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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant and don’t want it

27 replies

Araevix · 28/02/2022 15:40

Hello. So I may sound so selfish but I really just need some advice, that’s not from friends or family. I already have a 2 yo and me and her father have been separated for a year, I’ve been with my current partner only a few months and recently found out I’m pregnant… with TWINS. It is my own fault, we weren’t using protection as we always had the thought of what will be will be and I was genuinely excited to potentially start a family ( partner and I have history beyond my older child’s father) but when I found out I was pregnant all I did was cry at the reality of it and when I found out it was twins, well it made it even worse. I originally said I wasn’t sure if I wanted to carry on the pregnancy, due to timing , finances and just everything. But my partner is so excited said it’s something he’s wanted since before he can remember, so I pushed myself to be excited and I thought i would naturally grow to be excited about this pregnancy, but it’s just getting worse. The more time is going on the more I realise that I’m only doing this for my partner and his family. I know the family that I have told so far will understand my decision (I am only 23) but all of his family and him are so excited and his parents have gone on to tell all of his extended family (much to my anger). But on the other hand knowing what baby’s grow into I am worried I will regret my decision if I decide not to go ahead with the pregnancy especially because it’s two. I am trying to be an adult about this and really think this through but I feel like I am making decisions based on other people’s feelings. Sorry for the long post . Also I am 7 weeks pregnant so far

OP posts:
Billybagpuss · 28/02/2022 16:08

Hi @Araevix

The only thing I can really advise is whatever you choose to do, do it because it’s what you want. Not because other people are excited, they are not the ones to carry them, deliver them and raise them. You are the one who needs to make the decision, the responsibility lies with you.

How is your relationship generally? Is he ready for the reality of 3 children under 5 and one of which is not his?

Sending all the best wishes, take some time, but do what feels right for you.

Original poster
Araevix · 28/02/2022 16:25

Thank you for replying! It was so good before I got pregnant, now it’s very rocky. But im not sure if im just projecting or if it genuinely isn’t working, im not going to lie we haven’t really spoken about it, which again is alarming in itself. My last birth and pregnancy was also traumatic and I was in a very toxic relationship with her father, and only the last 8 months have really built myself up to be the person I was before that relationship broke me. I think it’s even worse for me as it’s twins, im thinking how will I cope, financially, mentally, it’s sad because Im trying to talk myself into being happy that im pregnant , but I never felt like this with my first, even in the relationship I was in, im so confused

OP posts:
YforWanky · 28/02/2022 16:27

That sounds very tricky Sad

When did you find out it was twins? How long have you had to come to terms with that?

Original poster
Araevix · 28/02/2022 16:28

I found out I was pregnant at the end of January, found out it was twins two weeks ago, I thought by now it would have sunk in, and I’d be over the moon, but it’s quite the opposit 😥

OP posts:
BeaAggressiv · 28/02/2022 16:31

You found out it was twins at 5 weeks?

You can't even see a fetal heartbeat till 6/7 weeks so how does that work?

SailingNotSurfing · 28/02/2022 16:31

Terminating a twin pregnancy is no different than terminating a singleton, but is that what you really want? I wonder if counselling will help you. Just because your last pregnancy and birth was traumatic doesn't mean this one will be. Is your partner supportive?

Original poster
Araevix · 28/02/2022 16:34

I was 5weeks and 4 days pregnant when I seen two heartbeats, that’s what they were measuring at the time of the scan

OP posts:
Original poster
Araevix · 28/02/2022 16:35

It’s not that there is a difference between the two, because a termination is a termination. It’s the thought of it.

OP posts:
Nelliephant1 · 28/02/2022 16:41

It's very early days, a bit of a shock to be pregnant and a bigger bit of a shock for it to be twins!! There's no rush, give yourself some time, the fact that your partner and his family are so supportive is wonderful. It sounds as though you'll have many kern babysitters and helpers when the babies arrive so you'd definitely not be on your own as you perhaps were with your oldest.

It sounds like it much better a much better and happier situation this time found for you.

Theregoesmyhomebirth · 28/02/2022 16:44

I'm pregnant with twins and although it was a much wanted pregnancy, the shock was huge and took me weeks to process it. Whatever you decide, don't put a timescale on your emotional response, it's not that simple.

Piggyk2 · 28/02/2022 16:53

@Araevix

I was 5weeks and 4 days pregnant when I seen two heartbeats, that’s what they were measuring at the time of the scan
How did you manage to get a scan so early on??

Sorry if I haven't worded this properly but I agree with OP the thought of aborting twins is far worse as there's two! It's bitter sweet and your still young for 3 kids under 5.

Original poster
Araevix · 28/02/2022 16:59

I was bleeding and cramping so I’ve had three scans In the epu and then when they seen the heartbeats they discharged me, also because of my previous pregnancy , I should have said this in my previous posts

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 28/02/2022 17:04

Would echo that you have to do what’s right for you, however hard it is on other people.

You first duty is the family you have - which is you and your daughter. A boyfriend of a few months is not a partner.

Can you handle a 2 year old alongside twins, especially if your relationship with the father broke down (which is not unlikely, TBH)? And - do you want to? Will you be able to work, or could a baby land you in poverty?

