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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the sex of your baby - Did you regret it ? Did it make the birth seem different ?

34 replies

FoghornLeghorn · 02/01/2008 12:56

I know this has been done before but I wanted to ask and can't be bothered to trawl !

We have 2 DD's and are expecting DC3 in August. I am really torn between finding out what we are having or just leaving it until the birth. With our 2 DD's I absolutely loved DH telling me what we had but am thinking this time it might be good to know in advance. My thoughts are :

We could prepare DD1 (DD2 too young to realise) for whether she will be having a brother or sister (When we had DD2 she asked for ages where the boy baby was !)
If we are having a boy it may be handy to know in advance, what with having 2 girls we have nothing suitable for a boy (obv would get new things in either instance but would have lots more to buy with a boy).
If it's a girl DH could get his head around it, as although he says he would happy with either, I know that after 2 DD's he is secretly hoping for a DS.

BUT ...... equally I don't want to regret the decision and I don't want it to take away from the excitement by already knowing what we are having (although I doubt this would happen)

What do you think ?

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Original poster

FoghornLeghorn · 02/01/2008 13:06

Roll up ! Roll up !

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lulumama · 02/01/2008 13:09

I found out with both of my DCs, one DS and one DD.. i just could not wait 9 months to find out ! I felt there were enough surprises, so i wanted as much knowledge before hand which included the gender

what about DH only finding out?

BoysAreLikeDogs · 02/01/2008 13:09

Practical side says, yes, find out the sex.

Romantic side says no, wait, there is no other surprise on earth like finding out at the birth if you have a boy or a girl.

Congratulations,BTW

Mum2b2BabyRoo · 02/01/2008 13:10

You need to weigh up what would mean more to you - the excitement of finding out on the day baby is born or the practical reasons of finding out now. My opinion though is that it will be exciting whenever you find out!

JodieG1 · 02/01/2008 13:13

I found out with all 3 of mine. I didn't see waiting until the birth as romantic in the slightest, I loved finding out and to me it was the same as at the birth. For me it was more enjoyable knowing as we could think about a definite name and I hated calling the baby "it". I wanted to know what I was having and never once regretted it.

I really never saw it as the "surprise" some people do, just didn't seem like that to me. One of my pet hates actually is people saying they waited until the birth as they wanted a surprise. I just can't stand it. Just my personal opinion.

Seeing those 2 lines appear on the pregnancy test was the best surprise I've ever had.

kerala · 02/01/2008 13:15

What I cant stand is people that were sanctimonious about not finding out as if they should get a medal or something. So annoying!

sweetkitty · 02/01/2008 13:17

foghorn - I've posted on another thread but anyway I am the exact same as you, 2DDs and due in July .

We will be finding out the sex we found out with both DDs (had a 3d scan with DD2 which was amazing). I don't think it took anything away from the birth but then again I didn't have the surprise so don't know would have to ask someone who has known with one and not the other.

I know secretly DP would like a boy I don't care really but I think it's good to know from a practical point of view. We can also argue about one set of names instead of two. I think it made me bond more with the baby before it was born, she had a name, was a she, I bought tonnes and tonnes of pink, it made it more real.

DD1 refuses to believe the idea of a boy at all, apparently it is a baby girl called Rosie!

At the end of the day I think it's one of those highly personal things some people want to know some don't.

Original poster

FoghornLeghorn · 02/01/2008 13:17

No way I could let DH find out and not me, it would absolsutely kill me. It's more me raising the question rather than DH, he says he is happy to wait but I am slightly concerned he may for a split second be the teensy bit disappointed if it's not a DS.
It's a hard decision to make I think.
I am one of these who has always said I would never find out as the surprise at the end is the best bit (part from having a healthy baby of course) but I am questioning it now

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TigerFeet · 02/01/2008 13:19

I only have the one so I can't comment on different birth experience... but... I found out I was having a girl and I'm not sorry I did. We were as sure as you can be with these things - she opened her legs and gave us a really good look so we bought girl stuff for her. If I were to have another i definitely would find out, partly for the practicalities, partly because if there is info available I have to know, and finally because I knew with dd and I don't feel it spoiled anything. We told people we were having a dd but kept her (possible) name to ourselves so they still had news when she was born (other than the birth obv!)

Maveta · 02/01/2008 13:19

agree with Jodie (and Kerala! lol) - at the 20 wk scan I was still a bit detached from the whole idea, finding out it was a boy and being able to talk to him and talk about names for him really helped both dh and I to bond with him. I would definitely find out next time, the surprise was just as much of a surprise when they told us at the scan and helped us get through the next 20 long weeks of waiting!

Original poster

FoghornLeghorn · 02/01/2008 13:20

That's it SweetKitty, I think it would make me bond more - with having 2 DD's tearing around I don't really get chance to sit and wonder (apart from when I'm on MN of course) about the baby so it wouldbe nice to know so we could refer to he or she. It would be great to start buying clothes and sorting nursery etc.
I have already caught DH refering to 'him' a few times and have had to pull him up on it.

