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Original poster

Should we find out the sex of our first or second baby?

36 replies

DreamWaves · 15/02/2022 13:02

My husband and I can't agree on whether to find out the sex of our baby. We are hoping to have a second baby after this one, so our compromise is to find out one and keep the other one a secret, but we can't decide which!

Which do you think is best to keep a surprise, and which should we find out?

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Hugasauras · 15/02/2022 13:09

Personally I've found out with both as I found the birth experience overwhelming and surprising enough on its own, and I found it useful to narrow down names and stuff.

Finding out with second has meant DD can talk about the baby using her name and talk about how she will have a sister, and I can imagine it being useful If you have a more sensitive child who likes to be prepared for things. In a practical sense finding out with second is helpful too for sorting out clothes and things.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/02/2022 13:17

We kept the first one a secret as we genuinely had no preference, and I wanted that news shared by DH in the Labour room. I'd experienced the whole pregnancy so thought it was a nice idea that he found out the sex first and was able to then tell me.

We found out with dc2, as everyone kept asking dc1 what they wanted Hmm which is ridiculous as what if it wasn't what they wanted (usually they said puppy!). It put an end to that annoyance.

Mommabear20 · 15/02/2022 13:21

We kept our first a secret but found out with our second as we felt the same as you in wanting to do both, but knew we'd be too busy with 1 older child and a newborn to be going out to buy gender specific items after the birth of our second but would have that time after our first

Howtotameyourtoddler · 15/02/2022 13:24

First one was a surprise, second one we found out. For purely practical reasons, it made sense to find out second time: we knew which clothes etc to hang onto (we're stopping at two) and we really liked being able to tell our eldest that she was going to have a brother.

mummyh2016 · 15/02/2022 13:29

@Howtotameyourtoddler

First one was a surprise, second one we found out. For purely practical reasons, it made sense to find out second time: we knew which clothes etc to hang onto (we're stopping at two) and we really liked being able to tell our eldest that she was going to have a brother.
We did the same. Plus DD desperately wanted a sister, we found out we were having a boy so it meant she had 20 weeks to get used to the idea of having a little brother.
Lockdownbear · 15/02/2022 13:30

Find out with the second.

The one you aren't going to find out with you'll want a selection of gender neutral colours. So makes sense for that to be the first one.

If your have a girl then boy, you can pack away the pink dresses. I know MN see clothes as clothes but I wouldn't put a boy in frilly stuff.

Personally I didn't find out with either.

GrimDamnFanjo · 15/02/2022 13:38

I chose surprises for both.

Doublechocolatetiffin · 15/02/2022 13:42

I'd leave it a surprise for the first then find out for the second. Lots of people want to organise second time around (can you reuse clothes etc) plus often siblings want to know. It makes more sense that way.

JaninaDuszejko · 15/02/2022 13:46

I didn't find out for any of my three. Friend of mine was told she was having 2 girls. She has 2 sons.

DappledThings · 15/02/2022 13:51

Didn't find out for first one. Second we couldn't decide and tossed a coin in the waiting room. Coin toss said find out, but that just made us realise we didn't want to so we didn't that time either.

Pamparam · 15/02/2022 13:52

I found out both times but I think the surprise is best for the first, the second time you need to know whether to get rid of anything gendered and it's better to prepare DC1 as PP mentioned!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/02/2022 13:54

We knew with our first quite early on.
Our second they couldn't tell at the scan due to her antics.
It didn't really make any difference either way really... it didn't tell us anything about their personality. Just their chromosomes.

Good luck.

Hohofortherobbers · 15/02/2022 13:58

We chose not to find out for either. There are very few delightful surprises in life.

TheTeenageYears · 15/02/2022 14:13

First was a surprise, found out for second as it's more practical. Able to talk to first born about brother or sister rather than just a baby. Could sort through clothes we would or wouldn't need etc etc

QueenLagertha · 15/02/2022 14:52

Surprise for your first and find out for your second. That's the way we've done it. I love knowing this time around

lalaloopyhead · 15/02/2022 15:00

I think suprise for first and find out for second.

Not sure why but that is what we did, though I only found out with DD2 at a late scan and it was a spur of the moment thing...I'm not sure DP was even there!

I also found out earlier on with DD3 and I think this was for more practical reasons.

Parker231 · 15/02/2022 15:03

We never found as we wanted to wait to the day they were born and they would have worn the clothes we bought whether they were a girl or boy.

Original poster
DreamWaves · 15/02/2022 15:04

Thanks so much for all the advice - seems surprise for first baby and find out for second is the clear winner!

I'll go inform the husband haha.

OP posts:
MyHusbandTheIdiot · 15/02/2022 15:09

@DreamWaves

Thanks so much for all the advice - seems surprise for first baby and find out for second is the clear winner!

I'll go inform the husband haha.

We did exactly this. Interestingly even though I don’t necessarily regret having a surprise the first time, I infinitely preferred knowing the second time around - found it so much easier to prepare, saved money as I was less tempted to buy stuff ‘just in case’ it was a boy/girl, it was great for elder child as it’s much easier to make the incoming baby a tangible being for them when you know the sex, and I felt like I had an easier time ‘getting to know’ my second.
1940s · 15/02/2022 15:10

I think best to keep each a surprise.

However I do see more of a trend that there's a 'pressure' on the 2nd (assuming last) baby of the family.

If there are any deep harboured feelings from either of you on wanting a boy or a girl then your second child is your last chance at achieving that. (Before anyone calls me ridiculous there are sex disappointment threads on here daily)

So if either of you really want to have a particle sex then I'd suggest finding out for baby two so you can get used to the idea of what your complete family will look like.

dizzydizzydizzy · 15/02/2022 15:12

@Howtotameyourtoddler

First one was a surprise, second one we found out. For purely practical reasons, it made sense to find out second time: we knew which clothes etc to hang onto (we're stopping at two) and we really liked being able to tell our eldest that she was going to have a brother.
I did the same. Although I did end up regretting finding out the sex. It removed a large chunk of the wonder and excitement. L
LizziesTwin · 15/02/2022 15:16

We didn’t find out for any of them. All the tiny baby clothes we had were green, white, yellow so they all wore the same.

Hohofortherobbers · 15/02/2022 16:08

@1940s

I think best to keep each a surprise.

However I do see more of a trend that there's a 'pressure' on the 2nd (assuming last) baby of the family.

If there are any deep harboured feelings from either of you on wanting a boy or a girl then your second child is your last chance at achieving that. (Before anyone calls me ridiculous there are sex disappointment threads on here daily)

So if either of you really want to have a particle sex then I'd suggest finding out for baby two so you can get used to the idea of what your complete family will look like.

I tend to see the threads on sex disappointment are posted by people who are still pregnant and have found out the baby isn't their preferred sex. There's very little room for for any sex disappointment when you've just given birth to a wonderfully gorgeous newborn and are that post partum oxytocin high. I'd have fallen head over heels in love with whatever I'd pushed out Grin
Curiousmouse · 15/02/2022 23:27

I did with one of mine and very much regretted it

ElliotGoss · 16/02/2022 07:42

Found out with DD as I desperately wanted a girl (sorry! And she is a very girly girl). Found out with DS as DD was adamant she wanted a brother or nothing at all. Fortunately, it went our way both times.