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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Labour...how bad is it?

62 replies

motherofdragons54 · 28/02/2022 19:02

I'm approaching my due date and I'm freaking out. I already have a ds but he was born by emergency section after 20 hours of labour so I have experience with contractions but not vaginal delivery. This time I'm on track for a VBAC and I feel so scared of the unknown. I've been doing hypnobirthing practice with breathing techniques and it keeps reiterating how important it is to stay calm and breathe through the pain but I'm worried I will just panic.

I'm scared of tearing and stitches. I just feel so much more worried after having had things go so wrong in my last labour.

OP posts:
OldKingCole · 28/02/2022 20:42

Very.
Just have an epidural- there’s no prizes here for being a martyr.

2ndBorn · 28/02/2022 20:43

I mean it hurt, it really hurt. There’s no pain like it. But I’ve had 3 vaginally so it clearly didn’t put me off! In hindsight the pushing stage was less painful than transitioning as the contractions had a purpose and my body just did it. The contractions before were worse!
Good luck with your VBAC Flowers

Bells3032 · 28/02/2022 20:45

Honestly I would say the contractions were worse than the pushing. Had gas and air for the contractions but they took it from me for the pushing for some reason. I planned an epidural but progressed too fast. The feeling was burning like when I had a sunburn rather than serious pain. I honestly couldn't feel contractions at that point just an innate need to push. I had a minor tear that required a single stitch.

DoobryWhatsit · 28/02/2022 20:47

The contractions are the worst bit, the actual delivery is easy. And there's honestly nothing in the world quite like that euphoric relief when the baby comes out. It's like when you've got a dodgy tummy on the tube, and you're not sure if you're gonna make it home before you actually shit your pants, and you're getting all panicky and sweaty .... and then that amazing feeling when you get to your own loo and just let it all out. Like that, but better.

Ps i was never aware of any tearing. I did have to have a few stitches with one but not with the others, but I couldn't have told whether I'd torn or not without the midwife telling me.

Isonthecase · 28/02/2022 20:55

It varies, my first hurt like hell and my second wasn't exactly enjoyable but was fine. Biggest thing I did that I think made a difference was making absolutely sure I'd done everything possible to prevent a back to back baby as they're more likely to take longer and the longer it takes the harder it is to cope with the pain.

autienotnaughty · 28/02/2022 21:14

I would say how long it takes plays a huge role. My first was over a day, I was overwhelmed tried many drugs etc and found it an awful experience. Next one was a couple of hours, totally manageable. Tore both times but no long term issues and tbh didn't feel it either time.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 28/02/2022 21:17

I had a vbac after an emcs at the end of a long labour. During the pushing stage I did think why the fuck did I not going for another c section but I wasn’t in a position to articulate it at that point. The recovery was a million times better with my vbac and honestly it was worth it for that.

3luckystars · 28/02/2022 21:20

They are all different, just like the babies.

I read a good book before my last birth by juju sundin, she is an Australian physiotherapist and goes through the whole process, and I felt very prepared! I would say my last birth was physically the most difficult but mentally I felt fantastic after it.

Trinacham · 28/02/2022 21:28

@OldKingCole

Very. Just have an epidural- there’s no prizes here for being a martyr.
I didn't have an epidural.. I didn't need one. Never felt like it was bad enough to need one. And I was someone who said I definitely would have one! I said I'd take any and all of the erugs! Just had gas and air. guess everyone has different pain tolerances and experiences!
Trinacham · 28/02/2022 21:29

Drugs*

Original poster
motherofdragons54 · 28/02/2022 21:35

Thank you all, this is reassuring (except perhaps the being hacked by scalpels story Shock).

I was never this frightened with my first but I suppose that's because I didn't know what was to come. I remember contracting at home during the night and thinking I was coping quite well. By the time I got to hospital I was 6cm! So I must have managed that part ok.

Hypnobirthing does make it sound all serene and primitive like your body will just know what to do and it'll all be great but I know from bitter experience that's not always the case.

OP posts:
Disneydatknee88 · 28/02/2022 21:38

The contractions are the worst bit. I felt a burning sensation when she crowned but that part was over so quickly. I was just sucking on that gas and air to get me through.

Rvah99877 · 28/02/2022 21:41

You’ve done the worst bit..contractions are horrific compared to the pushing stage in my experience anyway ..and I didn’t have any relief both times (first time because there was no time..second time by choice because the natural endorphin high you get is incredible). I would recommend a water north if you can have one..if really helped with the pain.

The hardest part I felt about pushing was letting go and trusting my body..first time round it took ages as I was scared of tearing and pain getting worse but it never did get worse! Good luck

roarfeckingroarr · 28/02/2022 21:42

It hurt but it wasn't that bad and I look forward to doing it again. For me the dilating was way more painful than pushing.

ShowOfHands · 28/02/2022 21:46

I think just go in with an open mind. I did hypnobirthing and listened to and trusted my body but it turns out, I can't give birth naturally. Both of mine ended in emcs. My body didn't know what to do either time. However, first time I was invested in it being natural and had a really tough time coming to terms with the interventions. Second time, I understood much more that educating yourself doesn't mean it's like an exam and if you try hard, you get a natural delivery. It means knowing what you'd like on each scenario, what your true options are, how to make CS and similar empowering experiences.

