fill mine up and never did. I wish I had as I had a c-section so it would have been very useful!

Take care of yourself and fwiw, I think you’re totally right to take a flexible approach :-)

Batch cook and freeze it. The first two weeks the last thing anyone wants to do is cook. But you still probs want to eat healthy since you'll be tired.

Then just rest as much as you can. Do relaxing things.

I think you can prepare in practical ways like you have but I don’t think you can prepare in emotional ways. When I had my first child I felt like I’d been in a car crash I was just so overwhelmed and tired. It was a long labour but not particularly traumatic I think I was just struggling to comprehend what my body had been through. Second time I wasn’t in as much shock but I didn’t even have my bag packed properly & had to get DH to finish it. That was a mistake

I would say just try to stay as calm as you can, know your options and go with it. Good luck.

Thank you so much for your kind and reassuring responses. Sounds like it's probably not something I can really truly prepare for, just have to hope for the best and see how things go! I think it's probably the lack of control I'm struggling with?? And regretting not doing a better job keeping up with pelvic floor exercises and perineal massage etc! I've barely even held a newborn before and struggling to imagine what breastfeeding and caring for a tiny baby will be like - I'm not the most resilient person and prone to worrying a lot. Don't have a huge support network and lost my Mum a couple of years ago - wish she was still here to tell me not to be daft and that things will work out ok!

It will work out. Just don’t put yourself under pressure to do anything except rest, sleep, feed (yourself & baby) & don’t compare yourself to any other mums! I didn’t breast feed with either of mine. I tried but I was too exhausted the first time and second time I just didn’t have the enthusiasm for it. It didn’t come naturally to me but lots of my friends did it really successfully.
You will be absolutely fine x

Aww @Blue1876 I relate to your post so much. I'm due on 05/05 💕
I feel like I've done all research possible for both labour and having a baby (this is my first), and physically very prepared, same as you, have everything we need (I think, probably too much actually?) but still feel so unprepared at the same time!!! It's because we're going into the unknown, anything can happen. I've actually wrote a pretty detailed birth plan, in the style of hypnobirthing, I did the full course too and found it quite helpful to be honest.

You mentioned a lack of control but I feel like attempting to have a birth plan and not being too upset if it doesn't go quite like that gives me a sense of control. Maybe try write one and see how you feel? You can always scrap it.

I always had a relaxed feeling about birth, the closer my due dates getting I'm getting more anxious though. Totally normal I think xx

Also make sure to use the BRAIN technique where possible to give you that sense of control also! Xx

Get special dry ice packs for your vag which you snap to activate, as well as a plastic doucher to wash yourself with after a wee. Have loads of nappies and wipes next to your bed ready for the nights, as well as snacks and baby onesies in case of a leaked nappy. Snacks for labour. Also set up a changing tub for the room you'll be spending the most time in, with nappies, wipes, sudocrem, nappy sacks and onesies in. A playlist for songs you would like to listen to in labour. Record a bunch of series to watch whilst breastfeeding. Loads of clean towels easy to hand so you're not always looking for one. Get some depends for postpartum bleeding. For me all these little things I didn't know about made a big difference to how overwhelmed I felt having to get them all sorted. Get all your laundry done so you don't come home to it and just do a daily load of a few bits until the big day. As long as you know you've got everything you need for you and the baby when you get out, the rest is about letting your body do what it needs to and letting the medical staff and others help you.

Anything can happen in labour. You could have a natural or c-section, long labour or very short. Rest assured - your body will know what to do!

The biggest shock I faced was that you feel like you've run a marathon and then you've got a newborn up all hours to take care of. So obvious of course, but the lack of rest in the first few days was difficult for me.

Firstly good luck! It’s a crapshoot preparing and it’s so out of our control. Weird but useful advice I got was to try to not do the “tv scream” for contractions. It only gets bad right at the end anyway tbh. If you do scream it causes everything to tense up and labour takes longer. If you do breathing, a yoga ohm, or as the doula at my class suggested, a moo sound, it relaxes your muscles and makes things progress faster. Sounds obvious but we see the tv labour and I think it becomes what we assume should happen. Bring snacks was the second point, if you got morning sickness think that’s kind of food. Bland crackers. Some people throw up in labour. Finally, when you feel like properly giving up, you’re really finally there. It’s a stage called transition and you’re in the final part of labour. Good luck. Remember no matter what way it ends up, you birthed a child. That’s what’s important ❤️

You can't prepare for the first birth really. However second baby I was calm stayed at home for ages the went to hospital for a water birth. Felt very prepared, until baby got stuck and panic stations, then got blasted because I should never have had a water birth, because first baby got stuck second was automatic delivery suite with doctors on hand. So apparently me being all in control was basically putting my unborn baby at risk and I had no idea 🤬

I think you will just adapt. Don't get me wrong labour is absolute hell on Earth but people (including myself at 18weeks with #2) go back for more.
Expect pain but x100. BUT it's only during labour and the mind really does kindly let us not remember just how painful it was. It's all worth it! You'll be fine.

