Does my daughter NEED a sister?

[mama0f3]

I'm 1 of 3 and have 2 brothers and always felt (and told by many) that I was missing out growing up not having a sister. I know it's idealistic as some sisters don't have the best relationships. When I had dd I wasn't expecting it to be a girl and was so grateful just to have her and ds after 2 losses.

We're expecting dc3 after a long while and built myself up and was hoping for a dd so she could have what I didn't, was surprised it was ds2. Either way I am super grateful and hope for a healthy baby which I definitely don't take for granted and this baby will be loved.

My daughter always says she wants a healthy baby but has let on she would also love a sister. I have explained these things are out of our control.

We haven't shared the sex of the baby but we suspect she knows it's a boy which she's fine and excited about. She'll make an amazing sister. Her older brother doesn't seem to mind either way and the big gap not sure he'll be interested in interacting with a baby in his teenage years.

We do have such a close beautiful bond and I really hope it remains as she gets older. I have people telling me how amazing it is for daughters to have sisters and them growing up together, the bond etc.

I know often it's a case of personalities amongst kids rather than sex or age gaps so I'm sure she'll be fine either way as she has such an easy going personality.

I know these type of threads can end up really judgemental but just sharing my vulnerable and honest feelings hopefully in a safe space and would love to know if anyone has similar experiences.

No, she does not.

No she doesn't need a sister. Would a loving, caring sister who she gets on with benefit her life? Yes probably. But she can get the same from a female friend. I have 2 dsis. We all get on great but I'm extremely close to 1 of them. We're like twins in looks and personality. But I also have a best friend who doesn't have a sister and we're very close also. I have one dd and won't be having any more. She has similar age cousins and lots of friends so I hope she can create close and long lasting relationships with them.

l am the middle child of three daughters, we are all very close in age and get on well. We have been through thick and thin together and l am grateful to have them in my life, we don' t live in each others pockets but we always show up for one another. l would have liked a brother, my two sons are very close and get on really well, its been interesting to see the different dynamics between an all female relationship and an all male one yet both producing an equally strong bond.

I have 2DDs and no DSs. The 2 DDs are 2 years apart and get on like a house on fire. The younger one really adores and looks up
To the older one.

I have a DB. He is quite a few years younger. We get on well now although I wouldn't say we are close.

My mum has 3 sisters and only gets on with 1 of them. There are no guarantees! I have 2 boys and I love seeing their relationship, the brother bond is just as special if they get on. I have a brother and a sister and we are all close. I do think boys benefit from having a sister I reckon it makes them relate to women better as they grow up.
It sounds like you will have lovely family set up OP

I have 2 sons and a daughter (she's the middle child)

When she was young (primary) she wanted a sister but as an 18 year old, she's glad to be the only girl. When she was 3, she came along to my 20 week scan. She said she wanted a sister but when the sonographer said the baby was a boy she was still happy.

No.

No more than your DS would have missed a brother if this next child was female. Would you have worried about that?

Of course not.

I have four brothers, close to them all. Never dreamt of having a sister, just wasn't a thought I ever had.

Have always had close female friendships though, so I suppose that covered that.

I have a brother and sister, they are very close, me not particularly. We speak a few times a year but haven't seen either of them for a few years, usually weddings or funerals.

I didn't get on with my sister when we were children, I hated sharing a room with her, we are very different people, we have different colouring, different build, different personalities.

Surely all children ‘miss out’ in some way - oldest siblings miss out on what it’s like to have an older sibling, youngest miss out on having younger siblings, boys with only sisters miss out on having brother relationships etc etc etc

It’s not really ‘missing out’ she wont know any different

@mama0f3 i have girl, boy, boy and (like you) thought it'd be nice for my daughter to have a sister BUT I have since come to the conclusion that it's far better (for our family anyway) for a boy to have a brother. That's a close same sex relationship they'll have for life with no real effort.

Your daughter, like mine, will easily make friends who are girls, who she can have that easy relationship with - sisterhood. Not that boys don't do that, but knowing there's a brother for that? That's a bonus.

I don't know if I'm explaining that correctly. Hopefully you get my gist.

I hate peoples judgemental comments eg 'she needs a sister' especially as it's an area in which none of us have any control!!

We have 3 girls and you should hear the negative responses when we said no.3 was a girl "oh no! Not another one!" "Your poor husband". Really got to me at the time.

In our case #1 gets on great with #3 and #2 and #3 are very close too, but #1 & #2 fight like cat and dog.

There are, by coincidence, the same age gap between each of the 3. I really think it's down to personalities rather than sex or age gap.