Good luck!

TheBirdintheCave · 28/02/2022 21:56

I did hypnobirthing :) My labour with my son took 36 hours start to finish but it was honestly fine. My TENS machine was so amazing that I didn’t need any other pain relief. I laboured at home until about 8pm on the night he was born and arrived at hospital at 10cm. The pushing was the best part because all of the pain went away. He took 2.5 hours to be born after that. I did need an episiotomy at the end as his heart rate dropped but this was fine and I felt nothing, nor did I feel the third degree tear I got afterwards. About ten minutes after he was born I remember saying ‘That was fine, I’d definitely do that again.’ :)

konasana · 28/02/2022 22:00

The actual pushing out bit was actually fine as I went into The Zone and just got incredibly focussed and calm. Don't forget, if you are feeling worried about the pain you can opt for an epidural - I had hoped for that (why go through the pain if you don't have to?) but it was too late by the time we got to hospital.

Notwithittoday · 28/02/2022 22:06

There’s really not much point asking. Some people will have a manageable time of it and find it ok, others will have a horrendous time and everything in between. There are so many variables in childbirth that will impact on your experience.
Hypnobirthing is a good idea. I wish I’d done that as I relied on the idea I was going to get pain relief both times and didn’t get any both times so was on my own so to speak. I would not be afraid or reluctant to use pain meds either as there will be no medals given out for endurance. As for tearing, I tore with my second and didn’t feel it. I think it’s quite hard to feel anything beyond contractions when you’re that far into it.

bluebird3 · 28/02/2022 22:19

I'll just say I'm having an epidural 2nd time around 😬

snakewillow · 28/02/2022 22:22

You've done the hard bit already as you have experienced contractions. Once I could push I honestly can't even remember it hurting any more as you have something to focus on.

I did tear and need stitches but I didn't feel it and found it far easier to recover from than my planned CS I had with my second DC.

2under2howscary · 28/02/2022 22:25

The dilation is worse than the pushing! My second was too quick there wasn't time for pain relief. Contractions were horrendous but you do it because you have too, the pushing was fine. I tore and grazed and Didn't feel either xx

springbaby22 · 28/02/2022 23:04

@motherofdragons54

Thank you all, this is reassuring (except perhaps the being hacked by scalpels story Shock).

I was never this frightened with my first but I suppose that's because I didn't know what was to come. I remember contracting at home during the night and thinking I was coping quite well. By the time I got to hospital I was 6cm! So I must have managed that part ok.

Hypnobirthing does make it sound all serene and primitive like your body will just know what to do and it'll all be great but I know from bitter experience that's not always the case.

Yes. Avoid horror stories and try and focus on positive birthing experiences, this will help with mindset hopefully. How far do you have left?
madeleine85 · 01/03/2022 00:28

I went to a useful childbirthing class and there were a few good learning points:

  • When you feel like giving up you're almost there. Like truly giving up. The midwives get all excited. It is a stage of labour and you're in transition to the final go.
  • Try to breathe through contractions/do a yoga ohm not a scream. Logically screaming (seen in films mostly) causes you to tense up, and does the opposite of speeding up labour. Mine recommended mooing like a cow which is like a yoga ohm and relaxes your body. My husband thought this was hilarious at the class.
  • No matter how it goes, you have birthed a child, whether C section or otherwise. You still gave birth.

Personally, when I went to hospital my contractions were so bad I asked for medication although I was planning not to. They didn't believe that I was really in labour as it was my first and the middle of the night/I was only 2 CM. Took their time, didn't call my doctor. An hour later I sent my husband to check on the medication as the pain was really intense. I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand. Now I realise that I was almost finished labour and didn't know. The baby was almost out and the nurse came in, blindly panicked and asked me to stop which i couldnt. Comically bad, but the contractions when they really started in the final 2 hours were worse than the actual final steps. I had a very small tear as it had been so quick, and I didn't feel that at all. They numb you for the stitching, so I didn't feel that, and so much is going on around you that you are completely distracted anyway. Every labour experience is different, there is no shame in getting an epidural or c section. In the end I am glad I did not get the pain medication as my DD was a premie and it apparently could have caused her to be more sleepy/harder to breathe, that was just random luck it didn't arrive in time. Ultimately, I had one "normal" delivery and I am planning to do the same for my second, but probably go to the hospital earlier this time and to make it to full term :). Good luck for yours, I hope it goes well. Try to relax, look up some relaxing birthing techniques. You might not use them, but knowing you have "prepped" might help you feel more in control of the situation.

madeleine85 · 01/03/2022 00:31

Also make sure to get some witch hazel pads and the perineal water bottle to rinse off after you pee post birth. That will make a big difference. Stiches (should you have any) tend to nip a tiny bit for a few days after you go. Better to have them to hand in case needed than be searching asda after :)

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 01/03/2022 00:40

I recommend raspberry leaf tea to speed up labour. Standing/walking as much as you can. I loved my heatpack or hot shower on the bump during contractions. Seriously you wouldn't believe the difference they can make.