If you don’t think it’s in the best interests of you and your toddler, and you don’t want a baby in your heart, then you just need to quickly and as kindly but firmly as possible explain that to your boyfriend that you aren’t able to continue the pregnancy. Leave his family to him. It will be the end of your relationship obviously, but it sounds like you have a supportive family.

Not wishing to give you a tough time during a tough time, especially as you are so young - but as the mother of a two year old you do need to start being responsible about birth control in order to build a stable future for the pair of you. Both you and your BF sound very emotionally young.

Original poster
Araevix · 28/02/2022 17:19

We are young, right now I work full time, while also looking after my daughter, I feel like I’ve just got back on my feet and finding the best routine for us, and now I’m worried I’m going to have to start all over again

OP posts:
caringcarer · 28/02/2022 17:26

I think you made a big mistake in telling your partners family whilst still 7 weeks. You have put more pressure on to yourself. As your partner is so excited, do you think he will be a hands on Dad and do his share of caring for twins? Sounds like his family may well help out with twins too. You will have 3-4 hard years ahead of you but once twins in childcare life will become easier for you, then once all children at school easier again, provided partner sticks to his word and even if you should split up he needs to understand he still has responsibility to his children. He will need to provide financial support try too. Does he have as job? Will he move in with you to help? You need to talk it all through with partner before making any decisions. You will get more tired carrying twins, he will need to step up for you all and be kind to your dd too.

Nikki037297 · 28/02/2022 17:26

Only you can decide on what you feel is best. 23 is not young. I had my 3rd at 23 and it worked just fine. I do believe everything happens for a reason and always have believed that. I think you went into this relationship having unprotected sex knowing full well the consequences at 23 and having a child. Only you can decide not your partners family or anyone else. Give yourself time to get over the shock of twins maybe a week or so and see how you feel

Jamaisy82 · 13/03/2022 15:28

Hi can I ask what you have decided? I'm in a similar situation but I am now 13 weeks but I'm 39 years old, since I found out I was pregnant I've felt nothing but doom and even depressed. I have one son and he is 21 and this means starting all over again. I have had terrible nausea all day and felt very unwell whilst trying to work also. I only told my partner at first as didn't want to tell anyone till after 12 weeks. I'm still not happy just fearful I don't want to tell anyone because I'm so depressed. I even booked for an abortion just in case but know I'm too late on now to go ahead. Stressed to bits.

Original poster
Araevix · 13/03/2022 18:15

Hi, I’m booked in for a termination Tuesday, I spoke with a councillor a few times to see if it would help, but more solidified my decision. Im sorry you’re feeling this way, only you can decide what’s right for you, he told me that it’s okay to be selfish at times like this, I’ve been tearful but I know this is the right thing for me and my daughter

OP posts:
Original poster
Araevix · 13/03/2022 18:16

Also, in the uk where I am , 13 weeks is not too late, not telling you what to do , just letting u know

OP posts:
Bromse · 13/03/2022 18:21

@Araevix

Hi, I’m booked in for a termination Tuesday, I spoke with a councillor a few times to see if it would help, but more solidified my decision. Im sorry you’re feeling this way, only you can decide what’s right for you, he told me that it’s okay to be selfish at times like this, I’ve been tearful but I know this is the right thing for me and my daughter
I wish you all the best, Araevix. I'm sure you will be fine. Do take it easy for a while afterwards and nurture yourself. x
Bromse · 13/03/2022 18:24

@Jamaisy82

Hi can I ask what you have decided? I'm in a similar situation but I am now 13 weeks but I'm 39 years old, since I found out I was pregnant I've felt nothing but doom and even depressed. I have one son and he is 21 and this means starting all over again. I have had terrible nausea all day and felt very unwell whilst trying to work also. I only told my partner at first as didn't want to tell anyone till after 12 weeks. I'm still not happy just fearful I don't want to tell anyone because I'm so depressed. I even booked for an abortion just in case but know I'm too late on now to go ahead. Stressed to bits.
You are not too late, Jamaisy. If you want a termination, go for it as soon as you can. If you are currently 13 weeks by date, you are probably actually approximately 11 weeks pregnant. Do what you think is best for you and your son. Good luck. x
Jamaisy82 · 13/03/2022 18:43

Araevix I'm glad you are doing what is best for you. I am actually booked in for Thursday surgical. I've been waiting over 5 weeks to get an appointment, just kept changing my mind but I know deep down I just don't want another child but also petrified of regret , also scared of the whole thing. I'm sure il make correct decision in the end. Hope everything goes well for you.

Jamaisy82 · 13/03/2022 18:45

Bromse, thanks sp much for the kind words. I'm just scared I suppose.

Buttons294749 · 13/03/2022 18:53

FlowersOP, it sounds like you have made the best decision for DD and you x

Bromse · 13/03/2022 21:04

@Jamaisy82

Bromse, thanks sp much for the kind words. I'm just scared I suppose.
Of course you are, that's natural, but you will be all right, honestly. It will soon be over. Do you have anyone to go with you on Tuesday?
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