Labour...how bad is it?

[motherofdragons54]

I'm approaching my due date and I'm freaking out. I already have a ds but he was born by emergency section after 20 hours of labour so I have experience with contractions but not vaginal delivery. This time I'm on track for a VBAC and I feel so scared of the unknown. I've been doing hypnobirthing practice with breathing techniques and it keeps reiterating how important it is to stay calm and breathe through the pain but I'm worried I will just panic.

I'm scared of tearing and stitches. I just feel so much more worried after having had things go so wrong in my last labour.

It’s fine.

By the time you get to the stage where you feel like you can’t do it anymore, your baby will be almost here.

The pain stops the second baby is out.

Don’t be worried about stitching, you won’t feel it being done.

Try to relax and go with your body. You’ve got this.

No one can really tell you as each birth is totally different with different levels of pain I've had 2 vaginal deliveries but 2 totally different experiences. my first I needed an episiotomy and vontouse delivery I also had an epidural as the pain was horrendous. But my 2nd was a breeze, labour was quick and labour pains were no where near a bad as with my first they were just totally different. I did tear on my 2nd and required stitches but didn't feel it at all I also didn't have any pain relief on my 2nd it was such an easy lovely experience. you're experience will be unique to you no 2 labour's are the same.

If it makes you feel somewhat better I didn't take any classes and this was pre covid.

I just didn't want to and didn't want to sit in a room with other pregnant ladies. I don't know why I just didn't 😂.

It is true in the fact your body does just know what to do. Don't forget you have a lovely midwife(s) guiding you through x

Honestly after 2 pregnancies and vaginal deliveries both with zero pain relief, I can hands down say the pregnancy is the worst bit!

I had to be induced both times (DS was 2 weeks late and DD was measuring small so they wanted her out). Both quick births and they were small babies so that helped as I'm only 5'2 but both were good experiences.

No tears or stitches.

And you get a beautiful baby at the end of it. Good luck OP

I wasn't convinced I could make Hypnobirthing work for the whole time so I also looked at more active birth pain management techniques- "Birth Skills by Juju Sundin". It in some ways is the opposite of hypnobirthing but I managed to use the two successfully. The main thing it gave me was a feeling of control as there was always something else to 'try' to manage the pain.

My first was challenging, 17 hours labour and a ventouse delivery but my second was amazing. 3 hours, contractions went from being apart every 12 mins to every 3 mins within what felt like seconds. Got to the hospital and was fully dilated.
Gas and air was my only pain relief. I did tear internally twice but I didn’t realise until they told me afterwards... the midwives aided baby out safely so there was no third degree tear.

I also did hypnobirthing, try to focus on your breathing and your visuals that you’ve learnt rather than the pain (that sounds mad but it does work!) my DP said that I was quiet the entire time and just breathing.

For me the healing process was the most difficult but stupidly I expected to be as right as rain after.

My DP bought me ladies incontinence nappy/pants and I swear they were a game changer. The big pants kept getting caught on my stitches and it made me shudder, whereas the pants I could just pull on and off. So much more expensive but worth it IMO.

Good luck and congratulations! You will be fab x

I found labour to be an enormous shock to my system from a pain perspective. Looking back on it now, I believe I felt so upset after the experience because of comments like those of pps. It is agony but then at the end, there is the ecstasy of your new baby and the pain being over immediately.
The pain of labour (for the majority )shouldn't be downplayed. We need to talk about it , like many other women's issues that are hush hushed. Finally, there are no prizes for martyrdom so look into all options and you do you. Good Luck op.

I've been induced twice, pessary and the drip. One ventouse delivery and my 2nd emergency forceps delivery. I had gas & air and pethidine for the 2nd delivery. Just gas and air with my first. Both deliveries required episiotomy and stitches. The forceps delivery was pretty rough but they had to get dd2 out quickly so just had to roll with it. Personally if I'd had another I would be requesting an epidural early. There are no medals for not having pain relief when its needed. My recovery from the 2nd delivery was tough, large episiotomy and a lot of bruising making it uncomfortable to sit. But warm baths helped. I would have a plan in mind but as you know it might not go to plan and then you just have to go with it. I will say my 2nd arrived a lot quicker post induction than my 1st did, within 12 hours compared to 3 days with my 1st.

Not as bad as pelvic girdle pain!

Honestly I found it physically very easy. I was in increasing discomfort for around 3 hours, then contractions became painful for maybe half an hour, then there was the sore bit where she was actually coming out, and that was it. Benefits of a 4lb baby I suppose.

Psychologically it was harder because I was at 33 weeks and neither I nor the midwives really knew I was in labour until the last half hour (by the time anyone bothered to check my cervix I was already 10 cm dilated), so it all seemed to happen rather suddenly. DH only just made it in time for the birth.

Hypnobirthing has some good parts although I think it can paint an overly rosy picture of how much "control" you can have over events and this can cause a lot of anguish if things don't go as "planned". I think it's really difficult to know how to prepare or what to say that will be helpful. Every birth is completely different so I dislike it when people say prescriptively "it WILL be like this/you will feel like this/if you do x then it will be y"

I think all we can really say is what happened to each of us and what helped or didn't help for us personally.

For me, I had one birth that was medically "textbook" and one birth that was life threatening for me and baby. The "textbook" one left me with PTSD and the life threatening one was a positive experience. The difference was the love and connection and respect I felt from my caregiver, who was a private midwife I had seen throughout my pregnancy. I don't know who will be looking after you but I have also heard of women employing doulas.