Can you ever really prepare for labour?

[Blue1876]

I'm approaching my due date with my first baby and feeling extremely anxious about labour (and also about caring for a tiny vulnerable newborn, too). I've done NCT classes (though some were moved online due to covid) and also an online hypnobirthing course. Neither of these I found hugely helpful but probably better than nothing? Bags are packed and we're slowly getting the house sorted - though the most important things are done, clothes washed and ready, cot built, freezer full etc. Haven't made a birth plan as such because I want to be very flexible, but I do at least have an idea of the options.

I still feel so, so unprepared, not at all ready, and dreading going into labour early for this reason. Is there anything else I should be doing? Anything that can help me get my head around all this or make labour easier?? I feel like I've already forgotten everything I've learned or read over the past few months, like I'm about to sit an exam that I haven't studied for!

Anyone have any advice?

Thanks guys. Not op here, but due in August with my first and labour is a bit of a scary concept. Just wanted to say, thanks for your posts. It really helps to read them. Sure they've helped op and other thread lurkers too.

Practice yoga breathing techniques, I found it really helped.

Thank you all so, so much for the reassurance, and for the practical tips too! I genuinely feel so much better about what's coming - think this thread has allowed me to let go a bit of The Fear and accept that labour is an unpredictable thing and I just have to go with it! I'm scared of the pain and know it'll be bad but am reassured to hear that others have coped - and that there are plenty of drugs available if I can't!

I think part of the problem is that there is so much marketing out there for courses, tools, gadgets etc that are supposed to help prepare for labour - and I'm sure some of them do! But I'm a natural worrier and feel like unless I've tried absolutely everything, I haven't done enough. But you're all right, going in informed and trying to stay relaxed is probably the best I can do. Very grateful for the wisdom of those who have done it before and gotten through it!

Haven’t read the full thread but one thing I didn’t master the first time round was how/when to use the gas & air. I was just puffing on it constantly and it didn’t help so I lost control of the situation.

Usually contractions come in waves, they build up until they reach a point and then slowly reduce again - start breathing the gas & air when you can feel it starting to build and then stop once it’s reduced and more bearable. The key is to really focus on your body and what it’s doing at each point, which meant for me lying still on my side and staying silent but will be different for everyone obviously. Sorry if this has already been mentioned or if you already knew but nobody ever specifically told me and I honestly think my first labour would have gone a lot more smoothly if someone had just said “oh by the way this is what you do…”

I never had gas and air - in France they don’t use it!!! I had paracetamol until 4cm then epidural with a self push button so I could top up as needed. You’ll be fine op- it’s scary as it’s an unknown when it’s the first time but you sound well prepared to me. The relief you will feel when you’re out the other side and have baby will be immense. I am still relieved now 3.5 months later and that feeling is delicious.. knowing I was so scared but we did it and it was fine! Sending you lots of luck xox

I agree with @sjxoxo that euphorhia is amazing!
Good luck op. How long until you are due?

@Blue1876 great thread just what I needed to read too, even though I'm due in early October, my anxiety is everywhere because it's my first pregnancy. I've been off sick from work a long time too as I had GV

I'll say it hurts, but the trick is to manage it. If a contraction is roughly X long, that means X breaths then rest and repeat. Google 'up breathing'. That got me through number 4 after a freak out with number 3. Believe you're doing what you can to help everything go well, listen to your body, be an animal it's not the time to be timid and self conscious that's just wasted misdirected effort save it for your baby. be aware of some issues eg back to back, research pain relief options and interventions so you know which are possibilities and which are hard no's if any, and what would be your choice for an alternative. I've had my issues with midwives but listen to them they're there to help. Breathe. Squeeze a hand, it's not forever.

No I don't think you can. All I can say is, I worried about things happening that didn't happen. It actually wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought as it would be while also being exactly as painful and bizarre I expected it to be.

I was like you 8 months ago. I felt so unprepared even though I had done hypno birthing, NCT read allllllll the books. In the end, my advice would be what a lot of previous posters have said - have an idea of what how you’d like labour to go, but be prepared to go with the flow. The only practical advice I’d give is making sure you have a drink close by (preferably with a straw!) as gas and air will you make you very dry-mouthed if you use it. I was also really scared of the potential pain, and I honestly managed to get through it on paracetamol and gas and air. In the end, I was so delirious - I think another poster said they feel drunk which I agree with! - that I barely remember the pain anyway.

As for after labour. Looking back now, I don’t think anything can really prepare you for the reality of becoming responsible for another tiny little life, but it genuinely does become easier by leaps and bounds every day once you’re home. However, I will say the thing I was unprepared for which made my exhaustion much worst at the beginning was how LOUD a baby can be when they’re sleeping. Grunting, snuffling, wriggling - I was constantly checking our DS to make sure he was ok as I really didn’t think normal babies would make so much noise/move so much but talking to my NCT friends, apparently it’s totally normal. Just took me a while to get used to!

And I meant to say good luck too! xx

Hi @Blue1876, i think your anxieties will prepare you well, you will be more ready to face the less rose-tinted aspects of new parenthood. I have had two babies in the last 2.5 years and I have a few pieces of advice. Firstly, let your intuition guide you. Lean on everyone and trust your instincts. Yes your baby will be a vulnerable tiny newborn BUT you have time to sit in your house and learn the ropes with your baby who is learning about his or her new world at the same time that you're learning how to parent. I have been weeping this evening that mine are growing up! Parenting is an emotional rollercoaster. I wish I could have my labours and Frye pat 2.5 years again despite feeling overwhelmed so often, the most life changing day in retrospect. Labour is great with an epidural! Absolutely epic, don't let anyone tell you otherwise! All the great bits and none of the worst. Any questions please ask xxxx

*the last

Never met anyone who actually did perineal massage or admitted to it at any rate

I had a long and boring labour with my first, had all the drugs, they tried everything but nothing doing and had an uneventful c-section for failure to progress in the end. Second time around I opted for an elcs - devil you know and all that. Body didn't fancy that plan and I spontaneously laboured at 37 weeks.

I remember turning to the midwife when we got to the pushing stage and telling her I hadn't prepared, I couldn't remember a thing and hadn't actually done this before so "please just tell me what to do and when to do it". So she did and looked really chuffed about it. I got the distinct impression that it was a nice change of pace not to have an overly prepared NCT'd up individual who knew the theory but wouldn't listen to the practice. So my advice is not to stress, you will have trained staff who know what they are doing and will tell you what to do if you ask. You and your partner need to have enough info to make informed decisions about drugs etc but rely on the professionals.