No one 'needs' a sister. What a stupid thing to say,

I don't speak to mine.

I have a girl in between two boys. She's never expressed wanting a sister. She's very close to ds2 despite him behind further away in age. I think she likes having her own room. She's very girly so enjoys doing things one on one with me that the boys don't want to do.

There are benefits and downsides to all permutations of sibling relationships (and to only children). No one ‘needs’ anything!

It is almost entirely due to personality which you can’t determine by sex or age gap. In my personal experience bigger age gaps have better relationships and different sex get on more easily.

I have a surprising number of friends who have one sister with a small age gap (up to 2 years) and no other siblings. All of them have very close relationships with their sisters - it is really nice to see and I have at times been a little jealous (I have brothers and am not particularly close to them but get on well enough when we meet up).

However, in the case of friends who have more than one sibling (whether all the same sex or mixed), then it a much more mixed bag and not necessarily the case that they are closer to their sister(s) than brother(s)
I have 2 teenage DDs (and no other DC) who are close in age and get on very well. I hope it continues!

In an attempt to increase sample size, i asked them this morning if there are similar patterns with their friends. They reckon there is something in it, i.e. where their friends have just one sister they are generally close. Where there are 3 plus girls, they will tend to be closer to one sister than the other, and where there are also boys in the mix they will tend to have one sibling they are closest to which may or may not be a sister.

@WhyOhWine

I have a surprising number of friends who have one sister with a small age gap (up to 2 years) and no other siblings. All of them have very close relationships with their sisters - it is really nice to see and I have at times been a little jealous (I have brothers and am not particularly close to them but get on well enough when we meet up).

However, in the case of friends who have more than one sibling (whether all the same sex or mixed), then it a much more mixed bag and not necessarily the case that they are closer to their sister(s) than brother(s)
I have 2 teenage DDs (and no other DC) who are close in age and get on very well. I hope it continues!

In an attempt to increase sample size, i asked them this morning if there are similar patterns with their friends. They reckon there is something in it, i.e. where their friends have just one sister they are generally close. Where there are 3 plus girls, they will tend to be closer to one sister than the other, and where there are also boys in the mix they will tend to have one sibling they are closest to which may or may not be a sister.

This is so interesting. So I wonder if there is some sense that they are fulfilling an expectation that they be close, rather than sharing a natural bond. So if they weren’t related they might not be best friends but because they are two sisters they make the effort to get along? Obviously there has to be a desire from both to do this, so there must be a genuine regard for each other, but maybe not as strong as it might first appear.

@Climbingthelaundrymountain

I have a girl in between two boys. She's never expressed wanting a sister. She's very close to ds2 despite him behind further away in age. I think she likes having her own room. She's very girly so enjoys doing things one on one with me that the boys don't want to do.

How old are your dc?

My daughter is the youngest and has 2 brothers, the 3 of them have such unique relationships with each other and I couldn't imagine bringing another girls into the dynamic, I love how they support each other (in between the fighting). I have a sister and although close now, we were nothing like my 3 when we were younger

Interesting theory, Holly. Thinking about my 2, i don't think they would be in the same friendship group if they were not sisters (and were in the same year) - DD2 is "cooler" than DD1 apparently, although they like a lot of the same things and did the same types of activities when they were younger. I would say they are genuinely close and enjoy and seek out each other's company.

Whether that bond is a natural one or developed from an expectation that they would be close is hard to say but i think it is a real bond now. Although DD1 goes to university (touch wood) in the Autumn so i guess we will see then!

I think having a sister is great- just being the same sex increases the likelihood of them hanging out together more (also a reason women may want a daughter and men may want a son). Of course people will come on here and tell you this isn’t true but you see it at a young age, boys play with boys and girls play with girls. There are exceptions of course but I think having a sister is great. Equally though your son has a brother- how lucky is he!

My sister and I had nothing in common while growing up and were not close in the least but as adults we have become really good friends. I also have brothers but while we get along, I am not close to them.

My sister and I worry more about our parents and do more to support them with their health issues and other needs. So we talk more. My brothers show up if asked but don't take much initiative to reach out to them.

@Midlifemusings

My sister and I had nothing in common while growing up and were not close in the least but as adults we have become really good friends. I also have brothers but while we get along, I am not close to them.

My sister and I worry more about our parents and do more to support them with their health issues and other needs. So we talk more. My brothers show up if asked but don't take much initiative to reach out to them.

Yes similar scenario with my brothers too, being the only girl felt the responsibility a lot more especially as they have their own families now.

One of my brothers is caring and a real mummy's boy but still they both have to be told to step up a lot of the times.