Am I selfish in wanting a homebirth?

[peggotty]

I know that lots of people will say no, that's it's my right etc but part of me can't help feeling a bit guilty about my planned homebirth.
I told the mw as soon as I was pg that I wanted a homebirth for this, my 2nd baby, and I am now nearly 37 weeks. I can't help getting the distinct impression that it's nothing but trouble to mw's when someone wants a homebirth. Firstly, I have barely seen the same mw twice as the usual one had been off ill for quite a number of months (she's back now), so continuity of care has been an issue anyway but more than one mw has said to me that there are only two mw's on call for homebirth and that if they are busy I'll have to go into hospital etc. I know that I don't have to and that if I insist they are obliged to send someone out but I worry then that I am depriving someone in hospital of a mw; as we are always being told, there are mw shortages. I know that I would just go to hopsital in that situation, but I am starting to wonder if I should just have a hospital birth anyway.
I've just had call from the mw who was supposed to be coming out to the house today to go through the preparation for the birth and presumably leave a homebirth pack, but she's asked me to go to the gp surgery to see her instead as she's been so busy with her clinic today. Part of me thinks I shouldn't be contributing to their workload and part of me is actually slightly concerned with the crap care that I have received so far will extend to the actual birth as well. Or is it just that I am an unassertive wimp?!

You sound a bit low

I don't think that you're selfish for wanting a homebirth, but then my DS was born at home so I am a little biased . On a purely practical note, I don't think it's as simple as you depriving women in hospital of midwifes. Not sure if it's the same in your area, but I called the on call community midwife when I was in labour. Also in terms of resources, homebirth can mean less(expensive) intervention, so you could actually save the NHS money - there are figures around somewhere...

Is it more that you're at 37 weeks and starting to get that due date looming niggle?

Hope all goes well for you

peggotty you are NOT being selfishh.
I got the same stuff thrown at me "only 2 midwives, you'll have to go to hosp if they can't get there" etc etc etc
In fact, I got so tired of listening to them constantly telling me the negatives that I ended up refusing to discuss it with them.

it actually turns out that (in my area at least) it just is NOT true.
When I called them to say I was in labour the first midwife came out to assess me. She then called the second midwife but couldn't get hold of her so called someone else to come instead. So, turns out there are at least 3!!!
Our town has many, many GP's surgeries and each of those has a community midwife. these all are based at the local hospital and there are several there all the time during the day because they are doing booking in appts and other things so there are always more on duty than just 2. I think that perhaps if you are calling them at night then you will have less, but I still suspect that there may well be more than 2 on duty.
you won't take one away from a delivery suite0 you will get another community midwife.

WEhat you can do if you are genuinely worried is write to the head of midwifery at your hospital and also to the PCT and tell them that you have been planning a homebirth since x date. You have some concerns about their staffing and you suggest that they sort it out around your due date because you WILL be having a homebirth and their lack of staffing is THEIR problem and not yours.
I have heard tell that some trusts will pay for an independant midwife if they feel they simply will not have enough staff. so you could also suggest this to them as a way forward.

Hi MaeWest
It may partly be general nerves as the due date looms, but I honestly feel that while there's not been outright disapproval at the planned homebirth, the mw's I've seen have not exactly been all that supportive about it either. It may be that they've all just been rushed off their feet and haven't had time to discuss it in any detail. Not one of them has yet asked me how I plan to feed this baby either. I'm planning to breastfeed for the first time and thank god for the likes of the kellymom website and MN for reading up about it! I realilse that antenatal care now is, to a certain extent, what you make of it yourself and you have to ask to get etc, but I can't help feeling like nothing more than 'a number' to them iykwim....

oh and also, I never saw the same midwife more than once during my pregnancy but the 2 who attended me at home were without doubt the most loveliest people I have ever met. I couldn't have wished for better midwives.

remember, those that choose to attend homebirths WANT to, they enjoy doing it and they are supremely confidant in their ability, otherwise they wouldn't be doing- so trust in them

hope all goes to plan

You are not at all selfish. I had 2 homebirths and they were lovely, if different. The first was in UK where the GP and tried to dissuade me and the first midwife who attended through most of my labour was crap. She 'disapproved' (ie was scared of) HB and had only attended one before mine. For the actual birth, a lovely, supportive, experienced and very positive midwife was also there. The second HB was in Holland where it is very common and normal for uncomplicated pregnancies to result in having the baby at home. My male midwife was fabulous and the birth itself was quick and problem free.

Stick to your guns

fingerwoman, I know that's the sort of stuff I should be doing, but honestly, I haven't got the get-up-and-go to do it at the moment - I am just too knackered and fed-up to saddle up my horse and ride out on a crusade ! I think that as Starlight has suggested I will speak to the mw today about these concerns. The mw I am seeing today actually suggested to me after the very fast birth of my dd that I might want to consider a homebirth for this pregnancy, so she bloody well should be more supportive of it!

