Should we find out the sex of our first or second baby?

[DreamWaves]

My husband and I can't agree on whether to find out the sex of our baby. We are hoping to have a second baby after this one, so our compromise is to find out one and keep the other one a secret, but we can't decide which!

Which do you think is best to keep a surprise, and which should we find out?

I'd find out for the second for practical reasons ( what stuff from your first would be suitable for your second)
I didn't however, and had two surprises.

Although I did end up regretting finding out the sex. It removed a large chunk of the wonder and excitement.

You thought having a baby was less wonderful and exciting because you knew in advance what genitals it had? Gosh.

Surprise with the first.

You can buy gender neutral baby clothes
You'll have fun thinking of loads of names
Everyone else will be excited/interested

Find out with the second.

You'll have hundreds of hand me down clothes from DC1 - it helps to be able to categorically say we can keep these/we should clear these out, because around half will be so gendered you likely won't want to keep them if the new baby is the opposite sex.
You can tell your toddler about their new baby brother/sister.
Choosing a name is harder the second time, easier if you only have to cover one sex.

Also are partners still banned from scans? It's lovely to find out together. Hopefully in a couple of years those restrictions will be long gone.

It was so helpful for DS2 to know the baby's name as it meant he felt more real to him. The children were also the only people who knew the name before birth although it was obviously a loosely kept secret with one of them being 2!

I found it easier to visualise my baby when I found out the sex. Also, I wanted some gendered stuff so easier buying things. Plus that I could go through my own childhood things and decide what to keep or not.

I don't like surprises on the best of days, so that was never a reason for me to not find out. You might be different though.

It's whatever you want, really. I like knowing everything so I would never not have found out unless it wasn't possible on the day.

It's not a question of 'spoiling the surprise' like many word it as. You still get the 'surprise' just earlier, in the scan room. Neither is very surprising anyway it's one or the other

I'm going to go against the grain here.

We found out for our first because we had a slight preference for a girl and we didn't want to be disappointed at the birth if we had a boy.

So we found out, and we were having a boy, and it gave us the time to imagine having a boy and give him a name etc.

Next time round I am not bothered about finding out because having a little boy is wonderful, so I wouldn't mind having another one. But having a little girl would also be wonderful.

I think keeping them as a surprise is much nicer IMO.

I always thought I would find out but now I'm pregnant I think I'd prefer to wait.

My DP has never wanted to find out and has always said why would you bother, what does it matter, it's a surprise etc. Whereas my mindset was always....but it's the same surprise whether you find out via scan or the birth?? And it makes it easier with names and stuff.

But now I honestly feel like I'd rather just keep wondering and have the big surprise when they arrive.

The only thing I worry about is whether I'll have a strong feeling by then that it's one or the other and it might be a bit of shock if it's the other.

Surprise with our first. Took 3 years to conceive. Would genuinely happy been happy either way. Needed to buy everything and was happy to have gender neutral colours. Had a bit of a rough labour and after that I really needed a surprise!!

Found out second time. Mostly due to practicalities for reusing stuff. Would have happily had another surprise if DH had felt strongly.