Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I’m scared of having a boy

26 replies

Anonymous006 · 06/04/2022 18:17

Im going to start this conversation by saying, please don’t hate on me. But today I found out the baby I was told was a girl is actually a boy (tech messed up and told us the wrong thing before). When I heard her say the baby was a boy my heart dropped. My whole life I’ve been hurt by men, I was scared of my dad growing up, a male relative hurt me as a young child, I’ve been sexually assaulted more times than I can count by 3 different men in my 22 years of life. Men have always hurt me. My boyfriend and father of my baby is safe, I’m not scared of him but it took me a long time to trust him and if I’m being honest I don’t fully trust him. I’m scared of having a boy because in my experience they hurt people and lie. I want to love my baby so bad. But I’m scared. What should I do?

OP posts:
sillysmiles · 06/04/2022 18:20

Acknowledge that your little boy is part your partner (who you love) and part you. He is a baby. He is entirely innocent and not those men who hurt you.

Echobelly · 06/04/2022 18:21

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. Maybe you should look at getting counselling to help you be the best mum for him and to help yourself?

It really isn't inevitable than boys and men will be like you've experienced and there's no one better than you to make sure he doesn't end up that way. Flowers

Crunched · 06/04/2022 18:25

You have the opportunity to make a man who is respectful and honest. A man who understands the vulnerability and the strength of women.
Congratulations 006 Flowers

RiaOverTheRainbow · 06/04/2022 18:25

Meant kindly and not flippantly, get counselling. I'm sorry so many men have harmed you, but that was something they chose to do, not an unavoidable part of manhood. There is no reason your little boy can't grow up to be kind, gentle and loving.

Emily29 · 06/04/2022 18:27

I have a little boy and it's the absolute best. He will be your entire world! Sorry to hear what you've been through, but when he's here you'll be glad it was him all along.

MrsPatrickDempsey · 06/04/2022 18:40

I am sorry that you have had this experience.
Boys aren't born bad. Teach him to be like your lovely partner.

madeleine85 · 06/04/2022 18:45

I'd make it your goal to have a boy who is brought up to not treat others the way that you were treated. Please get some therapy too if you can to help with your own issues. Ultimately did you get pregnant to have a baby girl, or to have a baby? I would think the latter, and that all everyone wants is a healthy, happy baby. It is a mental adjustment when the predicted sex is incorrect, that is understandable, but I think I saw a thread a ways back about this, and the person said that parents are there to lead/hand hold their children through childhood, they are custodians, they are not the people who dictate who they can/cant be, their sex/sexuality etc. Even if you have a boy, who is to say what they choose one day. We just have to be the best parents we can be, and to raise them in the way we would want them to treat others. Good luck!

WildFlowerBees · 06/04/2022 18:46

You get to be the mum of a gorgeous little boy who you and your dp will bring up to be nothing like the men you awfully experienced. He is part you part your dp he will be scrumptious.

Donkeyinamanger · 06/04/2022 18:49

If you use the same logic surely having a girl would have been just as bad, as she would have been destined to be hurt by men all her life? You can bring up your boy to be a decent and considerate person. Having a Dad who is like that is a great start as DC generally copy what they see around them. Some counselling may not be a bad idea to help you mentally separate your DC from your history.

2ndBorn · 06/04/2022 18:50

Your precious son is not these men. He is yours, you are growing him, he can hear your heartbeat inside, he feels the warmth and comfort of you. He is not your abusers, although I understand why you are scared.

I have three boys and albeit the oldest is only 6 but they are lovely children and I’ll do my best to raise them into lovely men. You are mum that cares and wants to raise a good man and that is the main thing. It will be fine, it’s perfectly normal to feel how you feel (& what a shock being told a girl) so it’s OK to be sad for the baby you won’t have but honestly your little baby will be amazing Flowers

FTEngineerM · 06/04/2022 18:51

Those mean hurt you because they are scum not because they are men.

RussianSpy101 · 06/04/2022 18:51

I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through and I would definitely, meant kindly, seek counselling for that. You’ve had an awful lot to deal with in your life.
I would say you’ve now met a man you trust enough to have a family with, so you need to focus on that. You will be raising your son and you are in control of that.

JulieYS · 06/04/2022 19:30

You poor thing - I would be somewhat shocked by the change of news too! But I truly believe your natural mothering instincts will kick in, and you will come to deeply love your baby whatever the sex!

I agree with what many are saying on this thread. You can nurture your little son to become a beautiful human being, and not like those men who mistreated you.