Peggotty - I'm sorry they've made you feel this way, as Starlight said it's the last thing you need right now. I didn't mean to dismiss your feelings

My mw was pretty non-committal about hb (was my first tho) and she said things like 'well you can try, but you'll probably end up transferring', so I really know how you feel. To be fair to her, she did end up being the second mw and delivered DS. She was v calm, supportive etc during the birth, even tho I hadn't warmed to her during antenatal appts.

I would say tho that post-natal care was practically non-existent, especially regarding help with bf (we unfortunately ended up in hosp when DS was a week old). I would say be very persistent about asking for help, have bf helpline numbers to hand, and MN of course.

Yes, you are being selfish in wanting a homebirth in that this is what's best for you and baby and should, in fact, be normal. After all birth is not an illness.
Why shouldn't you have the best experience for you?

But NO, you are not being selfish in that if you compromise on this then the message that you are giving the beaurocrats is that we don't need more funding, trained mw and childbirth resources.

We can all do our bit by standing up and saying this is how we want to birth our babies, we need mw trained in normal birth and confident in homebirths and we also need our mw to be trained to deal with all the variations of normal childhbirth which includes but is not limited to breech births!

If you get anymore emotional blackmail (their staffing and funding issues are NOT your problem) then contact AIMSurgently to get support.

Stay strong

MaeWest, don't worry, you didn't dismiss my feelings at all! It IS partly general nerves, you got it right!

Klaw, funnily enough I was just thinking to myself today, giving birth is not an illness so why should I feel obliged to go to hospital to do it!

Ok, feeling quite bolstered up by the support here, will talk to the midwife - I'll be seeing her in half an hour....

I'm sorry you don't feel you're getting support from your m/w. You're doing the right thing by talking to her about it.

Funny, in my area they were positively trying to convince me to have a hb with DD2 suppose it just depends on the mw.

Hope all goes well with the mw

did you know that a home birth, despite the need for two midwifes, is cheaper and easier on resources than a hospital birth? Stick with the plan!

could it just be that your midwife has been a bit rushed because of holidays that other members of her team may have taken. In my area I see a community midwifery team and I know that my normal midwife has been away for a month and with others on holiday the remaining midwives have been hectic picking up the work load so maybe its the same with yours and things should calm down for them now the christmas & new year period are over.

Well voiced my concerns with the mw, and she was pretty good about it. She said that she had rarely had anyone have to go into to hospital because of understaffing, which was my main concern. I just wish I had been seeing her all along as she seems to know her stuff and is calm and supportive. I think you probably have a point, lailasmum about the other team members who were covering while this main mw was off ill, they were always rushed and my appointments were always up to an hour late. Feel a lot better about it now. Interesting to know that a home birth is cheaper!! Thank you for all the responses.

btw CONGRATULATIONS Starlight!

Can I just add that if you are told when you go into labour that nobody can come out to you, it's worth throwing a bit of a wobbly about it. I was told to go into the labour ward when my waters broke, on the basis that the drongo on the end of the phone 'couldn't find anyone' from my community team...I flatly insisted I wouldn't, and lo and behold she found two midwives. Who were marvellous. And delivered my baby in my front room seven hours later.

of course not ! and contact AIMS if there is any of this 'you'll have to come in if we are short staffed' , there are form letters on there to copy....

don;t choose your place on delivery on what you think is best for the midwives!

every woman is supposed to be able to choose th e place she gives birth...

the MW shortages are not your fault, please don;t allow that to cloud your choice.

good luck

ps. congrats starlight x

I think there was another thread giving figures to show homebirths less expensive. Plus - although the midwives may be giving you the impression its more work and stress etc. they may actually feel differently - I felt the midwives were very sceptical about whether I could manage a homebirth (first baby - 'it can be very painful you know' etc.). However, they were all obviously really pleased and proud after my baby's birth (lovely homebirth, all fine), to the extent that a friend's midwife told her about it all at a postnatal check, so it had obviously been worth commenting on, and positively.

I bet they love it really!

Good luck! Try to ignore any negative vibes!

Im having a homebirth with this one and have my sister ready and waiting to throw a 'wobbler' down the phone if they try to make excuses . my normal mw thinks hb are lovely but did add she wouldnt be happy doing one by herself. the other mw i saw though (who is in charge) has tried to put me off. i was measuring 2 weeks behind (i always do im tall) and she started banging on that if baby was thought to be small i ould have to go to hospital. this was after i ahd explained that my last 2 had always been behind and that they were 6lb 9 and 7 lb 5! think shes looking for reasons to be honest

starlight,, if you want any help / support/ info, email me and i will do my best to help or point you in the right direction xx