Laying down ‘rules’ with family & friends for when the baby arrives

[TashieWoo]

Morning all, I’m 29 weeks today with my first baby and thinking about when the baby arrives and people will want to see her etc. I’m sure I’ll be told I’m being PFB about this, but really my concerns are only about sensible things, in my opinion!

We are going to a family wedding when baby will be about 6 weeks old, and some people there (my close family but I haven’t been seeing them as they are far away) are anti vaxxers and unlikely to be vaccinated before the wedding, AIBU to keep my distance from them? The last thing I want is for my newborn to catch covid!

Smoking - I know it isn’t easy as an ex smoker myself, I gave up when I found out I was pregnant, I’m lucky to have found it quite easy but I know many don’t. I am worried about the SIDS risk as well as all the other risks, and wouldn’t want anyone near my baby if they have smoked in the previous hour, and they’d have to be wearing different clothes. Is this reasonable?

Kissing baby - I have read some guidance on the herpes virus and tbh I haven’t noticed anyone who is likely to kiss the baby having coldsores, but AIBU to not want anyone to kiss her face apart from me and her dad? I just think it’s a bit much. I wouldn’t let anyone with a cold sore hold her in the first place anyway.

I know some babies are settled by having a little finger to suck on too, but similarly I would only want this to be me or her dad, AIBU?

Are there any other guidelines I should be thinking of to help keep baby protected?

Thanks in advance x

I was bridesmaid with a refluxy 12 week old in a heatwave. It was hell. After the formalities and photos I changed into a nursing dress and put the baby in the sling and relaxed a little - and literally as my bum hit my seat for the meal she threw up and poonamiied all over said sling. Sigh.

Anyway, I think you're OTT about the anti vax crowd. Yes they're idiots but the risk to a baby is very low. I had a baby summer 2020 when vaccines were still way off and we were told just to follow the usual public health guidance, not to worry about doing anything more.

I hate smoking, but I love my FIL who is a smoker. He always smokes outside so we didn't put any extra requirements on him.

I don't remember anyone ever kissing my babies' faces.

Honestly I think you're at risk of damaging some relationships with your requirements.

Just say baby hasn't had first jabs (usually at 8 weeks) so you don't want anyone to hold him/her but baby is looking forward to future snuggles with relatives etc.

I took my 4 week old to a wedding and it was absolutely fine. Stayed til the end as well. Took a sling to wrap him up in and the pram so I could put him down. He just fed and slept.

I know this may sound really shocking but could you not leave baby at home with a family member (who is not at the wedding) or your husband? You could go and do the dutiful bridesmaids bit, have some food and then head off. Everyone would understand. You would then be able to give your full attention to you friend who’s special day it is knowing your baby is safe from all your worries at home.
I went to a wedding 4 weeks post emergency section and left our daughter with my parents. Yes it’s tough leaving them but I was actually able to have a couple of hours of being me and focusing on my friends special day. It do understand your worries but it sounds like already you feel on edge and anxious and in my opinion it’s not worth it. You don’t know how people are going to be on the day so in my opinion I just wouldn’t put myself in it with a baby.

YANBU about kissing
YABU about the rest