If you found out did you tell your family too or just keep the knowledge between you & DH ?

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DanJARMouse · 02/01/2008 13:21

I too had 2DD's when I fell pg. We decided to find out the sex of the baby at a 4D scan.

It was a boy. We were over the blardy moon. DD1 was able to relate to the "bump" as being her baby brother (again, DD2 was/is too young to care!)

We found it so much easier to know, we were able to paint his bedroom blue, buy blue clothes and just generally able to plan better.

It has to be a joint decision though.

I dont regret finding out for a second!

Maveta · 02/01/2008 13:22

oh, and also it was partly because I knew dh wanted a girl so much and I did suspect he'd be a bit disappointed if it was a boy (relatively speaking etc etc, you know what I mean) and I was sure it was.. thought if we got on and found out, if he did have even a smidgen of 'oh', he could get over it before the birth! lol. as it was, of course he was thrilled to bits.

Original poster

FoghornLeghorn · 02/01/2008 13:23

TigerFeet you sort of anwered my question there re: telling people. Our friends had a baby in October which we new the sex of and his name long before he was born and I must admit when he was born it did seem a bit strange already knowing what he was and what his name was.

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Original poster

FoghornLeghorn · 02/01/2008 13:25

Was hoping you'd see this DanJARMouse as I knew you were in the same boat too.
Totally has to be a joint decision.
I keep saying to DH if we are at scan and the sonogropher says do you want to know what you are having would be really be able to say no - I don't think I could.

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clur79 · 02/01/2008 13:26

i found out and loved it, didn't seem to take anything away at the birth and i had already bought him so many clothes - so made it all cheaper. i loved knowing and have never regreted it.

Original poster

FoghornLeghorn · 02/01/2008 13:27

Ooooh you are all swaying me ...... .
I would love to find out but not tell anyone else but I am just like my nickname suggests and wouldn't be able to keep quiet !

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JodieG1 · 02/01/2008 13:28

We told everyone what we were having as well, the name was confirmed after they were born though.

TigerFeet · 02/01/2008 13:29

Foghorn - my Mum was disappointed that she was told as we had originally said we weren't going to find out. Conversely MIL was delighted to find out as she was hoping for a girl (she had a stillborn dd before dh came along - he now is an only child).

People's reactions will vary. However the option to find out yourselves and not to tell anyone is there, however if you tell your dd's don't expect them to keep it quiet

DanJARMouse · 02/01/2008 13:32

We initially said we wouldnt tell anyone - within an hour of the scan my dad, brother and SIL all knew!

Within 24hrs of the scan, MIL/SIL and that side of the family knew!

The only person who didnt know was my Gran, it was a complete suprise for her, and she still keeps saying 5 weeks on " you must be so thrilled he is a boy" and Im like "ive known since July!

DoesntTheFestiveSeasonDragOn · 02/01/2008 13:38

I found out with BabyDragon (3rd born ) The only people who knew were PIL, parents and my then 98yo gran.

It didn't take away any excitement for me knowing she was a girl (I even double checked at a 37 week growth scan) as there was till all the excitement of meeting her. TBH, finding out the sex at the scan was nicer because with DSs it was lost amongst the "Thank f*ck that's over" feeling. In a way, I had 2 surprises as finding out the sex and meeting my baby were separate events

DoesntTheFestiveSeasonDragOn · 02/01/2008 13:39

The only people we told her name before her birth were PIL as FIL was ill with cancer and wasn't expected to make it.

Original poster

FoghornLeghorn · 02/01/2008 13:43

See that's nice Soupy and although I have no-one ill in my family at present, I tend to have this thought process that if anything happened to the baby we would know what we were having and would have already given a name. And equally god forbid if something happened to DH or a close relative that they would know (I have such morbid thoughts)

OP posts:

kkey21 · 02/01/2008 13:44

I found out quite by accident but before that was completely against it! I had a 3d/4d scan and the lady asked if we wanted to know, which i didn't....She then said she would stay away from 'that area!' but my little person had other ideas and all of a sudden jumped up and i shouted out 'i can see his willy!' she quickly shut me up by syaing 'no that could have been the cord' just then the cord floated but a different side of the screen!
Rumbled!
So then we agreed that moment to confirm it as if i hadn't i would have spent the rest of the pregnancy wondering!

This time i think i just want me and dp to know if we do find out until the birth (of which my midwife mother will be there!)

Notquitegrownup · 02/01/2008 13:46

We found out with ds1. I just had to know, so that I could talk to him, and it took nothing away from the birth. I just couldn't wait to meet him.

We used the line that "They can't be 100% sure, even with these modern scans, but we think we might be looking for blue hats/gloves" with the relatives - even though he had given us a really good look at his tackle! It took a bit of pressure off, not having to tell everyone and cope with whether they wanted to know or not.

I found out with ds2, as I wanted to prepare ds1. He desparately wanted a brother - actually he wanted a big brother, but I couldn't help there - so I needed to know what ds2 was going to be.

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