Hello op! This was me four months ago 😬 I posted a thread very similar to yours!
I think the key is to be very open minded. I found in my prep classes it was all about a typical ‘natural’ birth- I was sceptical as there’s many ways of giving birth so go in to it with your aim being simple - come out with a baby and go with the flow. I was terrified and in hindsight it was fine! And I had an unexpected C sec which was bloody brilliant. Would absolutely have another no question! So even if that happens it can be great- it was unbelievably quick- 6 minutes I think which was fabulous relief after a lot of pushing 😬 the other thing that everyone said to me was ‘your body knows what to do’ and I thought this was balloney- it’s not - now when I think about the ‘labour’ bit I was most frightened of- the contractions and lead up to pushing - when I look back now it was like I was extremely drunk!! Like 4am after bar crawl drunk 😬 and that was just with a paracetamol haha! Good luck. You will be fine, just breathe and think of your gorgeous baby that will soon be with you ready for the best cuddles of your life xxxx

And re the pain- it is painful but not like I expected - I’ve had wisdom tooth pain that was worse!! By the time I had quick regular contractions, the pain was intense but short lived- I could breathe & swear through it - not at all like I was expecting. And like I said I was almost ‘drunk’ kind of and so it wasn’t what I was expecting at all- I had an epidural at 4cm dilated and after that I was over the moon - I was chatting away, even had a sleep! I was worried about the epidural aswell and let me tell you they are the best invention to come from modern science! Bloody brilliant. I felt nothing other than pure relaxation and excitement to meet baby boy. He then decided not to budge hence the C sec but it was all quite relaxed and not chaotic which was how I was anticipating it to be. Xox

No labour is ever the same, everybody’s pin threshold is different.
I was excited to meet baby but shit scared of labour and scared of not keeping him safe inside me anymore.
I was induced due to GD so felt like there was a bit of control… still didn’t know my contractions had started though as they were all in my back… the labour and delivery classes hadn’t mentioned that!

I can barely remember most of my labour as i was out of it on gas and air(too late for drugs) I remember the last hour of pushing, it was hard! But then once he came out I felt amazing.
Just go with the flow, your body and baby will make those decisions for you.

Apart from educating yourself on various options and packing a bag, I don't think anything can prepare you for it. Before I had my first I was convinced I'd do Hypno birthing, and that I'd felt bad pain before but nothing could have prepared me for how bad the Pain was. But also how it was the best experience of my life. The next two births were awesome. Absolutely loved them i mean pain bad but like i felt like a super hero. It's very primal. I sounded like a cow sometimes but being vocal helped me where as others go with silence. Everyone is different. All the best x

From a practical point of view, you seem really well prepared to me! Just make sure you've packed some lucozade. It really helps if you have a long labour. Take 2 packs of maternity pads and some snacks for you and your partner. As for labour itself, try to put any ideas oof what it's "supposed" to look like out of your head. Every labour is different. Just research the different kinds of pain relief so you can make informed decisions and then let the midwives look after you.

When it comes to baby, you'll be fine honestly. No one knows what they're doing but within a week you'll be a pro. Don't worry about whether you have everything for baby. Some clothes, nappies, blankets, somewhere to sleep and something to eat is all they need to start with. And remember that shops will still be there after you give birth, as will Amazon prime.

I think the key thing is that no one can predict what your labour and birth will be like and there is no 'perfect' way to give birth. I put myself under pressure to have a particular birth and instead needed a c-section. Whilst it is good to have knowledge and preferences and a well packed hospital bag the actual labour and birth are often outside your control.

You'll be fine. The anxiety of thinking about it is much worse than being there. You'll be fine. Good luck to you.

My waters broke 2 days before due date but contractions never started naturally so was induced.... which I was terrified of but actually it was fine. The pain was bearable for a while and when it became unbearable I got the epidural (which is magic stuff). It was the best day of my life and I think about it all the time.
I wildly underestimated how many pairs of underwear and maternity pads I needed though so just pack loads.
Re: baby I was the same as you but honestly once she arrived it was like I knew what to do. They mostly just feed poop and sleep the whole time at the start. So like pps said have lots of tasty meals batch cooked and frozen to help in the postpartum period. Don't stress about tidying up if the nurse is visiting they really don't care you have a new baby your house doesn't need to be sparkling.
You are gonna do great x

Understandable to feel anxious OP, I can only echo what PP have said and go with the flow. Every labour is different, it’s a life event that can never be planned for.

I have had two DS’ both of the labours, were a lot easier than I imagined they would be. DS1 10hr labour, no pain relief other than a tens machine, no gas and air.

DS2 2:5hr labour, more intense, just because of the speed I think, but again I managed without any pain relief. I wouldn’t consider I have a high pain threshold. I was open to any form of pain relief should I have needed it.

Good luck.

Focus on the fact you get to meet your gorgeous little bundle soon! Everything is a bit fraught and new with a first baby but you do adapt and learn on the job. Going into it with zero expectations and an open mind is a fantastic start. With my second baby I managed to really get myself into the zone with breathing and had a lovely calm birth, so possibly reading up on some hypnobirthing breathing techniques might be good. My first was an utter car crash but I think it’s because I had very set ideas of what I wanted to happen whereas the reality of the situation is that you have to give yourself over to it and go with the flow more. Best of luck to you! Having a new born is the most precious, special thing ever. I’m currently cuddling my 6 month old and wondering how many contact naps I have left…

I liked listening to the natal hypnotherapy I'm sure you can download a free one. Some useful techniques I have used ever since for medical intervention or general calming. Just breathing with useful visualisations. There's a birth music cd that came with mine and I put the cd on in labour 2 and it was amazing, all the visualisations came back to me with the music. Plus is good relaxation time listening to it.

I also got a tens machine and a birthing / exercise ball.

I found a really useful book that taught me to do repetitive movements like squeezing actress ball to distract from the pain.

Labour doesn't have to be that bad so please don't worry. A birthing pool's great, really helps with the pain.

I'm of the school of staying upright, less drugs (some gas and air) No interventions unless medically necessary. You might be the opposite. It will be fine!

Squeeze a stress ball!!