And don’t lose faith that there are good men out there who are trustworthy and kind. True, they will have minor faults (when my husband is hangry, ie angry and/or hungry, he gets quite grumpy Smile), just as you and I have flaws (I get grumpy when I’m writing and need complete concentration), but on the whole I think we’re okay, after 28 years of marriage!

There’s no shame in seeking professional help if you need it.

dinoeggs · 06/04/2022 19:54

A baby is not capable of hurting someone or lying, you'll get to know your baby and love and trust him just like you've done with your partner.

My two boys are both very sensitive and loving.

ArtVandalay · 06/04/2022 19:58

Those men were a product of their environments. Your baby will not be raised in the same way. Don't think all men are bad - this is as ludicrous as saying all women are bitches.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 06/04/2022 20:02

I have a 6'3" rugby build Dh who is a big softie, we have two sons who are now mid-late teens. They are sweet, kind, caring, loving and thoughtful as they have an excellent role model in their Dh and I taught them how to behave around women too.

Ds1 is at uni, came home for Easter break having bought his Dad a birthday card and me a Mother's Day card. No prompting needed. He writes thoughtful messages in them too.

I completely understand your concerns but behaviour can be corrected and led by example. I am sorry that you have experienced such shit behaviour from some men especially given your age but you now have a lovely chap.

duvetdayforeveryone · 06/04/2022 20:10

YANBU to have these feelings. However, you do need to have some sort of therapy before baby arrives to resolve these feelings.

Twixie2022 · 06/04/2022 20:15

Aww OP Flowers. Here is your chance to help nurture, love and teach a boy how to be a good man. You have full control of this. Remember this baby is a product of you and his father who you feel safe with and trust.

I’m sorry the tech messed up, that must of been a massive shock. You are also completely within your rights to feel sad. But try look at it as a chance to raise this baby right and to be a man you are proud off. Xx

AnastasiaRomanov · 06/04/2022 20:18

@Crunched

You have the opportunity to make a man who is respectful and honest. A man who understands the vulnerability and the strength of women. Congratulations 006 Flowers
This. You can bring up your son to be a loving respectful man. We need them in the world. Sons are wonderful.
Nikki037297 · 06/04/2022 20:49

This beautiful little life your growing is going to be half you and half your wonderful partner. He’s not going to hurt anyone and especially not his mum, he’s going to need you and love you unconditionally and you him. Nothing and I promise nothing will ever get in the way of that.

MandUs · 06/04/2022 23:09

OP, I felt exactly like you when I was pregnant with DC2 and was told he was a boy. I was so upset, I couldn't imagine loving him. This went on the whole pregnancy.

However, the feeling went away really soon after birth, I would say a couple of days. And then he was just my baby. Funnily enough, quite a few years on and I have a much closer relationship with him than I have with my female child.

So my advice is. Don't be ashamed of your feelings, let them be what they are, don't beat yourself up. In all likelihood your worried will be unfounded once your lovely boy is here.

babyjellyfish · 07/04/2022 09:52

Aww, OP.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Flowers

Baby boys are beautiful, innocent, loving little people who have the potential to grow up to be anything. Your role as parents is to try and shape the way they grow up. There are good men in this world, of which your partner is one. We need more of them. We need more beautiful little boys being brought up by good parents to become good men.

Don't be afraid. Shower your little boy with love.

Trinacham · 07/04/2022 10:16

When you meet your son your view will change. Little boys are sweet and loving. You will be bringing him up to love and respect girls and women. He won't turn out like they did.

KylieCharlene · 07/04/2022 10:40

OP, how would you have felt having a little girl who may have grown up being treated as you were by men?
I'm guessing you'd have felt extremely anxious and worried about keeping her safe.
I think anxiety would be prevalent whatever the sex of your baby.
Your little boy is innocent and you will bring him up with good morals and values.
Get help with your anxiety so you can enjoy being a Mum and be the best Mum you can be.

Bluffysummers · 07/04/2022 12:10

I could have written this.

I found out with NIPT testing that I was having a boy at 13 weeks. To say I was disappointed was a understatement. To me it was made worse by the fact my first was a girl. I’m the eldest and have a younger brother who used to kick the shit into me, my mother let him and encouraged it. They used to physically discipline me together. He was the clear favourite and still is to this day. I was terrified of being afraid of my son, of him being like my brother and him hurting my first.

I’m glad I found out the sex because it gave me time to adjust.

Now he’s 3 months old and his little smile and giggle and his loving my daughter is with him, I know we’ll be different. I feel it in my bones. We can be the change :)

Swipe left for the next trending thread